Trying to conceive and your emotions
Figures from the American Society of Reproductive Medicine suggest that infertility affects about 6.1 million Americans but even for fertile couples it can be difficult to get pregnant. It’s worth remembering that while 25 percent of couples who are having regular intercourse without protection conceive in the first month, 60 percent might reach six months before conceiving, 75 percent conceive within nine months, 80 percent within a year and 90 percent within 18 months.
One-third of couples where the woman is age 35-39 will have problems with fertility; that number jumps to two-thirds for women over age 40. Even reproductively healthy women age up to 30 have only a 20 percent chance of conceiving in any given month (compared with 5 percent for women over 40).
It’s clear then that for many couples, getting pregnant doesn’t happen overnight – and this can cause a great deal of emotional distress. Unfortunately it can turn into a vicious cycle, as the resulting stress can, in turn, impact on fertility. The quest to conceive also can result in relationship difficulties, as women become more and more anxious and upset over their lack of pregnancy, which they see as the most basic biological right and function. Emotions can become even more heightened if medical investigations suggest that one or other of you has a problem that is delaying or preventing pregnancy.
If you have been trying for a baby for some time it’s likely you will start to feel depressed at your failure to conceive. Unfortunately, depression may interfere with the delicate hormonal balance required for conception, reducing the number of eggs and their quality. about 20 percent of infertility is unexplained and in many cases assisted reproductive techniques such as IVF should work to solve the issue – but often they don’t, and it’s here that depression may be at work.
So how can you overcome your anxiety and control your emotions when you aren’t getting pregnant as quickly as you’d hoped to?
Be realistic
Be aware of the fact that your chances of getting pregnant each aren’t actually all that high. Don’t expect to become pregnant the moment you
come off the Pill. If you expect it to take some time then you won’t be too disheartened when you get your period. As a rule, if you haven’t conceived after a year of trying you should seek medical advice but if you’re over 35 you should seek advice after six months.
Take a break from trying
The pressure to conceive can become so great that it might be worth taking a break from it entirely. Have a month where you don’t break out the ovulation predictor kit, or time sex around ovulation. You might even want to use protection. It will take the pressure off because you won’t be waiting with bated breath for that missed period.
Distract yourself
Try to avoid focusing every though on getting pregnant. A good way of doing this is to start a new hobby around the time you begin trying, or maybe do an online course, start a home improvement project or schedule some volunteering. All of these can help to take your mind off conception.
Practise relaxation techniques
Meditation and deep breathing can be very effective at helping you control feelings of stress that may be disrupting your hormonal balance. Try sitting in a chair with your hands palm up on your thighs and your eyes closed. Starting with your toes, tense and then relax each muscle group at a time, breathing deeply in through your nose and out through your mouth. Once you have reached a state of complete relaxation, sit and breathe deeply for five minutes.
Nurture yourself
Setting aside some me-time for relaxing, taking a walk or going to the beauty salon is a useful reminder that you need to care for your body and mind and will help you to relax.
Don’t test too soon
Home pregnancy tests are expensive so don’t use them every single month because even the act of peeing on a stick heightens your emotions – after all you’d only do it in the first place because you are hoping against hope that you have been successful. Wait until your period is a week late and you are having other early pregnancy symptoms.
Avoid playing the blame game
If you don’t get pregnant straightaway, it’s natural to start trying to pinpoint reasons why it isn’t happening. For example, if you’ve had gynecological problems in the past your partner might think these are responsible for the delay, while you might obsess about the fact that he smokes or drinks too much. Blaming each other will only cause negativity that makes it even more difficult to get pregnant simply because it could affect how often you have sex!
Look after yourself
Women are often so concerned about getting pregnant that they forget to care for themselves. Self-nurture reminds them to love and care for their minds and bodies with enjoyable, stress-free activities such as taking relaxing walks, lying on a hammock, listening to classical music or reading a novel.
The information in this feature is intended for educational purposes only. If you have any concerns about your health, the health of your child or the health of someone you know, please consult with a doctor or other healthcare professional.
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Last Modified: 30/08/2009
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