Dorothy Einon answers your child development questions
When Dorothy Einon’s children were small, she did a lot of research into how animals played compared to children, which lead to her writing her first book for parents, 'Creative Play', about the importance of play for young children.
This has been followed by twelve more books on child development and parenting including, 'The Golden Rules of Parenting' about taking the guess work out of parenting and 'The Baby Development Test', a step-by-step guide to baby development from birth to five.
Dorothy's speciality subjects include child development, encouraging play, choosing toys, behavioural problems, children and sleep, tantrums, conflicts in the family, pregnancy, childbirth, preparing to read and maths and learning to write! She has three children as well as sixteen nephews and nieces.
Speech and general development
My two-year-old can't speak properly
Will being premature affect my child’s development?
Can one-year-olds understand more than they can say?
Potty training
Should my son use pull-ups outside?
Feeding
My son will only eat ‘hidden’ vegetables
Speech and general development
My two-year-old still can’t speak properly
My two-year-old son’s speech seems to be developing very slowly. When he tries to speak it just comes out as gobbledegook. I know lots of two-year-olds and they can say lots of phrases already. Every time I ask him to do something it takes many tries to get him to do it and I have to raise my voice. When I ask him to pick his toys he has a tantrum. I’m worried that he won’t listen when he starts crèche. Could he be suffering from gromits?
Dorothy says: the average age that children start putting two words together is 22 months. Average means that half of all children are NOT putting words together by the time they are 22 months. Children start to put words together once they have about 50 words.
If you are worried that your son has some hearing loss, ask your doctor/health visitor if he can have a hearing test. However, not responding when asked to do something is quite normal at this age. Toddlers find it difficult to switch from doing one thing to another or to listen while they are also playing. If he is engrossed he may not hear you. Rather than shouting get down to his level, look him in the eye and speak.
Most two-year-olds have tantrums. Some with their mothers, some with both parents. Children do not have tantrums when those they love best are not around. Without "attachment" there is no tantrum. Nursery teachers have told me that it is the very rare child who has a tantrum after his parents have left. The best way to get children of this age to do the things we want is to give them praise and attention every little step of the way.
The way the brain develops (and it is still developing) is that the "go for it" mechanisms mature first and the “stop” mechanisms follow. It is always easier for him to keep doing what he is doing than to switch tack and stop. If you arouse him this just makes it harder for him to stop. Which is why it’s always more productive to bite your frustration and speak softly.
Have you tried making a game of picking up the toys? Put on your family "toy pick up song" and race with him to get everything back in the box before it stops. Remember, children get more out of a toy if they are not distracted by having others "out" at the same time. A policy of one toy out, one toy back in the cupboard makes for an easier life and more productive play.
Will being premature affect my child’s development?
My child was extra early and I am wondering how that will affect her development. She is 13 months and has still not sat unaided, reached for items or made any attempt to crawl. Is this normal?
Dorothy says: it takes a long time for premature children to catch up, and the more premature they are the longer it takes. But most pre-term infants get there in the end even if (as is often the case with very early pre-term babies) the delay in their development can still be measured when they start school.
There is, however, as I am sure you have been told, an increased risk of developmental problems with really early pre-term babies, especially if they weigh less than a kilogram at birth.
Statistics suggest that almost a quarter of such children have some minor disability such as reading and spelling problems, poor attention and impulse control and minor problems in motor control. Almost the same number will have more serious problems such as visual and hearing impairments and cerebral palsy.
Research suggests it is birth weight rather than weeks pre-term that best predicts who will have problems. The less a baby weighs at birth the more likely he or she is to have problems.
Your hospital/doctor/health visitor should be assessing your daughter’s progress. They are in the best position to answer your questions. I suggest you go to the next assessment with questions written down so you can ask exactly what you need to ask. You might also find it helpful to write down what they say. It is unlikely that at this stage anyone will be able to give you an absolutely clear prognosis, but the experts will have seen enough babies with a similar history to be able to give you some indications of your daughters’ likely progression.
If your daughter has not received any developmental assessments, and is not being assessed, consult your doctor and ask for a referral.
Can one-year-olds understand more than they can say?
Dorothy says: at this age most children can only make a few meaningful sounds (and may have none at all) but they often have body language they use consistently to mean ‘no’, ‘pick me up’, ‘goodbye’, ‘give me’ and so on. Clearly they understand.
They will often do as you ask – for example, ‘bring me the red cushion’ - even when there is a blue cushion there too. In fact, children as young as seven months use body language in consistent and meaningful ways. Later, when they start to put words together, children know what they mean even when they cannot express it.
So, for example, he might say "Daddy car" meaning "Daddy has gone to work in his car". If you then say, "Yes, Daddy has got a new car” (which is not what he means), he will say "No, Daddy car", and repeat this until you indicate you understand what he means.
Potty training
Should my son use pull-ups when outside?
I have been potty training my son for a week. He’s dry all day in the house, and when I’ve been taking him out I’ve been putting pull-ups on him. But I want to stop doing this as I don’t want to give him mixed signals. What should I do when I go out?
Dorothy says: throw away the pull-ups, then make sure that he goes on his potty before you leave the house and that he knows how to stand up and use a toilet. Look out for toilets in shops and cafes when you are out and when one is near, ask if he needs to use it. In an emergency he can always wee on the grass verge or into a drain (dogs wee against most lamp posts, after all). Once he doesn't have any "back-up" his signals will be clear. You will almost certainly find he makes very few mistakes.
Feeding
My son will only eat 'hidden' vegetables
My son is 22 months and refuses to eat any vegetables at all. However, he recently started to eat the Heinz range of hidden vegetables, and now eats peas and carrots. But how can I encourage him to eat more vegetables?
Dorothy says: many children will not eat cabbage, broccoli or sprouts because these vegetables have a bitter taste. Their little bodies have a mechanism which rejects "bitter" because food that is "off" has this taste. Small children need to be more sensitive because food poisoning can lead to a serious loss of body fluids, which in a small body can more easily lead to death.
Carrots, peas, sweetcorn and tomatoes are probably the favourite vegetables for children. But bland white foods like turnip or cauliflower may be easier to hide. Start by hiding a tiny amount in a favourite food. Half a teaspoonful will almost certainly go unnoticed! After a few days, go for a whole teaspoonful. Then increase VERY gradually, no more than a teaspoon at a time, and waiting days or even weeks between increases. If food is refused, go back a couple of steps before trying to increase again, and this time by even tinier steps. If the taste of his potatoes just edges a teaspoon at a time towards potatoes and cauliflower, he may like it before he notices the difference.
Use strong tastes he will accept (such as meat or tomato) to cover the vegetables he refuses. Spaghetti sauce, shepherd’s pie, hamburger, baked beans, sausage patties, fish cakes etc.
Meanwhile, if he will not accept vegetables, will he accept fruit?
Do remember that milk has all the trace elements he needs at this stage in his life. Vegetable eating is preparation for the future when his milk intake is much less - so do not panic!
More expert answers
Eileen Hayes answers your toddler questions
Dorothy Einon answers your child behaviour questions
Zita West answers your fertility and pregnancy questions
Fiona Ford answers your pregnancy and breastfeeding nutrition questions
Thirza Ashelford answers your parenting questions
Alison Brown answers your bump, birth and baby questions
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Published September 2008
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Last Modified: 23/09/2008