Pushy parents

Wanting your child to be the best at everything – from meeting his milestones first, to being potty trained by 18 months and knowing how to read and write before he starts kindergarten – is perfectly natural. However, many experts reckon that parents who push their children to overachieve could actually be doing them more harm than good.

Professor Lilian Katz, from the University of Illinois, says that if parents push their child to reach goals or achieve academic results in record time, the child will suffer in social situations when they're older. Instead, children should focus on imaginative play, such as puppet shows, drawing and painting.

Competitive parenting, in whatever shape or form, can be detrimental to a child because subconsciously you may not be pushing in your child’s best interests but more in order to impress others. We live in a competitive age, but it's crucial to remember that each child is an individual and will do things at his or her own pace. It doesn't matter whether your child learns to walk at 11 months or 18 months – they all get there eventually and it's not a race. Trying to force your child to do something before they're ready could be counterproductive, as they may be resistant and refuse to crawl, walk, read or write until well after they would have done had they been allowed to take things at their own speed.

Rather than forcing your child to reach milestones before they're ready, be patient and full of praise. Don’t put them down – for example, “Cody’s friends are all sleeping through the night, but he's a nightmare!” or “Eden’s classmates do beautiful drawings, but all she does is scribble!” Such comments can be incredibly harmful as even very young children will remember them and feel like a failure. Focus on the positive, rather than paying too much attention to the negative. If your child simply isn't ready, accept it and reassure them that it really doesn't matter.

You should also resist the urge to jump in and help, however tempting it may be, as this will make your child feel incapable. If your child does ask for help, then offer it – but don't be impatient or do things for them. Children should be allowed to work to their own schedule, rather than being made to feel as if they're in a rush to complete a task. Be attuned to your child’s needs and temperament, and relax – so that your child can too. It’ll boost their self-esteem and they’ll feel more like achieving the task in hand, whatever it may be.

The information in this feature is intended for educational purposes only. If you have any concerns about your health, the health of your child or the health of someone you know, please consult with a doctor or other healthcare professional.

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