Helping your toddler to make independent decisions
Learning how to make sensible choices is a very important part of your toddler’s development. What to wear, which toy to take with her on a trip or whether to have apple or orange juice at dinner are all decisions which she can start to make herself, and as she grows, you will need to give her some space to practice making independent choices – and taking responsibility for the consequences!
Make the options simple and realistic
To start with, giving your child a narrow choice will help make the process easier, both for you and for her – for example, don’t throw open the wardrobe and ask her to choose an outfit for the day. The choice will be too overwhelming, and she is likely to choose something quite unsuitable. Instead, present her with a narrowed down selection of suitable outfits and have her choose from these. If she wants to wear a rather interesting combination of colours and styles, then let her. They are her clothes, and she is finding her own style.
Be sure to present your toddler with a choice that they can realistically make. Asking “what would you like to do today?” opens up such a wide range of possibilities that she will be overwhelmed and probably won’t be able to think of anything at all. Try and narrow it down – “Would you prefer to go to the zoo or the beach?” presents her with an easier choice to make in some ways, but it still requires her to think about what either visit will entail, and a little helpful guidance from you won’t go amiss – “what can we do at the zoo?” and “what might we see at the castle?” will help her to focus on the reality of each option and decide, based on her own knowledge or past experience, what she feels like doing today.
Let her accept the consequences
Toddlers need to understand that they have to take responsibility for their actions and choices. If they choose a raspberry ice lolly and then decide they want their sister’s orange one instead, explain gently that this was her choice, and that she can have an orange one next time if she likes. Try and let your child experience the consequences of their choices – you may not want to let them go outside in winter wearing only the party frock they steadfastly wanted to wear, but letting them discover their mistake for themselves is a much better way of helping them see sense than constantly overriding their decisions. We all learn better from our own mistakes.
For further tips see our article Developing confidence.
If you want to chat to other mums about how to help your toddler to make their own decisions, you can do this on the Guide to Toddler area of our chat forum.
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Last Modified: 18/06/2007
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