How to trust your maternal instincts

If you’re a first time mom, 24-7 babycare is a whole new experience, fraught with difficulty. You’re basically flying by the seat of your pants, but it can be hard to trust your instincts when you’re dealing with a totally new circumstances and situations.

However, ‘going with your gut’ can help you develop confidence in your ability to interpret what your baby needs and wants as well as in your parenting style. And these instincts – which can be translated as your need to love and protect your child – may be hardwired into your brain. Research into moms’ brain activity when faced with a crying baby has shown that they react more strongly to their own baby’s distress than to that of other infants.

There’s no doubt that the transition to being a mom can be overwhelming. And if you think about it, it makes sense – if this is your first baby you’re doing this job from scratch and just as with any job it’s going to take time to learn the best methods. Furthermore, new moms are bombarded with all sorts of advice from experts and otherwise. It’s usually good advice that’s based on tried-and-tested methods, good old common sense and scientific research.

Trouble is, all babies are different and respond to different things, be it feeding, crying or sleep, in different ways and degrees. What comforts one baby might not comfort another. The trick is to incorporate advice into the way you want to do things and to use it in the way that best suits your baby depending on the individual clues she’s giving you. Accept advice, but do so critically – ask questions, get a second opinion from a friend or your sister and then decide if it fits in with how you want to raise your baby. On occasion, that may mean going against what you’ve heard or read but it won’t be wrong – because it’ll be right for you.

In the first days you may feel as if you’re trying to learn a new skill without the how-to manual but you will soon learn what your baby does and doesn’t like, and how she expresses those sentiments. If a course of action feels right for you and your baby, then follow it – that’s your parenting instinct at work. Following it means meeting your baby’s needs as quickly as you can – so how can you best put those instincts to work?

1. Keep her close by after she’s born

Have your baby in your room with you at the hospital so you can use the first days to get to know her at a time when you and she are both just starting to fit in with each other.

2. Respond to her cries straightaway

Your baby’s cry is her only method of communicating that she’s hungry, wet or otherwise uncomfortable, or just needs a comforting cuddle. When you respond swiftly to her cries she learns to trust you to meet her needs, which is vital for her sense of security.

3. Give breastfeeding a try

Breastfeeding your baby stimulates your body to produce hormones called oxytocin and prolactin. These help to calm and relax you so that you can better read your baby’s cues and meet her needs. If you need to return to work soon after your baby’s birth, try to keep up breastfeeding her in the mornings and evenings, and express breast milk during the day using a breast pump to keep up your supply in order that you can achieve this.

4. Wear your baby

Carrying your baby in a sling that keeps her as close as possible to you mimics the movements and warmth she became accustomed to while in the uterus. It can make a huge difference to a fussy or colicky baby because it provides constant reassurance that you are close by at all times. This will help prevent her from crying for long periods of time.

5. Have her sleep close by

Many moms swear by co-sleeping for maintaining their bond with their baby and there’s no doubt it can make overnight breastfeeding much easier. Being aware of your presence may help your baby to settle back down into sleep by herself if she wakes between feeds and having her near to you can also help you to ‘reconnect’ with her if you aren’t able to care for her during the day because of work commitments. If you’re at all concerned about your baby’s safety while co-sleeping, consider using a specially designed bedside crib that has an open side so you can reach into her when she needs you.

6. Find a balance

There may be times when your instincts are raising red flags about your baby’s health or behavior. Remember that you likely spend the most time with your baby and know her best. If she doesn’t seem right, seek medical or expert advice as soon as possible – but if you suspect you might be panicking because of your emotional attachment, discuss any worries you have with a level-headed confidante whose judgment you trust, such as another mom or a family member.

The information in this feature is intended for educational purposes only. If you have any concerns about your health, the health of your child or the health of someone you know, please consult with a doctor or other healthcare professional.

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Last Modified: 16/02/2009

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