Adoption
If
you can’t have a child or decide you don’t want to go through pregnancy, you
may choose to grown your family through adoption.
You can do this through
private or state adoption agencies and there are various types of adoption you
will need to consider…
Types of adoption
1. Open adoption With this option you meet your
child’s parents before he’s born and stay in touch throughout his life – this
can include visits by his birth parents. This type of adoption can be of huge
benefit to all concerned. Your baby’s birth parents will be reassured that he’s
in good hands and that they made the best decision to secure his future
happiness. You’ll get information about your baby’s family medical history and
as he grows it’ll be easier to explain his origins if you have a relationship
with his birth parents.
However
you need to consider the potential disadvantages too. It may be difficult to
set limits on the amount of contact your child’s birth parents have with him,
and they may not be happy about the way you’re raising your child. It’s also
possible that your child’s birth parents, or members of their family, might be
disturbed or emotionally unstable; or that some members of their family may not
have been in favor of the adoption and might attempt to manipulate the
situation. And having his birth parents on the sidelines might make it
difficult for your child to see you as his parents as he grows.
2. Semi-open adoption With this method a baby’s birth
parents work through an agency and choose who they want to adopt their baby.
They’re then kept updated throughout his life with letters and photographs sent
via the agency. You may prefer the idea of contact with your baby’s birth
parents being more controlled and they can still be reassured by knowing how
their child is doing as he grows. If you need information about your child’s
medical history you’ll be able to request it via the adoption agency – but one
of the disadvantages of this type of adoption is that all he information you
need might not be made available and delays can occur if you have to go through
the agency all the time.
3. Closed adoption You and your baby’s birth
parents never meet or contact each other. Many birth and adoptive parents
prefer a sense of closure when it comes to adoption. Birth parents often desire
privacy and a means by which they won’t have to explain their choice to their
child years down the line. It provides set boundaries for you all and can
protect you from unstable or emotionally vulnerable birth parents or members of
their family.
However
this type of adoption means you have very little information about the birth
parents’ motives for giving their child up for adoption, which can leave you
worrying that they might change their mind and want him back. Your access to
his medical history will also be very limited and your child may suffer
identity confusion as he grows because he knows so little about his background
and doesn’t understand why he was given up.
The adoption process
Once
you’ve decided on what type of adoption will suit you best you’ll need to
contact an agency. If you’re lucky you might be able to get a recommendation
from a friend or family member; if not, choose a longstanding agency and make
sure you’re clear on what the average wait time is and what the costs will be.
Keep in mind that your employer may offer adoption benefits and that the
government provides a federal tax credit of $10,000 for adoption (information
is available on the Internal Revenue Service website). If you’re adopting from
a state adoption agency, your state may also provide a tax credit. You may also
be able to apply for a private grant, especially if you’re low-income or
adopting a special needs child – the National Adoption Foundation can advise you.
You’ll
have to undergo a home study so the agency can evaluate what sort of home
environment you’ll be providing and what your childrearing philosophy is –
important information if you’ve chosen a semi-open adoption and you’re hoping
your profile will be chosen. You’ll have a physical and a background check, and
your financial status will be checked too. Home studies are carried out by a
social worker within the adoption agency or one who is contracted to do home
studies by the agency, and they can cost anything up to $3000.
How
long you’ll have to wait for a baby or child varies – some agencies have a wait
time of well over two years for a Caucasian newborn, but being willing to adopt
a child of another race can reduce the time you wait. Once you have a baby, his
birth parents’ parental rights are terminated but you’ll still have to wait
around six months for the adoption to get final approval from a social worker
(likely the same one who carried out your home study). Once you have that, a
judge can finalize the adoption an award you all legal rights and
responsibilities in regard to your child.
Many
couples adopt internationally and in these circumstances the requirements of
the foreign country concerned take precedence. There will also be additional
legal process required to finalize the adoption, as you’ll have to go through
the Immigration and Naturalization Department.
•
Internal Revenue Servicewww.irs.ustreas.gov
•
National Adoption Foundationwww.nafadopt.org
Don't
forget we also have articles on egg donation, surrogacy, sperm donation and IVF for couples who are having trouble conceiving. If you want to talk about
adoption with other parents who’ve had a similar experience why not join our adoptive parents group or check out our fertility chat forum.
The information in this feature is intended for
educational purposes only. If you have any concerns about your health, the
health of your child or the health of someone you know, please consult with a
doctor or other healthcare professional.