A new brother or sister
Sibling relationships are among the longest lasting we experience in our lives and can be intense, emotional and tinged with rivalry, loyalty, love and affection – what a mix!
When a new brother or sister arrives, the obvious change for your child is that he’s no longer the center of your universe.
Younger children probably won’t realize the new baby is a permanent fixture and will probably wonder when he’s ‘going back’! Older children may act up or get clingy as they realize your affection is directed elsewhere.
It’s not all negative, though – some children take to a new sibling straight away and become mommy’s little helper, fetching diapers and muslins to order. Other children hardly notice the new arrival if they’re at the stage where they’re exploring the world around them.
The key to encouraging good relationships between all your children in the future is to keep your child involved in the new baby’s arrival.
Tips for dealing with a new sibling
When you have a couple of months to go and your bump is starting to really show, sit your child down and explain that a new brother or sister is coming to live with you (don’t do this any earlier since your toddler has no concept of time and will spend the rest of your pregnancy asking, “Is the baby coming today, mommy?” You can make it fun by explaining that the new baby is in your tummy doing tumbles and somersaults!
Let him know your toddler know that they will play an important role as a big brother or sister and frame it in terms they can understand – for example, “You’ll be able to show the new baby where the swings are in the park” and “You’ll be able to help the new baby read books and play with his toys."
Let your toddler choose a welcome gift for his new baby brother or sister. Involve him in helping to plan the new baby’s room: he can help pick colors and organize the soft toys that will start to flood in once your news gets out!
Run your shortlist of baby names past your older child but don’t tell him he can pick the name – otherwise you could find yourself having to explain to a tearful preschooler why Spiderman isn’t suitable.
Try to spend lots of time with your child before the new arrival comes. Explain to him that you might have to spend a bit of time looking after the new baby because she will be so small, but you still love him and if he needs you, you’ll be there.
Line up some treats and day trips for your partner, relatives or friends to take your child on once the baby arrives. It’ll give you some space and dad or grandma some one-on-one time with your older child – for example, “When the new baby arrives daddy is going to take you swimming’ (see activities for dads).
Ask family and friends who are coming to visit the new arrival to bring a small treat or gift for your older child so he doesn’t feel left out. You can even buy him a gift ‘from the baby’.
When the new baby arrives, introduce her as his new little sister and tell him you’d love it if he helped you with her. Make sure you never leave him unsupervised with the new baby, though, as he might interpret helping as trying to give the new baby a bath or lift her up if she’s crying. It’s best you’re around to make sure he’s being gentle and doesn’t try anything he isn’t really capable of.
As tired as you are, try to make sure just the two of you go out to the park a couple of times a week while the new baby is with daddy or grandma at home. That way he knows he can still have special moments with mommy.
Hot tip
“Prepare yourself for when your toddler suddenly gets close to her daddy as you spend time with your new baby. I remember feeling jealous of the time Jordan spent with her daddy as they went on adventures to the swimming pool and the park and all she wanted was him!”
Loretta, 34, from Beaufort, SC, mom of two
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The information in this feature is intended for educational purposes only. If you have any concerns about your health, the health of your child or the health of someone you know, please consult with a doctor or other healthcare professional.