Copycat: does your toddler copy an older sibling

Babies learn by imitating what you do – it’s the basis for social referencing and the basis of learning vocal communication. But once they hit the toddler years, their habit of mimicking the things and people around them doesn’t just disappear. In fact, copycat behavior remains an important learning tool for toddlers, prechoolers and older children.

It’s though watching you and her older siblings, and copying the things you say and do that your toddler hones her language skills and picks up the social skills she needs to interact with others. When your toddler throws a tantrum because she wants to play with a toy she sees one of her friends playing with, she isn’t just demonstrating that she doesn’t like sharing (what toddler does?!) – she’s demonstrating that she wants to do what they are doing, wants to learn from them and show you that she has learned something new.

Everyone around her influences your toddler, including you, her siblings, grandparents, friends, and they all contribute to enriching her personality. She’ll want to model herself on you and her brothers and sisters and all of those other people she comes into contact with. That’s where toddler imitation comes in.

Her older sibling can be a particularly big influence. When you see your toddler struggling to keep up with her big brother or sister it may be tempting to step in and either help her or get her sibling to slow things down a tad, but try to resist doing this. Her attempts to imitate her sibling will strengthen her physically as well as challenge her cognitively.

The only problem that can occur is if your older child is modeling behavior you’d really rather not see your toddler copy. Toddlers are like sponges: they soak everything up. This means you’ll need to keep an eye on what your older child is doing and saying. If the age gap is significant he could potentially be using language you would prefer that your toddler didn’t copy, or he could be talking to her about concepts that she is too young to understand and that could be frightening for her. Your older child may also be at a stage where rough play is the norm between him and his friends – but he is old enough to be careful and understand when to call it quits, while your toddler isn’t. You don’t want to run the risk of your toddler hurting another child at daycare, or using language that is unsuitable there or during playdates or other social situation.

If this does seem to be happening you’ll need to explain carefully to your older child that his little brother or sister looks up to him and wants to be just like him – but at the moment she’s too little to learn certain words or play certain games. Tell him the many ways that he can set a good example to his younger sibling: by modeling kindness and sharing, and by paying attention to his language and actions. He also can set a great example by clearing away his toys.

And don’t leave yourself out of the equation either… your toddler is just as likely to pick up unsuitable behaviors or cuss words if she sees or hears you using them!

The information in this feature is intended for educational purposes only. If you have any concerns about your health, the health of your child or the health of someone you know, please consult with a doctor or other healthcare professional.