Are we ready for another baby?

You’ve had your first child, and now you’ve got the hang of parenthood and have settled into the happy routine of being a family, you’re thinking about the next step – shall we have another? It’s a tough decision to make, and you will need to think carefully about how another child might affect your current lifestyle…

Your financial situation

While it’s true that you won’t have to buy the big-ticket baby gear again, second children don’t exist solely on hand-me-downs – plus, they bring a new set of expenses into the equation. If you’ve returned to work, think about the financial repercussions that come with time off when you might be having to fund daycare for your first child – and of course, the fact you’ll now be paying daycare for a second unless one of you give up work. Plus, you'll need to finance a college education for two children…

Your age

After the age of 35 women’s fertility rates fall significantly, so if you’re already 35 or over and planning another child, bear in mind that it may not be so easy to get pregnant second time around. Another point to consider is that if you are now in this age range, your risk of having a baby with a disability such as Down syndrome will have risen significantly – and twins are also more likely over 35.

Your other children

How old are your other children, and how will they cope with a new baby in the house? The debate has raged for a long time over when is the best time to have a second child. Is it better to wait until your first is out of diapers or even in kindergarten, or will a smaller age gap mean that they will be closer friends. Here are some of the arguments on both sides:

Small age gap

- Your children will be closer in age and therefore more likely to play together as their interests and abilities will be more similar than between siblings with a large age gap. It’ll also be easier for you as parents to find activities which are suitable for both of them. However, closeness in age is no guarantee of closeness of spirit, and you may find that a small age gap simply brings with it more competition and rivalry.

- Some parents like the idea of having their children in quick succession so as to get the ‘baby stage’ out of the way quickly, rather than spreading it out over years with successive children.

- Some experts believe that a gap of less than a year helps avoid issues of sibling rivalry and competition, as children of one year of age haven’t yet fully formed their ideas of who they are and what their status in the family is, and may therefore be more accepting of a new sibling.

- Your first child may not be potty trained when your second arrives, which means two sets of diapers to change.

- The traditional two-year age gap is considered by some experts to be the worst option, as it can leave you with a toddler who’s ill-equipped to deal with the panoply of emotions which assail them on the arrival of a new sibling, resulting in tantrums and aggression towards the new arrival.

- Some studies seem to show that children who are conceived less than 24 months after another child tend to have lower birthweights. This might indicate that your body needs a certain length of time to recover for a healthy second pregnancy.

Larger age gap

- Waiting until your first child is three or four and in daycare or preschool can make it easier for a second-time mom to spend more quality time with a new baby.

- Older children are often (but not always!) keen to get involved with the new baby and can be a great help to second-time moms by fetching and carrying things and amusing the new arrival.

- Experts also feel that by the age of three, first children feel secure in who they are and where they stand with mommy and daddy, and will be less jealous of a new sibling than they might be as toddlers.

- Some parents of older first children think they’ll find it hard to go back to having a small baby, and dread the sleepless nights and endless diaper changes.

- A larger age gap can make it difficult for parents to find activities which are suitable for both children when they’re young, although this is less of a problem in later years.

See our article toddlers and new babies for hints on how to explain your new arrival.

The information in this feature is intended for educational purposes only. If you have any concerns about your health, the health of your child or the health of someone you know, please consult with a doctor or other healthcare professional.