Teenage pregnancy
Getting pregnant is a big deal whatever your age; it's a life-changing experience. If you're pregnant and still in your teens, it's an even greater change to your life. It's likely that your pregnancy was unplanned; you may still feel as if you have a lot of growing up to do and have only just left childhood behind you. Suddenly you're faced with all this new responsibility and it's hard to imagine how you're going to cope. But don't panic!
If your pregnancy wasn't planned, it's likely that you're now experiencing a range of emotions; surprise, worry, anger, happiness and confusion. All these feelings are completely normal; any expectant mum will be feeling exactly the same. Hopefully you've got a supportive family and network of friends who will be there for you; their help is vital so lean on them. You'll certainly have your hands full and some people are bound to make negative comments if you're a teen mum, so be prepared for this. I even encountered prejudice when I was expecting my daughter and I was 21!
Suzie Hayman, spokeswoman and trustee for the parent support charity Parentline Plus, suggests that 'there can be prejudice against teen parents which is incredibly unhelpful and I certainly don't believe the myth that teenagers get pregnant to get a flat or benefits. Girls under 16 who have babies don't get any benefits, it goes directly to their families.' Everyone has their own opinion on what the 'correct' age to have a baby is and many people seem to think that if you have a child when you're very young, you will not be a good mother. This isn't true, so try not to become disheartened. The important thing to remember is that you can be a fantastic mum, whatever your age.
Britain has the highest rate of teenage pregnancy in Europe. More than twenty girls are falling pregnant every day. Hayman believes that this could be 'due to the social divide and the fact that rates are highest in areas where young people are socially excluded and don't have the same aspirations as their counterparts in more affluent areas.' There are campaigns to attempt to reduce the number of teenage mums in England. However, it's important to remember that there's a big difference between a fourteen-year-old becoming pregnant by accident and a nineteen-year-old mum who's planned to have a child. You can't generalise and lump everyone together in the same category. Hayman proposes that, 'we have to differentiate between those teenage girls who feel shock and are terrified when they discover they are pregnant and those for whom it is not a terrible thing, nor is it a surprise. I think some girls fall somewhere in between. Others may go into denial and try to hide the fact with baggy clothes.'
There are many new campaigns which are trying to raise awareness of sex and teenage pregnancies. Their aim is to keep teens informed, so they know what they're getting into. Teenage mums shouldn't be under any illusion that being a parent is easy. Many young girls think they're invincible and perhaps believe they can have sex and not become pregnant, but actually it's very easy for some people to conceive. A greater knowledge of how to practice safe sex could result in less unwanted pregnancies. There have also been suggestions that a repressed attitude is to blame for Britain's high rate of teenage pregnancy. Apparently, other countries are more open and don't treat sex as something which can't be talked about; in England it's somewhat of a taboo, so teenagers often end up rebelling. According to Hayman, 'we still have a reluctance to talk about sex and relationships and in schools; young people are taught about sex and contraception, but not about their feelings, how they may react in particular situations, choices, responsibilities etc. This is something that is done in Holland and has proved very successful there.'
One reason that many teenagers end up pregnant is that a young man or teenager's sperm can live for longer in the uterus than sperm from a man in his forties for example, so teenagers who are having unprotected sex are at more risk from falling pregnant because sperm can hang around longer. This means that if the teenage girl is a few days away from ovulating the sperm may still be able to fertilse an egg.
If you are a teenager and have recently found out you're pregnant, it's important that you realise that there is support available to you and you won't be judged. It's difficult to prevent young people from having sex but perhaps if sex education classes were more readily available and more people knew about contraception, there wouldn't be as many pregnancies occurring while girls are still at school.
Of course, this isn't to say that all teenage pregnancies are unwanted. Indeed, there are many girls of sixteen or seventeen who actively want to become mothers and this is their prerogative. If you are this age, however, and keen to become a mum, there are many factors you must take into account. Have you considered the cost of having a baby? Children are incredibly expensive; there's the cost of feeding them, clothing them, nappies and obviously they need a roof over their heads. You must consider whether your accommodation is large enough for a baby or if you're going to have to find somewhere new. As important as the financial cost, if not more, are the emotional implications; do you really feel ready for a baby? Are you in a stable relationship? It's likely that you won't have been with your partner for a very long time and you must remember that having a baby puts a huge strain on any relationship. You must also consider the fact that your life is going to change dramatically. While your friends are going out, you will be at home bringing up a baby. Of course, there's no greater gift than motherhood, but you will have to make many sacrifices and you must ensure that you are ready to say goodbye to your old life and hello to a very rewarding, but very different, life.
If you do find yourself pregnant at school, you must remember that this doesn't mean you have to leave any dreams of a good education behind. It's possible for you to continue your schooling if that's what you wish. This way, you can give you and your child the best start in life. You're allowed eighteen weeks away from school before and after the birth of your baby. There are alternative options if you feel like you can't stay at school; there's home tuition, for instance. There are also specialist units for teen mums, or you could study in further education college. For more information, contact the education department of your local council; it's important to know your rights. There are schemes, such as the 'Care to Learn', which will help you stay in learning after birth. This allows young parents under the age of nineteen to return to education through covering the cost of travel and childcare. Do not feel discriminated against; talk things through with your school counsellor so that you're aware of your rights - remember you're entitled to an education until you're 19 years old.
If you're a parent of a teenager and you're worried about them becoming a young mum, it's best to talk openly with them about your fears. Rather than treating sex as a dirty subject, talk to your children while they're young; answer any questions they may have about where babies come from. Give your child an honest response rather than making things up, as this will only make them more confused. If you find out that your teenager is pregnant, try to stay as calm as possible; it's important you support your child as they will really need you. Although you're bound to feel upset and confused, your child needs to know that you're there for them and that you will help them through their pregnancy and into parenthood.
There's a teenage pregnancy strategy; this attempts to tackle the causes and consequences of teenage pregnancy. It aims to reduce the rate of teenage pregnancy and increase the number of teens in education.
In previous generations, having a baby in your teens wasn't considered so surprising. There have been suggestions that the fact teenage pregnancies are on the rise is due to natural selection. There are support networks for parents of teenagers as well as for teenagers themselves.
Here, two mums share their different experiences of motherhood:
Jo, 17, Cardiff, mum to Susie, 2 : 'I was just fourteen when I found out I was expecting a baby. It was such a shock and I didn't know what to do. I decided I really wanted to keep the baby, but then I had to tell my parents. That was really difficult. My mum cried and my dad wouldn't speak to me for days. I think they were really disappointed in me. They were supportive in the end, but it took them a long time to come round to the idea. I had Suzie two years ago now and, although I wouldn't change her for the world, I miss doing things with my friends like going to the cinema or shopping. Young girls should think long and hard before taking any chances with pregnancy; once they've had a baby, they will have to make loads of sacrifices and will basically miss out on their youth. Luckily I had loads of help carrying on my studies at home and i'm training to be a nursery school teacher at the moment, so I'm able to take control back of my life and be able to provide for Susie.'
Sarah, 20, London, mum to Henry, 3: 'I got pregnant at sixteen. It wasn't something I planned; I'd only been with my boyfriend for a few months and our relationship was quite up and down. We really wanted to keep the baby and our parents were quite supportive. Henry was born three years ago and he's the happiest child. I got some funny looks from people when he was a baby, as I was only sixteen; one women even shouted something horrible at me down the street. You have to be tough if you're a teenage mum, as a lot of people will judge you. Henry's the best thing that ever happened to me, though. Unfortunately, I split up with his dad when he was one, but we're still in contact and he's a good dad. I have had to make changes to my life, but he's totally worth it. I love him so much and he's brought so much joy to my life.'
Preparing for your baby
You are going to need as much help as possible if you do find yourself pregnant in your teens. Your partner will need to help as much as he can, but your family may also step in and give you some time off from too. There are lots of videos of gurgle that help you tp prepare for the arrival of a baby, for instance, bathing your baby, breastfeeding or bottlefeeding and packing your change bag may all help you feel more prepared for when your baby arrives.
Babies are expensive, but you don't need to go overboard buying hundreds of cute outfits. Make a list of what you might need and ask friends and relatives to help you out with equipment such as breast pumps or sterilizers and nursery furniture. Babies grow out of clothes very quickly so only buy a few items when you need them.
It's also important that you are ready for birth and labour. You will be treated the same as any other expectant mum, when you're having your baby, but it's best that you are as prepared as possible. Birthing classes can really help, so talk to your doctor and see which ones are available in your area.They can also be a great way of meeting people in the same situation as you. For more information, read our feature on childbirth preparation classes. We also have many features on birth and labour which you might find useful, such as managing your labour pain: top ten hints.
Useful numbers:
Parentline Plus: free, confidential, 24-hour service 7 days a week: 0808 800 2222
www.parentlineplus.org.uk
The National Youth Agency: 0116 242 7350
FPA (Family Planning Association): 08451228690
Teenage pregnancy unit: www.doh.gov.uk/teenagepregnancyunit
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Last Modified: 08/01/2008