How to raise a polite toddler
Once your baby becomes an opinionated toddler there will be times when you want the ground to open up and swallow you whole – for example, when he asks someone at the supermarket why they are so fat! Toddlers just don’t come with built-in good manners and the fact they also lack the ability to empathize means they don’t understand that some of their comments, questions and actions might hurt another child or adult’s feelings.
But don’t panic – all is not lost. It is perfectly possible to teach your toddler the magic words and to get her into the habit of either not commenting at all about the appearance or actions of others, or to whisper what she thinks to you instead of yelling it in the produce aisle! Here are gurgle’s tips for teaching your toddler good manners…
Work out your priorities
If you have a partner it’s important you are on the same page when it comes to teaching manners – otherwise you will be constantly reminding your child while your partner lets things slide, and this can confuse your child. Talk about how you want to go about teaching your child and what manners matter most to you – you may have different priorities if you spend most time with your child, or do all the grocery shopping with her in tow, or take her to all her playdates. It’s vital that you are consistent when it comes to teaching your child anything, and working out a few guidelines beforehand will help you achieve this and help your child learn faster.
Model good manners yourself
Your toddler learns everything from you so it stands to reason that if you make snarky comments about people or don’t say please and thank you, then she will do the same. This means that you have to learn to watch what you say and do when you are feeling frustrated and angry. If you are in the habit of cussing, get out of the habit right away because your toddler will copy you. While it may seem amusing the first few times it won’t be so funny when you are getting complaints from her preschool or from other parents because her friends are starting to copy her. A good tactic is to train yourself to say a totally innocuous word, like ‘shoot” or ‘fiddle’!
Be patient
Don’t expect your toddler to learn manners overnight. She’s at an age where she doesn’t retain everything that goes in – you may have noticed that she asks the same questions again and again! So be prepared to gently remind her to use her manners when she wants something and expect her to forget frequently.
Label bad manners
Make sure your toddler is aware of what you regard as bad manners. If you see her refuse to share, or
hit out at a playmate, be sure to tell her that’s bad manners. If she doesn’t say please or thank you, or excuse me, remind her that not saying those phrases is bad manners.
Teach her how to meet and greet
Your toddler should be able to learn how to say ‘hello’ when she meets someone or visits a friend or relative, even if she is particularly shy. Any by teaching her how to greet people and tell new playmates her name, you’re helping her learn the basics of
making friends. A simple ‘hello’ is the basic
social skill that leads on to your child being able to introduce herself to people formally.
Praise her when she uses her manners
Do let your child know you notice it when she says the magic words, but don’t go overboard with praise – a simple ‘thank you for being so polite’ will do. If you do this you risk her using manners only to win compliments, which isn’t really the point. Praise other children and family members when they use good manners also – they too can be a good example to your toddler.
Teach your toddler to wait!
Toddlers and young children interrupt when you least need it – it’s hard for them to put up with seeing you focus your attention on another person, a phone call or task. Toddlers live in the now and don’t like to wait! It may be too much to expect your toddler to wait for a long time though, so always tell her that if she does feel she needs to interrupt, she should say ‘excuse me’. You can practice the art of patience and polite interruption with her by having pretend phone conversations. If you need to make a really important phone call, however, make it easier for her by giving her a distraction so that she is less likely to interrupt – for example, have a coloring book and crayons or a special toy or puzzle she gets to play with only when you are on the phone.
Books to help reinforce good manners
- Excuse Me! A Little Book of Manners Simple and repetitive, this book is the perfect way to introduce those magic words that all little ones should know. From burping to breaking a sibling’s toy, toddlers will love seeing these appealing babies in situations they know all about, and they’ll have fun lifting the flaps to discover the right words to say. (Grosset & Dunlap)
- Oops, Sorry! A First Book of Manners A little kid quiz book that asks questions such as, ‘if someone gives you something nice, what do you say?’ and shows the answer on the opposite page. (Barrons Educational Publishing)
- The Berenstain Bears Forget Their Manners When Mama Bear’s efforts to improve her family's manners are unsuccessful, she devises a Politeness Plan – a chart listing a chore as a penalty for each act of rudeness. Basic etiquette is presented in a practical way and Berenstain illustrations add humor and understanding. (Random House)
The information in this feature is intended for educational purposes only. If you have any concerns about your health, the health of your child or the health of someone you know, please consult with a doctor or other healthcare professional.
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Last Modified: 07/08/2009
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