Sharing

Sharing is a very difficult concept for the typical toddler. Why on earth should he hand over his toys to some visiting stranger? His favorite word may well be “mine!”, and that reflects the way he sees the world. Changing this perception can be a tricky business.

Just as toddlers are effectively standing up for what they see as their rights and protesting unfair treatment when they throw tantrums, when they refuse to share they believe they’re taking control of what they think is theirs. As might be expected, many a playdate ends in tears or a brawl for this very reason!

Toddlers don’t understand that the loss of their possession isn’t permanent – they see handing over a toy to a visiting child as giving it away, and are understandably upset. However, getting your child to share successfully can mark the start of a whole new phase of developing sensitivity to and respect for others, and will make your toddler a happier and more responsible little person.

Here are some pointers to promoting successful sharing:

- Sharing has to be presented as a two-way thing. Many children’s first taste of sharing is being told to hand over prized possessions to strangers with no recompense. Explain that sharing means that you get to borrow other people’s things too!

- Encourage turn-taking with prized toys – your child will see that they get to play with the toy as well, and will hopefully be less reluctant to hand it over in future.

- If you have a friend visiting with their child, discuss this in advance with your toddler and get him to agree on which toys he’s happy to share with the visitor. Don’t decide for him what will or won’t be shared – they’re his toys and he should have a say as to what happens to them.

- Show him that sharing happens between adults as well, and try to demonstrate this in action – sharing food with daddy, for example, or showing him how you lend and borrow from friends or neighbors.

- Be sure to reward sharing, and generosity in the broader sense, as this will help to reinforce this behavior.

For further tips and advice, read our article building social skills.

The information on this feature is intended for educational purposes only. If you have any concerns about your health, the health of your child or the health of someone you know, please consult with a doctor or other healthcare professional.