Helping your toddler deal with fear
As an adult, you know the thunder is just a loud noise, that your neighbor’s dog doesn’t bite and that there definitely isn’t anything living in your closet. But young children often fear these things and if you’ve noticed that your child is a lot more wary these days it’s a sign that she’s starting to understand the concept of danger. Trouble is, she doesn’t yet know how to work out what’s a real threat and what’s an imagined one. It’s a normal stage in your child’s development and as she matures, she’ll become more secure in herself and her environment. Here’s how you can help…
Acknowledge her fears
Acknowledging your child’s fears shows her that you understand, so don’t dismiss them, even if they seem silly to you, or laugh at her reactions to things that scare her. Simply telling your child there isn’t anything to be scared of won’t work – remember, while you’re mature enough to be rational about things that concern you, she isn’t.
Name her feelings…
Your child feels fear long before she’s able to tell you she’s afraid, so you may need to help her put them into words. If there’s a clap of thunder, say, “I know you’re afraid of the thunder – it’s such a loud noise. Then go on to reassure her that the noise is high up in the sky and far away, and that it can’t harm her. Stay calm yourself – if your child sees that loud noises or spiders don’t bother you, she’ll react to them more rationally herself.
Help her master her fears
Talking things over can help her – ask your child what she thinks will happen if there’s a loud noise or if there’s a big dog nearby. The you can go on to ask her what she thinks you could do about it – for example, stay indoors until the storm has passed, or cross the street to avoid a dog.
Give her a comforter
If your child has latched onto a favorite toy or blankie, let her take it with her in situations where she might be nervous or worried – for example, her first few times at daycare or preschool. Objects such as these can offer lasting reassurance and they’re also a distraction – for example, you can encourage your child to “speak to Teddy” so that ted isn’t frightened by the storm. Comforting her toys in the same way you comfort her will reinforce the fact that she doesn’t have to be scared herself.
See things from a safe distance
Books are great for gently easing your child into the concept of facing up to her fears. For example, if she’s scared of dogs, visit your local library and borrow books about dogs and story books where the child characters have pet dogs. If it’s monsters that scare her, find books where the children make friends with the cuddly monster in the closet. With dogs, find out if your local children’s library runs pet reading sessions, where children can read to friendly pet dogs, or visit the local petting zoo, so she can interact with playful puppies. These approaches provide a safe context for her to deal with her fears.
Find practical solutions
Soothing your child’s fear of the dark could be as simple as providing her with a nightlight and a flashlight she can keep on her nightstand for trips to the bathroom. A dreamcatcher (great fun to make yourself) hanging over her bed will reassure her that she needn’t panic over
bad dreams, while a plastic spray bottle of Monster Repellent (water mixed with a few drops of relaxing lavender essential oil) sprayed around her room at bedtime will offer extra reassurance.
Use roleplay
Use roleplay games to help your child work out ways to deal with her fears as they happen. For example, if she]s due for a shot or has to visit the dentist, acting out the event with her dolls will help her learn what to expect, while dressing up as a monster and jumping out of the close to scare Mommy will help her feel more in control of that particular fear.
The information in this feature is intended for educational purposes only. If you have any concerns about your health, the health of your child or the health of someone you know, please consult with a doctor or other healthcare professional.