Eileen Hayes answers your toddler questions

Eileen Hayes is a parent of four, a Parenting and Child Expert, author, magazine columnist, trained family counsellor and parenting coach.  She is also the Parenting Advisor to the NSPCC.

Books she has written include 'Crying', 'Understanding your baby', 'Understanding your toddler','Tantrums', 'Crying and Comforting' and 'Your baby's first year'.

Eileen wants to help parents with the rewarding but challenging task of bringing up children.

General development

My son is ten months and is still not sitting up. How can I help him?

Is my son too clever for his own good?

Should my son be putting sentences together at 23 months?

Speech

Mealtimes

How can I stop her blowing raspberries at meal times?

Potty training

My daughter keeps having accidents. Do I put her in pants or pull-ups?

My son wets himself seven times an hour

Sleep

My daughter's disturbed sleep is exhausting me

Why has my daughter become hysterical at bedtime?

What time should my 13-month-old wake up?

Tantrums

How should I deal with my toddler's tantrums?

How can I stop my three-year-old running off?

Any tips on helping a 13-month-old understand that NO means NO?

Behavourial

Is my son's teeth grinding just a phase?

My son hits other children and adults

General development

My son is ten months and is still not sitting up. How can I help him?

Eileen says: first of all, I hope you have asked advice from your health visitor or doctor at the baby clinic, as it's always wise to have these things checked out.

On average, most babies start to sit with a little help around six months, and most can sit unsupported around seven-eight months. That said, sometimes, particularly if it is your first baby, you don’t know how to help with this kind of thing. I remember myself going along for a developmental check-up when my daughter was around six months old and being asked if she could sit. I said no, then the doctor sat her with her legs wide apart and she sat there quite happily! The doctor said to me: “So what is that then?!”

The first thing you should do is put your son in a sitting position, opening his legs to a “V”, to see whether he can sit without falling over. It can also help for support to put his hands between his legs, so that he can lean on them. It is also useful to place cushions around at the side so that he doesn’t hurt himself if he does fall over.  It may just be that you have not provided him with the opportunities to sit, and will be surprised to find he can do it.

For encouraging general muscle control it is also helpful to get down on the floor with him, helping him to roll, push up and reach out for toys. At ten months, if you find he can’t do this, I do suggest you go and talk to your health visitor or doctor for more advice. Sometimes a delay in reaching physical milestones runs in families so you could ask your parents, or other family members, if this happened with you or any of them. Also remember, if a baby was premature this almost always delays developmental achievements, so a prem' baby might be a couple of months behind a baby who was born on time.

My son is 14-months-old and can say on average 60 words. He understands a lot and is very aware of what's going on around him. People say he's too clever for his own good. Is he more advanced than others his age?

Eileen says: even though parents are naturally delighted when a child seems to be achieving developmental milestones ahead of other children, it is best not to be too over-excited about this. Some children walk earlier, some talk earlier, but they all get there in their own time. Being advanced in one area at a particular age does not necessarily predict the future in terms of educational outcomes, for example. If a child is advanced in lots of different areas and achieving most milestones early this is sometimes a better prediction, but, again, other children may just catch up later on. It is best not to think of developmental things as a race or a competitive sport!

In terms of talking, children have on average about three or four clear words at one-year, and about 50 at 18 months plus. Between the age of one and two years, toddlers add about ten new words a month, although they may understand many more than this. Usually by about two years they have about 200 words and can join them into phrases and sentences, though a lot of this happens later in the second year.

Sixty words that are clear and understood by others is certainly a lot at this age. The important thing is that you keep encouraging his language as you probably have been doing by talking to him, reading books together and extending the meanings for him.

Should my son be putting sentences together at 23 months?

My son is 23 months old and is not yet putting sentences together. He can say single words like, 'no', 'juice', 'car', 'cat', 'mummy', 'daddy' and 'ball'. He will repeat words said to him and has on occasion said, 'there you go' or 'all gone' but not very often. He will point to all the parts of his body, even his teeth and tongue, and he will show you what different animals do like a dog, cat, elephant etc but he very rarely says words.

If I ask him to get his cup or put his things away he will do, he even takes his empty cups and plates etc and puts them in the sink and his rubbish in the bin when I ask. My friend's son who is five days older than mine and you can have a proper conversation with him, he is counting to 3 and saying things like "can I get out of the car?" He also knows his colours and shapes. Should I be worried? 

Eileen says: first of all, it might be useful for you to know the rough averages for development of speech, but you must remember that many children vary from this. If you are at all worried, it is always best to speak to your health visitor so that your son’s progress can be properly assessed.

On average, children usually have about three or four lear words at a year, and about 50 at 18 months plus. Between the age of one and two years, toddlers add about ten new words a month, although they may understand many more than this. Receptive language - understanding what others are saying - is usually well ahead of expressive language, actually using the words and sentences. Usually by about two years,  toddlers have about 200 words and can join them into phrases and sentences, though a lot of this happens later in the second year.

Your son obviously has no problems at all with his receptive language, understanding instructions, for example, and he is using phrases, even if only occasionally, as you say he has said things like 'there you go'; so even though he is not doing it very often this does seem well within the usual time-scale.

He is likely one of many children who take their time starting to talk but then catch up completely by the time they are three years plus. The important thing is you keep encouraging his language as you probably have been doing by talking to him, reading books together and extending the meanings for him.

You should also really try not to compare with a friend’s child. Every child is different and has their own developmental timetable. Some talk early, others walk early, but it all evens out in the end.

Speech

My four-year-old doesn't pronounce words properly

My daughter has just gone four and I'm starting to worry about her speech. She talks endlessly but isn't clear on what she says, for example dog sounds like zog, drop like sop and she can't say her name very clearly. Should I take her to see a speech therapist?

Eileen says: there is probably absolutely nothing wrong, and as with all developmental stages every child is different and some take longer than others to speak clearly. However, at four, she will no doubt be starting school soon, so I do think it might be useful to get a professional opinion. You could ask your GP or Health Visitor to refer you to a speech therapist and they will hopefully be able to both reassure you and get some improvements for your daughter.

Mealtimes

My eight-month-old has developed a very bad habit of blowing raspberries every time I feed her. I manage to get around three spoonfuls down her and that's it. Every time I go near her with the spoon it goes everywhere. She might take a bit of pudding but other than that nothing. She is taking her milk but I'm worried she isn't getting enough nutrition. She is teething at the minute and one has started to pop through. Mealtimes are getting to be a nightmare - help!

Eileen says: the best thing for you to do is to really try and relax about the whole meal times issue. I know this is difficult, but many babies, especially when they are recently weaned, as your daughter must be, take quite a long time to get used to this new way of receiving food. After all, it's a lot more complicated and difficult then simply drinking milk.

You describe her blowing raspberries as a 'very bad habit', but really this is very normal at her young age. She is just trying to get used to the new experience with eating solids. Many babies spit things out, throw food around, rub it in their hair and that sort of thing. The more you think that mealtimes are a nightmare and start getting tense, the more problems you might be storing up for the future in creating a very fussy eater. At eight months old, you should be giving a wide variety of foods, different tastes and colours. If there are some she doesn’t like and spits out, then just try something else, and leave the ones she doesn't like for another time.

Tips to help make the feeding experience enjoyable include:
• Remember your baby will only eat a small amount.
• Many babies this age take a long time over feeding so don’t rush the process.
• If you can eat together as a family this can encourage babies.
• As soon as your baby can manage it, you should encourage her to try feeding herself. This does make a mess to begin with, but she is much less likely to spit things out.

Potty training

My daughter keeps having accidents. Do I put her in pants or pull-ups?

I potty trained my daughter a week after her second birthday. She is now two and three months and has started to have around two wet accidents a day. She has also started pooing in her pants, which she wasn't even doing in nappies. She also stopped going to the toilet on her own or telling me she needs to go. About 50 per cent of the time she refuses to get her on the potty. 

I asked her whether she wanted to wear pants or pull-ups. For a while she said pants and now she says pull-ups. We were having fewer accidents in the pull-ups than the pants but now, as she is refusing to go on the potty, she is weeing a lot in the pull ups. She can hold on and she can tell me when she wants to go. Do I leave her in pull-ups until she asks for pants; put her back into cloth nappies or put her back into pants and live with the accidents? 

Eileen says: I think the first thing to remember is that learning to use the potty and ”potty training” doesn’t always work in a completely straight line. Children very often go backwards as well as forwards, so it is extremely common for it to seem as if the child has completely achieved it, then to have accidents again. Very occasionally a child just becomes potty trained almost overnight with no turning back, but that is often when they have started much later, at about 2-and-a-half plus years.

You also recognise yourself the effect of other stresses going on in the family and the negativism that very often comes in two-year-olds, and both of these can certainly make things go backwards.

You seem to have got into a bit of a muddle with it all now, and are probably feeling stressed about it, which will rub off on your daughter. Probably the best thing you can do now is to really take the pressure off for a while. Don’t put any pressure on her to sit on the potty unless she wants to, and try to be laid back about any accidents. If she does manage to achieve a good day, give her lots of praise, but if she doesn’t, just remain cheerful and say something like “Never mind. You will probably manage it tomorrow.” This may seem to you as if you are going backwards, but it is really important she gets the message that this is not worrying you and you are happy that she can manage it in the end. You want to avoid getting into a complete negative spiral where you are stressed and she is using it as part of being negative, so try to act calm and cool and cheerful and hopefully you will see improvements again soon.

It may help you to know that 15% of children are still not trained by three years, so she really has plenty of time.

I'm finding it really hard to potty train my two-year-old son. He loves going on his potty, and even stands to wee most of the time, but he keeps wetting himself. Sometimes I go through seven pants in one hour. I’m also 16 weeks pregnant so would love to have him dry before the baby arrives!

Thirza says: I feel certain your son is not quite ready to be potty-trained since he is having so many accidents. It is difficult to set an exact age when children are ready as it can vary widely but they do have to be able to hold it in long enough to get to the potty or toilet. Until they have sufficient muscle control to do this, potty training is really a waste of time, and this all takes a bit longer in any case for boys.

If you are patient and keep cheerful about accidents you can just carry on as you are, but if you find you get annoyed with him, it might be better to let him go back to nappies for a while, then when he is staying dry for longer periods, you could try again.

By the way, you cannot force potty training to a timetable, so even though it is tempting, you can’t really say you want him to be dry before your new baby is born. He may even go backwards for a bit once you have the baby, as that is very common indeed. I know it is frustrating but this needs to happen to his timetable not yours, and you need to try to be more laid back about it for the moment. 

My daughter is 22 months and is a very fast learner. Is it too soon to start potty training?

Eileen says: the advice usually given concerning potty training is to try to spot when the child is “ready”. This is much better than worrying about an exact age, as that can be very variable. The ways to tell if your child is physically ready are:

• You notice she has a dry nappy for two or three hours (this shows that the muscles are strong enough to hold on).
• She knows when she is doing a wee.
• She may start to pull off a wet nappy as if it bothers her.
• She is interested in you going to the loo.

Some other things are useful – can she, for example, speak enough to tell you when she needs to go; can she pull her own clothes up and down?

It is always better to avoid times of stressful changes, e.g. a new type of childcare, and if your child is in a very negative phase that is often not the best time.

It is also important to think about emotional readiness – it is really helpful if a child wants to co-operate and wants to be “big” and “grown up”. There is also an old saying that the later you start, the less time it takes, and there is some truth in that! 

Sleep

My daughter's disturbed sleep is exhausting me

My daughter is 16-months and has always had a good routine. She is a dream to put to bed (as long as it's me and no-one else!); and always settles herself off to sleep on her own. My problem is that she also suffers a lot when she's teething and no amount of remedies seem to help. I don't want her to be upset or in pain, but I work from 8.30am until 5pm four days a week and really need my sleep!

I'm unsure whether I handle it properly when she wakes. Sometimes I cuddle and settle her back to sleep; other times I leave her to settle herself, depending on how upset she sounds. I'm not sure if she's waking because she's poorly, too hot, too cold, in pain, or just for a cuddle. I'm so tired that I've even resorted to taking her into our bed just to get some rest. I've been so fed up this last two weeks, I've been sorely tempted to give her back her dummy (I took it off her without any fuss when she was 12 months). Just to make life even more difficult, my husband is in the police and works all sorts of hours and shifts and is often lucky to finish on time, so a lot of the time I feel like I'm a single parent as I don't get any chance for a lie in and I never get a day off where I don't have Emma or have to get up for her. I'm lucky if she sleeps till 7am, she's usually up by 6am! Sorry to ramble on but just looking for a bit of support really! 

Eileen says: there will be many parents who feel envious when you say your daughter is a dream to put to bed at night, as they may have that problem as well as the night -waking to deal with. 

It may be that your daughter is one of the unlucky babies who do have a few problems with teething.  This can disrupt the sleep patterns of some children and can go on for a few weeks.

The best ways to deal with this, some of which you will obviously have tried are the usual suggestions for teething, such as rubbing a gel on the gums, or a liquid pain- killer (but ask your doctor or health visitor’s advice first). There are also homeopathic teething granules, and teething rings.

Sometimes when a child is teething, and sleep is disrupted by that, you just have to put up with it for the period that it is happening, and manage as best you can.  As soon as the teeth are through and the episode is over, you should try to get back to your old sleep routines as quickly as possible. 

Some children who have not learned to fall asleep by themselves when going to bed always need the comfort of mum to get back to sleep when they wake up, but because your daughter goes down so well at the start of the night, this is unlikely to be what is happening with her. However, you could think about whether you are re-enforcing with a lot of comfort and cuddling and perhaps try to cut this down.  

In order to stop night-waking, you may need to think about how you are dealing with the comforting. You should be making it clear that it is night- time, tucking back down as quickly and with as little fuss as possible and limiting the cuddling and amount of contact with you. Remember, any behaviour that you are rewarding in this way is likely to continue.

What time should my 13-month-old wake up?

My 13-month-old son wakes any time between 5.30am and 6.30am. The amount of naps in the day and time he goes to sleep at night doesn't seem to make any difference. What's the average time for toddlers around his age to wake up?

Eileen says: the average amount of sleep required for a child this age is said to be about 13-14 hours in 24 hours. This is only an average, and a child may well need more or less than this, but it can help you to work out by adding up his naps how many hours you might expect him to sleep at night-time.

What you are concerned about here is the early morning waking, which is in fact a very common problem for many parents. Sometimes they may be expecting a child to sleep too long, which is why the averages are a useful guideline.

We are all programmed to go to sleep in the dark and wake up in the light, so light mornings and light streaming through a window can certainly be the reason for earlier waking. If you think this might be a problem, you could try black-out blinds or thicker curtains. You could also think about the noises in the house - maybe the boiler is coming on at that time and making a lot of noise, and you could possibly alter that.

Why has my daughter become hysterical at bedtime?

My daughter has become rather clingy at sleep times. Previously she was getting off to sleep on her own but now she can become hysterical and needs lots of cuddling and coaxing at bedtime - and mostly from me! Could she be teething? She is 22 weeks, has had previous teething episodes but no teeth yet, but this is the worst so far. I have tried giving her Calpol but it seems to add to the hysteria, usually involving choking and not much Calpol going in. Teething rings seem too big for her small hands and mouth, and she didn't like the teething dummy things. She is also excessively dribbly, and very squirmy/whiny at the moment! Please help! 

Eileen says: it is understandable to be concerned about unexplained crying and to want to try to find reasons for it. It is probably fair to say though that there is always a certain amount of crying, certainly for the first six months and often even longer, that just doesn’t neatly fit into an explanation. Parents and health professionals very often put some of this down to “colic” for the first few months, and “teething” for the next few months. It is debatable whether these are always the real causes, though they do sometimes comfort parents.

The point is, you are trying to treat this as though it is teething pain, and this is not working very well, so you have to ask whether that is the reason. Babies do cry just because they want a cuddle, or because they are bored and want company, and there is nothing wrong with that. At 22 weeks she is now closely attached to you as the most important person in her life, and is quite likely to cry just to have your attention. This is not at all naughty and will only last for a very short time in her life.

In terms of actual teething, the first teeth to come through are the incisors at the front, very often around this age, though it can be slightly younger or older. It is rare for these teeth to cause much discomfort, and parents are often just surprised one day to see they have appeared. It is more likely that the molars at the back can cause a bit of discomfort coming through the gum. Even so, there is no harm in trying the usual ideas for teething – rubbing the gum gently with your finger, putting on a small pea-sized amount of a teething gel, allowing biting on hard crusts or things like “bikkiepegs” or a teething ring cooled in the fridge. 

If what comforts your daughter most cuddles and attention from you, then try to feel flattered by this as she will grow out of it one day! 

Tantrums 

How should I deal with my toddler's tantrums?

My little girl appears to be starting the terrible twos at 18 months. She will play up if she wants something and if I say no she then goes into a full-blown tantrum! When we are out she will fight me if she does not want to get in her buggy; sometimes, she even bangs her head on the wall! What should I do when she has these tantrums?

Eileen says: the “terrible twos” is really just a guideline for a range of difficult behaviours that are common in children from about 18 months to 3years+, so although they might be most common at two, it is not at all unusual for them to start around 18 months, or to go on beyond three years.

These difficult behaviours include exactly the kinds of things you are describing – being negative, wanting their own way. It helps if you realise that this is just a very normal stage of development. Most children around this age fight anything which stops them being independent, such as being strapped into the buggy or carseat.

I know it is hard but it really helps if you can stay very calm. Where safety is involved, such as with a carseat, you often just have to put up with the tantrum. However, it can help to try some distraction techniques - singing a silly song, offering a toy or a drink while you get the straps done, that sort of thing. Don’t worry, this phase doesn’t last forever and if you can act calmly and say something understanding like “I know you don’t like it, and would rather walk” this can sometimes help. Do try to let her walk sometimes, so that she feels she has some control.

My 19-month-old has started screaming when he has a bath

My son has always loved having a bath, but recently he’s started screaming when he’s in the bath. There has been no reason for this change that I am aware of, for example, the water being too hot, so what else can this be?

Eileen says: it is very common indeed for toddlers to develop new fears, and these can be to almost anything; often for no apparent reason and towards things which did not worry them before.

This can be very hard for parents to understand – just as in your case where you son has previously loved his bath, there seems to be no explanation when he is suddenly afraid of it. Part of it is a toddler’s growing understanding, but this is very limited so he may genuinely worry whether he can go down the plughole with the water, or he may be afraid of slipping now that he knows what it is like to feel steady on dry land. He doesn’t have to have slipped before to feel fearful.

As with all toddler fears, a sympathetic approach is best. You should never say it is silly or laugh at his fear, or tell him off and say he must just get on with it. Remember the fears are very real to your son, even if they seem silly to adults. Be ready to give a cuddle and lots of reassurance. If he is very scared and making a huge fuss, you may have to backtrack a bit, just washing him outside the bath for a while. Other ideas you could try are to see whether he is better in the shower, or to let him sit in the bath dry without water, just playing with toys, and wash him with a cloth from the tap, gradually building up the level of water again. It sometimes helps to take baths together for a while so you can hold him securely.

This phase will pass but needs a lot of sympathy and understanding for the moment. 

How can I stop my three-year-old running off?

My three-year-old has recently started to run away from me when we go out shopping and it's been getting worse over the past few weeks. Yesterday when we at the local supermarket he ran away and got lost in the crowd and I couldn't find him for about five minutes. I also have a one-year-old who is in a buggy. I’m so scared something bad is going to happen. I used to put him in reins, but they don’t fit him anymore. I’ve also tried to explain to him that he can’t do it but he just thinks it's funny. 

Eileen says: the really important thing here is safety. No three-year-old can be expected to be sensible at all times, so parents cannot rely on just telling children they have to stay beside them or that they shouldn’t run away. Small children cannot always remember instructions, and if they see something exciting, they are quite likely to wander off towards it. It is also terribly tempting for them to do things that adults regard as “messing about” and “being naughty”. This is a perfectly normal part of developmental behaviour at this age, so it is up to parents to make sure a child is safe.

If your son is running away, this means you either have to firmly hold his hand at all times, or find some new reins that do fit. A double buggy might be one other option, if you don’t think he is too big and if he will sit happily in it.

I appreciate all this is stressful when you are also trying to look after your one-year-old in the buggy, but the fact that he has already been lost once must have made your heart really sink, and I’m sure you don’t want to repeat the experience.

You should still try to keep teaching him about keeping himself safe – keep stressing that he mustn’t wander off, must hold your hand, that sort of thing, but this can take longer with some children than others, and while you still cannot be confident that he will do this, you really must put some of the safety measures back in place.

It might also help to get out in the park or some other open space where he can let off steam and run about to his heart’s content, and you can then point out to him that he can have that sort of fun when you go there, but in busy areas and shops he cannot do it and must either sit in the buggy or have reins on if he cannot hold your hand.

Any tips on helping a 13-month-old understand that NO means NO?

Eileen says: this is a very difficult age when toddler negativitism often really gets going and it often seems as if your toddler's favourite word is 'no', so that they are almost programmed to do the opposite of what you're asking.

It can really help if you try to remember this is actually a very normal stage of development. There are lots of things going on at this age, including small children wanting to start becoming more independent, wanting to explore everything in sight, and needing to test out again and again your reaction to their behaviour. This means that they are likely to repeat irritating actions even when you have said no. Sometimes it is just too tempting to go back to the TV controls again, sometimes they haven't really understood yet that you definitely intend to stand your ground on a particular behaviour.

It can really help if you try to cut down the number of times you say 'no', as if it is constantly being said a child is likely to just tune it out. You need to save it for when you really mean it for it to have real impact.

Some of the things that can really help during this phase are:

Toddler-proofing your home - putting things you don't want touched well out of reach can make a dramatic difference to the number of times you have to say 'no'.
Try to think of ways to ask for things that don't involve the 'no' word - say: 'We can play the game later, after lunch,' not 'No, you're not playing it.'

Distraction techniques work much better than simply stopping activities. Lift your child up to go and see something interesting out of the window rather than just saying, 'No, you can't touch the DVD.'

Think about whether you are being too controlling, as this always makes negative behaviour worse. Whenever possible, allow choices over simple things, like what to wear.

When you really do have to say 'no', perhaps for safety reasons, the way to do this is to get right down to your child's level, make eye-contact, so they know you're giving an instruction, and say a firm but not angry 'no', sounding as if you mean it. You may with a 13-month-old often have to use actions as well as words. It may not work to simply say, 'No, you can't do that.' You may have to lift him away and use your distraction and diversion techniques.

Remember this behaviour is developmentally normal at this age, so not really naughty at all, and your child will grow out of it when they are older with more language. 

Behavourial

Is my son's teeth grinding just a phase?

My six-and-a-half month old son has got two bottom teeth and two top teeth through. Recently, he has started to grind his teeth, normally after food. It sets my teeth on edge (bit like running nails down a chalkboard). Is this just a phase they go through?

Eileen says: there are a couple of different theories on why babies might grind their teeth. It may be that they just try it one day and like the sound of it, so keep doing it until they get bored and the fascination wears off. This is rather annoying for you if you find the sound irritating, but it is best not to over-react as any major attention to a behaviour is likely to see it being repeated and lasting longer.

It might just be the way he is learning to chew and it will not be as obvious when he has completely mastered this new way of eating.

The other possibility is that it can become some kind of comfort habit. It may seem very odd to you why your baby would find this comforting, but so are many of the other comfort habits, like sucking the thumbs and fingers, or banging heads. The best way to deal with this is to think about whether your baby might be finding anything a bit stressful at the moment and to try to cut that down. Make sure he has lots of toys and activities that can distract him and plenty of your attention, reading stories, giving cuddles etc. at other times.

If the habit is getting worse and not decreasing at all, as more teeth are coming through it might be worth having a word with your health visitor or dentist as a lot of grinding can cause some tooth damage. 

My son hits other children and adults

My son, 17 months, has started hitting other children and adults. He will walk up to them and hit them; and if someone walks past his buggy and is within reach he will hit them. He also fights with his older brother - but I expected this. However, my first son never hit other children unless they hit first! I am due to give birth soon  and do not want him to hit the baby. I have tried removing him from the situation, talking on his level about not hitting, taking things away if they were used as a weapon and following him around, which is exhausting for me and gives him no independence. I am not going to toddler groups much anymore as I feel very embarrassed and judged. I am a young mum and feel this makes other people regard my children and me in a worse light.

Eileen says: I do sympathise as you have tried so hard and done so many things that don’t seem to be working.

It is difficult because at this age small children have no idea about the needs of others, and don’t really understand a lot of what is being said to them. Even though this is very frustrating for you, it may help you to understand that a certain amount of aggression is pretty normal in almost all toddlers. Some only display it occasionally but some, like your son, seem to do it a lot. Even though it may seem surprising to you, he might well be reacting a bit to the fact that you are pregnant, as even though this is a lovely event it does also add some stress all round, and he may fear being pushed out of your affections.

Although it is hard to do when you feel he is being so naughty, I think you need to really focus on the positives. Instead of thinking all the time about the fact that he is hitting, look really carefully for any nice behaviour –I’m sure you will find some –and give lots of praise and cuddles for that. Also, anytime he doesn’t hit say, “That was a really good boy.” He won’t really understand explanations very well at this age, so if it does happen just very calmly lift him away and give some attention instead to the child he has hit. You should try as far as possible not to give much attention to the hitting behaviour, though obviously you have to stop him doing it –but don’t fall into the trap of making a big fuss which only encourages him to repeat it.

Try some loving one-to-one time with cuddles and a book so that all your interactions aren’t based on telling off.

The more you can keep up these positive moments between you, the better things should be – but remember it all takes time and some children have to be a little bit older before they grow out of this tendency.  

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