Ten tips for birth partners
Watching your loved one in pain
is one of the hardest situations to deal with, but most men say watching their
babies come into the world is one of the most satisfying and exhilarating
moments of their life.
Whether you’re the sort of birth partner who wields the
camcorder, cowers in the corner or grunts along with your partner, you’ll want
to offer the best support possible. Here are our tips to help prepare you for
this special time...
1. Prepare yourself
Don’t go into the birth blind.
The more you understand about what’s happening, the more in control you’ll both
feel. Read up on birth in your partner’s books and magazines and attend any and
all prenatal classes so you know exactly what to expect and when. But don’t be
a know-it-all!
While you can question anything
you like, don’t think you know more than the medical staff because you read a
few chapters on labor and birth. It’s important that you work with your
partner’s caregivers, not against them.
2. Stay calm
The last thing your partner
needs is you having a panic attack at the sight of blood. If you have a phobia
of blood or needles avoid looking in ‘that’ direction and try to stay calm, so
your partner can rely on someone calm and familiar as she labors..
3. Look after yourself
It’s OK to have a break. You may
feel guilty taking time out when your partner can’t but it’s important that you
pace yourself. You could be there for 10 or 12 hours so make sure you get
regular rests, don’t forget to eat and keep yourself well hydrated. Bring your
own music to listen to (although save the headphones for when she’s asleep
rather than during a contraction!), and stock up on newspapers, magazines and
books. Don’t forget that maternity wards are often very warm, to keep babies at
a constant temperature, so you may need a fresh T-shirt to change into. If
you’re finding it tough, have a quiet word with a nurse who can relieve you
while you get some fresh air.
4. Be her rock
Support your partner in every
way you can. Breathe along with her to help her establish a rhythm, be her backrub guru (this can really help to ease the
pain), and encourage her if she becomes disheartened or loses confidence. Help
her to move into different positions such as standing, squatting, using the
birthing ball, rocking back and forwards on all-fours.
5. Judge her moods
Don’t take it to heart if she
doesn’t want to be held, or wants to be left alone. It is up to you to judge
when to back off and give her some space. Tell her she’s doing well, that
she’ll meet your baby very soon, that she’s strong, that you’re proud of her,
that you love her, and that this will all be over soon. In the last stages of
birth tell her what you can see: “I can see the baby’s head!” as it’ll give her
a much-needed boost for the final push.
6. Practicalities
It’s your responsibility to
make sure the car has a full tank of gas and that you know where to park, that
her labor bag is in the trunk and that she has enough snacks, drinks and
distractions between contractions. She should only have to focus on the labor
and birth. If you have other children, reassure her they’re safe and happy, and
that she’ll see them soon.
7. Communication
Help her to communicate what she
wants, especially if she’s in pain and can’t speak. Get familiar with her birth
plan and how she wants the birth to go, so you can communicate this to her
caregivers, and don’t be afraid to ask questions if you don’t understand what’s
happening. It might help to think of the word BRAIN when you’re faced with a
difficult decision, as the letters all relate to questions: B = what are the
benefits? R = what are the reasons for this? A = Is there an alternative?
I = what do your instincts tell you? N = what would happen if we did nothing?
If you go through this series of questions when you’re faced with tough
decisions – for instance, should you opt for a cesarean? – it can help to
rationalize the situation for both of you.
8. Be happy
Try to look positive and happy
about everything that’s happening rather than looking anxious. Lots of women
are worried about making noises during labor, or accidentally urinating or
passing a stool. This may or may not happen but if it does, laugh it off, give
her a kiss and carry on with the encouragement.
9. Be flexible
Birth plans change; babies come
early or are overdue (and can interfere with big projects at work); women in
labor can be irrational and unpredictable. Be prepared to not get the natural
water birth with whale music you had planned. Then, if it does happen it’ll be
an added bonus.
10. Be there
The most important thing you can
do is be there for her. This really is a drop-everything situation. If you’re
focused, it’ll help her to be focused and in control, so don’t sit chatting on
your cellphone or worrying about the meeting you’re missing at work. Focus on
your partner and give her positive encouragement, cuddles and lots of kisses.
The information in this feature is intended for
educational purposes only. If you have any concerns about your health, the
health of your child or the health of someone you know, please consult with a
doctor or other healthcare professional.