Imaginary friends

Many toddlers go through a phase of having an imaginary friend. It might be a human or an animal, and they may just be occasional visitors or full-time residents in your home.

Imaginary friends can fulfill many roles – playmate, co-conspirator, confidant, or even scapegoat. It's completely normal for your child to have an imaginary friend, so don't worry that there is anything wrong with their behavior. There even research that suggests having an imaginary friend could be beneficial for children.

Listening to your child talking with her imaginary friend can give you some insight into her feelings – for example, if you hear your child comforting her friend after someone has been mean to her, your child may simply be projecting her own experience and offering the solace she needs herself. Similarly, a child who has an imaginary friend, or friends, who they are often bossing around may be indulging in a little power play when in reality they feel that they are always the one being told what to do!

The important thing is your approach to this friend – don’t accuse your child of lying or making things up when she talks about her friend. If she blames the friend for some misdeed, make it clear that you aren’t buying into the fantasy but don’t feel tempted to criticize or ridicule her. It’s true that for some children – particularly only children or those with no siblings close in age –an imaginary friend can be a sign of loneliness, so you may want to think about arranging some playdates for your child and giving her more of a chance to socialize with other children. However it’s more often simply a symptom of a fertile imagination and creative flair.

Imaginary friends are often a way in which children test the water – the friend may say or do things that are more daring than your child would actually contemplate, but she wants to gauge your reaction nevertheless. Don’t encourage the fantasy – for example by pretending to see the friend too – but try instead to channel your child’s imagination in other ways; for example, by helping her to make up stories or through creative play. You’ll likely find that once she starts preschool and starts making her own real friends, the imaginary friend will disappear and her creativity will manifest itself in other ways.

The information on this feature is intended for educational purposes only. If you have any concerns about your health, the health of your child or the health of someone you know, please consult with a doctor or other healthcare professional.

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Last Modified: 02/08/2007

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