Grandparents and new babies

You can’t choose when you become a grandparent, but most will admit that as well as being a magical experience it can make them feel a tad apprehensive.

Questions such as, ‘will I have forgotten everything’, ‘will we be good grandparents’ and ‘what will we be called’ may spring to mind! Here we’ve gathered some helpful hints to prepare you for taking the next step in your parenting journey.

Changing attitudes

Bear in mind that the new parents’ views will likely be very different to your own child-rearing ideals. “My son and his wife brought my granddaughter up in a very different way to how I brought up my kids,” says Lorraine Kennedy, 61, from Lowell, Mass. “They were very organized. They had Lilly in a routine at three months and refused to budge on the routine even if it meant missing out on things. I was a bit more relaxed in my day.” The point to remember is that your parents probably frowned on your own child-rearing skills back then and so the cycle continues. Pointing out what you think they’re doing wrong will only upset and frustrate them. You’d be better off taking a more positive attitude and focusing on the things you agree with – that your grandchild seems really happy and content, for example.

Your name

Lots of grandparents love to be called grannie and grandpa, but some think it makes them sound old! Don’t be afraid of letting the new parents know if you want to be called something different. “I decided that I wanted to be called Rani as it was the name I called my grandmother,” says Betty Gallo, 58, from Tampa, FL. “My grandchildren loved having a grannie with a ‘different’ name.”

Also be sure to check what the other sets of grandparents want to be called if you want to sound different from each other.

Distracted

Don’t be alarmed when the new parents disappear off the radar for the first few weeks/months! It’s hard to adjust to life with a new baby and keeping in touch with friends and family often falls by the wayside. Try to resist the urge to call them all the time and if you can, recognize in their voices if they seem too tired or stressed for phone conversations.

Your role

Your role as a grandparent all depends on where you live in relation to the new parents and how much involvement you and the parents wish to have. If the new mom plans to return to work and you live nearby and are willing to help out, your help might be much needed. On the other hand, stopping in unannounced might not be what they want. Always phone first to make sure they’re in a fit state. Often new parents have a stream of visitors when all they want is to be left alone getting used to their new baby, so bear this in mind.

What you can do with your grandchild

The role of a grandparent is a really special one, offering emotional support, love and lots of attention to growing minds. Even a small baby will love to be rocked or sung to by a grandparent (plus, it gives mom a break). As your grandchild gets older, there are many activities you can share together from coloring in to teaching them games you used to play at school. Taking your grandchild for a special day out can be a memorable experience especially if she is one of three or more children, as she’ll enjoy having your individual attention for the day. See our articles on playing with newborns and playing with an older baby.

The candy jar…

It may seem a cliché that grandparents tend to spoil their grandchildren rotten, but for the most part it’s true. If you really can’t help yourself, check with the parents which treats your grandchild is allowed and try to stick to healthy options. It’s best not to annoy the parents by handing out candy when they might not want the kids to get into the candy habit… and the fact you aren’t the one having to brush that screaming toddler’s teeth, or pay for his dental work, may just breed even more resentment.

Children and safety

It’s imperative that you take the necessary steps to ensure your home, yard and car are safe for your grandchild. Watch our videos on babyproofing your yard and read our article babyproofing your home for handy hints.

How your grandchild sleeps is bound to have changed since you looked after your own children. Nowadays parents are advised to lay their baby to sleep on their back to help reduce the incidence of crib death. Make sure you check with the parents exactly what they do at bedtime so you can keep to the same routine. See our article creating a safe sleep environment for your baby for a refresher course.

Dealing with bad behavior

Even adorable grandchildren misbehave! It can be really difficult to discipline a grandchild you dote on and the best advice is to ask the parents which form of discipline they employ (the naughty step for instance) and what they feel you should use. Some naughty behavior will probably be down to playing up when mommy and daddy are away but if it becomes more and more frequent it needs to be dealt with straightaway. But don’t forget that what’s unacceptable to you might be OK to the parents. Play safe and get them write some ground rules down for you so your grandchildren don’t try the old ‘mommy and daddy let me do it…’ trick! See our article on heading off a tantrum to help you with the terrible twos.

Financial support from grandparents

Often there’s pressure for grandparents to contribute some kind of financial support for their grandchildren but you should only provide this if you’re willing and can afford it. There are lots of cheap alternatives, such as contributing to your grandchild’s college fund from time to time. In terms of gifts, don’t feel you have to go over the top buying the latest gadgets – supermarkets offer good cheap clothes for babies and children nowadays and young children are as happy with a tub filled with keys and building blocks as they are with expensive children’s toys.

Don't forget you can join a grandparents group in our groups area, or discuss anything with other gurgle members in our chat forum if there’s something on your mind.

The information in this feature is intended for educational purposes only. If you have any concerns about your health, the health of your child or the health of someone you know, please consult with a doctor or other healthcare professional