Are we ready for another baby?
You’ve had your first child, and now you’ve got the hang of parenthood and have settled into the happy routine of being a family, you’re thinking about the next step – shall we have another? It’s a tough decision to make, and you will need to think carefully about how another child might affect your current lifestyle…
Your financial situation
While it’s true that you won’t have to buy the big-ticket baby gear again, second children don’t exist solely on hand-me-downs – plus, they bring a new set of expenses into the equation. If you’ve returned to work, think about the financial repercussions that come with time off when you might be having to fund daycare for your first child – and of course, the fact you’ll now be paying daycare for a second unless one of you give up work. Plus, you'll need to finance a college education for two children…
Your age
After the age of 35 women’s fertility rates fall significantly, so if you’re already 35 or over and planning another child, bear in mind that it may not be so easy to get pregnant second time around. Another point to consider is that if you are now in this age range, your risk of having a baby with a disability such as Down syndrome will have risen significantly – and twins are also more likely over 35.
Your other children
How old are your other children, and how will they cope with a new baby in the house? The debate has raged for a long time over when is the best time to have a second child. Is it better to wait until your first is out of diapers or even in kindergarten, or will a smaller age gap mean that they will be closer friends. Here are some of the arguments on both sides:
Small age gap
- Your children will be closer in age and therefore more likely to play together as their interests and abilities will be more similar than between siblings with a large age gap. It’ll also be easier for you as parents to find activities which are suitable for both of them. However, closeness in age is no guarantee of closeness of spirit, and you may find that a small age gap simply brings with it more competition and rivalry.
- Some parents like the idea of having their children in quick succession so as to get the ‘baby stage’ out of the way quickly, rather than spreading it out over years with successive children.
- Some experts believe that a gap of less than a year helps avoid issues of sibling rivalry and competition, as children of one year of age haven’t yet fully formed their ideas of who they are and what their status in the family is, and may therefore be more accepting of a new sibling.
- Your first child may not be potty trained when your second arrives, which means two sets of diapers to change.
- The traditional two-year age gap is considered by some experts to be the worst option, as it can leave you with a toddler who’s ill-equipped to deal with the panoply of emotions which assail them on the arrival of a new sibling, resulting in tantrums and aggression towards the new arrival.
- Some studies seem to show that children who are conceived less than 24 months after another child tend to have lower birthweights. This might indicate that your body needs a certain length of time to recover for a healthy second pregnancy.
Larger age gap
- Waiting until your first child is three or four and in daycare or preschool can make it easier for a second-time mom to spend more quality time with a new baby.
- Older children are often (but not always!) keen to get involved with the new baby and can be a great help to second-time moms by fetching and carrying things and amusing the new arrival.
- Experts also feel that by the age of three, first children feel secure in who they are and where they stand with mommy and daddy, and will be less jealous of a new sibling than they might be as toddlers.
- Some parents of older first children think they’ll find it hard to go back to having a small baby, and dread the sleepless nights and endless diaper changes.
- A larger age gap can make it difficult for parents to find activities which are suitable for both children when they’re young, although this is less of a problem in later years.
See our article toddlers and new babies for hints on how to explain your new arrival.
The information in this feature is intended for educational purposes only. If you have any concerns about your health, the health of your child or the health of someone you know, please consult with a doctor or other healthcare professional.
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Last Modified: 02/08/2007
Related Chat 12
My daughter is now nearly one and i'm 2 weeks overdue on my second! Finding out i was pregnant again after just a few weeks was very hard as Summer was a very difficult baby but as the months have gone on and i've adjusted to motherhood and the changes that it brings to your life im finding im looking forward more and more to the next. Both options have there pros and cons but im focusing on the positive and believe that my girls will have a close bond as they grow.
I have a 3 year (and 6 day) age gap between my two daughters which works great for us. My first daughter started pre-school in the september and her sister was born in the October which meant she had time to settle in before baby was born plus I had time for the new arrival on her own. It's mostly all good apart from the odd squabble which you'll probably get at any age. It works well for me but everyone's different.
When i was 13 my mum had my sister, i didnt really like it beause i was expected to look after her all the time. I m nt sure when will be the right time for the next baby but it is not going tom be a 13 year age gap
I was 9 when my brother was born and my sister was 6.
At first I loved helping my mum look after him, but my sister (being used to being the "baby") hated him from the start. Eventually as he got older and more demanding I grew to resent him, because when everyone else was aloud to go out and play, I had to stay in and entertain him.
I'm nearly 21 now and he's just turned 12 and we still fight alot because we're at different ages.
Me and my sister had a sibling rivarly going before he was born, but now and since then we're really close.
I definitely think 3 yearish age gap is more than enough.
Also, If you have one child going to nursey and they've been woken up in the night or kept up because of the baby crying -it's really not fair to expect them to go to school willingly the next day.
So definitely will be about a 3 year gap for me (which in reality is still quite soon (when you think it's 9 months pregnancy, so you'd still be starting to try for one at 2 - 2 and a halfish time.) It means that preferabley I'd have to start trying this year. (Circumstances pending of course)
Kinda scary, but I can't wait :)
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