Surrogacy

If you’re not able to carry a baby because you have had a hysterectomy or have a uterine malformation, or because you have a medical problem that makes pregnancy dangerous for you, you might want to consider having one through a surrogate – another woman who carries and delivers your baby for you.

A surrogate may be a member of your family or a close friend; alternately you can go through an agency that will match you up with a surrogate for a fee and deal with the legalities on your behalf. An agency surrogate will be carefully screened both for her health and wellbeing and her motivation for being a surrogate. It’s important to keep in mind that most surrogates offer their services because they genuinely want to help an infertile couple know the joy of have a child (they’re often already moms themselves) and aren’t driven by financial reasons. In any case, some states have laws banning the payment of surrogates (apart from medical expenses).

Traditional surrogacy

This is where the surrogate mother is artificially inseminated with your partner’s sperm. Because it will be her egg that is fertilized she is the genetic mother of any resulting baby. When your baby is born, your partner’s name will be entered on his birth certificate and you may have to legally adopt him, but state laws vary.

Gestational surrogacy

This is where your own egg or a donor egg is fertilized in-vitro with your partner’s sperm or donor sperm and the resulting embryo is transplanted into your surrogate’s uterus. You and your partner can petition the courts to have your names on the baby’s birth certificate but state laws differ.

Practicalities

Using a surrogate can be fraught with difficulty. How will you feel about parenting a child who is biologically your partner’s but not yours? How will your surrogate feel about giving up a baby who is genetically hers, and what if she refuses to do so? What if you find out that she’s smoking or drinking alcohol while carrying your baby? What if she conceives twins or multiples? What if the baby has health issues or a birth defect? Think carefully about issues such as these before you proceed.

Questions you might want to ask prospective surrogates include why she is doing it, how her partner or family feels, her views on termination for birth defects and the amount of contact she would like with you and the baby after the birth. You also need to discuss medical expenses. Once you’ve narrowed down your search, you should arrange a meeting with a psychologist or counselor who can discuss how prepared you are for the stresses involved in surrogacy. You’ll also need to arrange a health screen for your surrogate. 

Going through an agency will mean you can sort out the legalities ahead of conception but if you arrange a surrogate privately it’s vital that you consult a lawyer who is knowledgeable in this area. Although surrogacy is complicated politically and legally, lots of parents have a happy outcome from this arrangement as long as they enter into it with care and caution.

• The American Surrogacy Center (www.surrogacy.com) has information and advice and a classified matching service, along with details of state laws regarding surrogacy.

If you have further questions on this subject, visit our questions page to get advice from other women who’ve gone through similar experiences, or go to our  fertility chat forum to meet people and post messages.

The information in this feature is intended for educational purposes only. If you have any concerns about your health, the health of your child or the health of someone you know, please consult with a doctor or other healthcare professional.