Only Children
Many families today are choosing to remain small and have only one child. In fact, the single child household is the fastest growing family unit in the world.
The causes of this are debatable but the most commonly held notions are that women are having children at a later age, not to mention the rising costs of raising a child. However, the result of this trend may have a huge effect on families and society in general, because as only children grow up and start families of their own, their children will not have aunts, uncles, or cousins, and the size of the extended family will become much smaller.
Beyond this, there have long been concerns about the effect of growing up with no brothers and sisters on a child’s personality. These concerns date back to G. Stanley Hall, founder of childhood psychology, who states that being an only child is “a disease itself.” Since then, a stereotype has existed that only children will grow up to be either antisocial and complete loners, or bossy and overly controlling, because they have no other children in the household to interact with, they will grow up without normal social skills or the ability to interact with their peers. The lack of siblings also means that there is no one to share with; an only child will have all the toys, all the resources, all the attention. Because they are the main and only focus of their parents’ attention, they will become used to being the centre of attention, and therefore overly demanding and in need of constant validation and praise. Their parent’s constant focus and pressure can also cause an overwhelming need to succeed and a fear of failure.
On the other side of the coin, others claim that it is actually more advantageous to have an only child because they will grow up to be more independent and driven to succeed. An only child will have access to everything their parents can give, financial and emotional, and will have more opportunities for success, both in school and in life. Their parents’ full support and attention will give them more ambition and desire to do well. Only children will also be more mature because their parents are their only companions and they become used to interacting with adults. Also, the lack of siblings as built in friends will force an only child to make friends outside of their home and therefore gives them better social skills than other children. This will also help them be more adaptable to different situations. Because they do not have siblings to play with, they must learn to entertain themselves, and therefore become more self reliant. Only children have more freedom to explore their own creativity and individuality because there is no sibling rivalry or competition for their parents’ attention.
Despite all of these speculations on the detriments and benefits of growing up an ‘only’, most studies done on the subject show no major differences in personality between children with or without siblings. Most psychologists claim that personality traits do not depend on how many children are in a household, but rather on how they are raised by their parents.
If you have any only child, try to encourage the possible benefits, like creativity and independence. Here are some hints and tips when bringing up an only child.
- Allow your child to spend time by herself, doing activities of her own choice. Give her creative options instead of television or video games, such as art supplies and musical instruments, or educational toys.
- Allow and encourage her to solve problems on her own, and let her make decisions to inspire confidence and self esteem.
- If she will be receiving childcare, think about placing her in day care rather than hiring a nanny, so she can have the opportunity to interact with other children and make friends.
- Be accepting that because your child does not have siblings, she will need more play dates to be around her friends and have someone to play with outside of school, at weekends and also sleepovers when she gets old enough.
- As she grows older, avoid placing too much pressure on her to succeed.
- Encourage your child toward ambitions and goals, but do not punish or shame for failure; make sure your child feels your support whether or not they are successful.
- Always remember it is not how big your family is that will make your children who they are, but the love and support they receive from everyone around them.
- Consider taking another child away with you if you go away for the weekend or you are planning a holiday so that they have someone to play with and you have some 'downtime'! (This might be more relevant to an older child)
- Introduce them to older and younger children so that they learn the social skills to be able to play with different age children. Older cousins or friends with babies may help your child to learn and respect different age children. The ability to share their toys etc with other children is a hard one for any child to learn, but more so for only children so encourage your child to play and share her toys with others whilst explaining how nice it is to share.
- For toddlers, going with them to play groups, story time at the library and any situation where they can interact with other children will be beneficial to them. This is especially the case if you are looking after your child at home and she does not attend a nursery yet, as it is important for her to interact and watch other children playing so she can learn from the experience.
- There is a tendency for parents of only children to spoil them. As hard as it might seem, try not to indulge them in this way or they will come to expect this from anyone they are close to as they grow up.
- Resist the temptation to let your child grow up too quickly. Don’t forget your child is spending a lot of time with two adults and so might have to ‘muck in’ with whatever you are doing. This might mean that you have to take extra care to have ‘playtime’ with your child to balance out the times when your child has to come to a restaurant with you for example.
The information in this feature is intended for educational purposes only. If you have any concerns about your health, the health of your child or the health of someone you know, please consult with a doctor or other healthcare professional
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Last Modified: 09/04/2008
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