Head-off a tantrum

One two year old in every five is estimated to have tantrums, so you’re not alone!

Sue Atkins, author of Raising Happy Children for Dummies, (John Wiley & Sons, $31) says, “temper tantrums and saying ‘no’ are all about your little one growing up and wanting to gain some independence and control over their life. There are many reasons for temper outbursts and some of them include being frustrated at not being able to do something for themselves, a desire to be more independent, being hungry or tired, being refused something and wanting attention.” Here, Sue walks us through some quick tips to help head off that tantrum.

“Of course you’ve got to work out why your child is throwing the tantrum,” says Sue, “but it’s bound to be one or a combination of the above.” Here are Sue’s tips for dealing with a scream up:

- Relax. Breathe deeply and slowly three times as this gets you remembering to press what I call your ‘pause button’ and gets you back in control of the situation. It helps to calm you down first, which is really important. The last thing you want to do is shout at your child, which will make them more upset and frustrated and can teach them bad habits.

- Offer your toddler some control. Giving your little one small choices so they feel they have some control over their lives can work really well – do you want to put your shoes on now or after we’ve had a drink? These are limited choices and you are still completely in control but by offering two options your little one will really respond and enjoy the new responsibility.

- Keep a tantrum diary and write down when, where and how the tantrum occurs. You may notice a pattern – like the time of day, just before lunch, just before they need a sleep etc. Notice what happens immediately before a tantrum and what the triggers are. By keeping a note you will get greater clarity about what to do and how to handle it. You may also be able to spot the ‘signs’ of a tantrum. Your toddler suddenly saying ‘No’ to everything, for instance, or becoming whiney all of a sudden.

- Also notice how you’re feeling – are you upbeat and mean business or are you tired, overwhelmed and feeling a bit washed out and can’t be bothered? This has a huge bearing on how your little one responds to you. As in my first point, try to stay as calm as possible and also follow through what you are doing with confidence and conviction. If you say ‘we’re going to leave the store immediately if you don’t stop screaming’, then do it.

For more help with the terrible twos or tantrums, see our articles on tantrums and helping your child to overcome frustration.

The information in this feature is intended for educational purposes only. If you have any concerns about your health, the health of your child or the health of someone you know, please consult with a doctor or other healthcare professional.

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Last Modified: 25/10/2007

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