Expecting number three
Having a third baby is a big commitment in terms of finances and time. If you come from a large family yourself you might be keen to have as many children as you possibly can, and many parents who have two children of the same sex often go for number three to see if they can get that boy or girl they feel would complete their family.
But there is a lot to think about. Expecting a third baby when you are having to take care of two older children makes a pregnancy even more exhausting. Plus, depending on your age when you had your first baby and the age gaps between your two older children, you might be an older mom-to-be, which also can make pregnancy and birth complications more likely.
What to expect from your third pregnancy
Your uterus and abdominal muscles already have been stretched by your previous pregnancies, so it’s likely that your bump will show much earlier and that it also may be larger than it was with your previous babies, even if your unborn baby is of average size, simply because you won’t have such toned muscles holding everything in as neatly as before.
If you are an older mom-to-be when you’re pregnant with your third child, you are at more risk of problems such as
miscarriage – this is thought to be due to the fact that your older eggs mean your unborn baby is slightly more likely to have a chromosomal problem, such as
Down syndrome. At 35 the risk of Down syndrome is less than one percent – meaning that of 100 pregnant women, one will have a baby with Down. By age 45 the risk is three percent, but this still means that 97 of 100 pregnant women will have a healthy baby.
As far as your health goes, older moms-to-be are more mature when it comes to making the necessary lifestyle changes to ensure they and their baby stay healthy. But you are likely to be more
tired, and are also more likely to have
conceived twins, even if you haven’t had fertility treatment. You also are at slightly more risk of problems that tend to be more likely as we age anyway, such as
diabetes and
high blood pressure. These can manifest for the first time in an older mom-to-be, but your OB-GYM or midwife will screen you for these.
You’ll experience the same tiredness that you did in the first trimester (weeks 0-12) of your earlier pregnancies. But the fact is that pregnancy fatigue combined with caring for two older children means you’ll likely be hit much harder. This is especially true if your second child is still fairly young and you are having to get up during the night to give her a feed or help her settle down to sleep. This is a time when you really need help from your partner, family and friends to ensure that you get enough rest. If the bedtime routine usually falls to you, get your partner to take over, at least with one of your children, so that you can put your feet up and rest in the evenings, which is when exhaustion can really strike.
What to expect from your third birth
By now you should know what you are doing! This can be hugely reassuring once you go into labor. Keep in mind that because you already have given birth, your cervix (neck of the uterus) will already be just slightly open, and this means that it will dilate much faster than in your first delivery and probably faster than your second, too. This means that it is important to contact your OB-GYN or midwife as soon as you think you have gone into labor, particularly if you have had complications during your pregnancy.
If you’re an older mom-to-be, the fact that you’re more likely to develop issues such as gestational diabetes and pre-eclampsia put you a higher risk of having a
pre-term birth than younger women, and this in tune increases your risk of having a low birthweight baby. The fact you are likely have poorer muscle tone than you had in your youth could make it harder for you to deliver your baby naturally – older laboring women are more likely to need assisted deliveries and cesareans. But do keep in mind that how you take care of yourself in pregnancy can help you avoid these eventualities.
The practicalities of having a third baby
There is now doubt that money will become much tighter with a third baby in the financial equation. For many parents, the third baby really tips the scale when it comes to your work-life balance. While it may have been finically viable to have two children in daycare, the third may break the bank. This means you may both have to sit down and discuss the possibility of one of you being a stay-at-home parent. Although this may be more affordable than paying for childcare it still means that you are down one income, so you will have to budget much more carefully, particularly if you are going to need to move into a larger home or buy a bigger car.
Hopefully you will still have all of the baby equipment you are likely to need, though if your second child is still too young for a big kid bed you will have to invest in a crib. If you only have a few months to wait between the birth of your third baby and your middle child being old enough for that transition, it’s worth asking around to see if a family member or friend has a crib you can borrow in the meantime.
Expect your stress levels to rise once your third baby arrives. If your older children have reached the point of sleeping through the night it is a huge shock to have to start getting up to deal with a baby overnight – and there also is scope for it to disrupt your older children’s sleep patterns, so expect to have to get up to them too. While you may have been able to catch up on your sleep with just won children, it will be very difficult to slot in a nap around caring for three. Get your baby into a bedtime routine as soon as you can once she’s born, and go to bed when she does, or at the same time as your older children.
Space can be a real problem with three. If your older children are going to have to share a room for the first tie to make space for the baby, it could cause problems. Turn it into an adventure for them by investing in bunk beds or a truckle bed, so that the bed takes up as little space as possible. Ensure they have their own space in the room: their own closets, perhaps a screen divider if your first child is old enough to need some privacy from time to time.
Your third baby and your older children
Getting off to a good start with their new
sibling is crucial to developing a good relationship later, so get your older children used to the impending arrival of their new brother or sister by letting them touch your bump and talking about the baby inside. Do also make the most of the last few months you have with just your older children, and plan in as many fun things as you can, since it will be harder with a baby in tow.
Get them involved in preparations for the birth – they can choose gifts for the new baby, or some first clothes, and help get the nursery ready. Once you’re home, try to give your older children the chance to get close to the new baby – they’ll likely be fascinated by tiny fingers and toes, and the noises the baby makes! All contact with the baby needs to be carefully supervised, but don’t be overly protective of the baby – it could make your older children feel rejected and jealous. Try to plan in some special time to be with your older children on your own when your baby naps, and have plenty of toys and activities.
Expect some jealousy, just as you may have had with your older child when your middle child was born. Giving your older children a role in helping to look after the baby – bringing you a clean diaper, for example, or choosing an outfit for her – can help with this as it will mean they feel involved.
The information in this feature is intended for educational purposes only. If you have any concerns about your health, the health of your child or the health of someone you know, please consult with a doctor or other healthcare professional.
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Last Modified: 14/08/2009