How to boost confidence in your shy toddler
Some toddlers naturally have a shy, introverted personality and it can put them at risk of missing out on experiencing life to the fullest and having fun with other toddlers. You’ll likely see her tense up and hang back in social situations and it’ll be difficult for her to insinuate herself into a groups of children her age even if she desperately wants to join in.
Try not to worry about it too much – it’s the way she is, and there’s evidence that shy toddlers grow up to be more empathetic and are more imaginative because of the fact they play alone more often and rely on their own imagination for entertainment. Statistics also suggest that shy children do better at school. However it is true that shy toddlers are at a higher risk of developing anxiety problems and depression in older childhood so you need to take steps to build her social skills so she’ll feel more confident and secure around others.
Jollying your child along likely won’t help, but neither will being overprotective of her. Avoiding spending time with other children because you know she finds it difficult won’t help her overcome her shyness in the long term – in fact, she might retreat even further into her shell. As a rule, the key is to take it slowly and ease her into new situations. Be patient, and don’t force your child to participate in social situations. Stay close by her also, letting her maintain physical contact with you if she needs to. Once she feels able to break away, make sure you stay visible – looking over and seeing that you are there will increase her sense of security as she ventures out to make friends.
Think about what you’re expecting from your toddler and whether it fits in with her comfort level around others. Do you force her to interact with them when she’d really rather sit with you? Pushing her too hard cold potentially increase her anxiety while letting her take things at her own pace helps her confidence because it gives her the opportunity to scope out people and places. If she has a chance to sit back and observe other toddlers playing and having fun, she’ll see it’s the easiest thing in the world to join in and she’ll do so once she’s ready.
Role-play can be a great help – set her up in situations with her toys where she can ‘introduce ‘ them to each other. Make sure she knows how to say her name and ask if she can join in – and tell her what a lovely smile she has, as smiling and laughing can really help break the ice with other toddlers. Warn her what to expect when attending a social situation such as a play date or birthday party. Tell her who’s likely to be there, what toys and games she might get to play with and maybe let her take a toy of her own for reassurance (make sure it’s one she won’t mind sharing with other children if they ask to play with it too). It’s a good idea to arrange as many play dates as you can with her friends, but keep it to one child only if she’s more outgoing with smaller numbers. This is a great chance for your shy toddler to gain social skills.
Above all, try to avoid labeling your toddler as shy – it’s one of the biggest reasons why children act that way. If anyone comments that your toddler is shy, let her hear you loud and clear as you say that she isn’t shy – she just likes to watch for a little while before she joins in.
The information in this feature is intended for educational purposes only. If you have any concerns about your health, the health of your child or the health of someone you know, please consult with a doctor or other healthcare professional.
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Last Modified: 19/04/2009
Related Chat 1
Contrary to what this article says, introverted kids are not necessarily shy kids. Some toddlers and kids just prefer spending time alone. Many introverted kids can play with others just fine, but they choose not to because they prefer to be by themselves. The last thing you should try to do as a parent is change your child's personality. If they are outgoing, embrace that, but if they prefer to be alone, embrace that as well.
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