Gay parenting

More and more same-sex couples are becoming parents in the US – it’s estimated that at least four million children have at least one parent who is lesbian or gay.

Two decades ago, the children of same-sex couples tended to be the offspring of heterosexual relationships that ended to be replaced by a homosexual relationship. Today, homosexual adults can choose to be parents, either conceiving with donor sperm or IVF, or by adopting a child.

According to the last census, and recent statistics from Los Angeles School of Law, 65,000 adopted children are being raised by same-sex parents in the US. Eleven states (California, Connecticut, Maryland, Massachusetts, Nevada, New York, New Jersey, Indiana, Illinois, Pennsylvania and Vermont) either implicitly or explicitly state that sexual orientation cannot legally prevent gay and lesbians from adopting. And more Americans – 57 percent according to a 2007 CNN poll – are in favor of allowing same-sex couples the legal right to adopt children.

Same-sex parenting and your children

Several organizations – including the National Adoption Center, the American Medical Association, the American Psychological Association, and the American Academy of Pediatrics – say that having gay and lesbian parents does not negatively affect children.

A 2005 study from Boston’s Tufts University School of Medicine concluded that children growing up with same-sex parents don’t necessarily have differences in self-esteem, gender identity, or emotional problems from children growing up in heterosexual parent homes. In fact, they did better than children from single heterosexual parent households. And a 2008 University of California study suggests that children with lesbian or gay parents show more empathy for social diversity and are less confined by gender stereotypes. Previous research confirms the latter, with the daughters of lesbian parents being more likely to aspire to nontraditional gender occupations, such as doctors, lawyers, or engineers.

The 2005 study also indicated that same-sex parents tended to be more likely to model equitable division of labor in the home, sharing chores and responsibilities more evenly.

What to consider

If you are planning to use donor sperm to conceive a child and are in a female same-sex relationship you’ll have to work out which of you will be the recipient of the sperm or transplanted embryo and carry and deliver any resulting baby.

You can choose to use an anonymous sperm donor but many lesbians use sperm donated by friends. If this is the case you’ll need to carefully discuss how much involvement your baby’s father is going to have with his child and how much say in his or her upbringing. Many lesbian women ask gay male friends to donate sperm so they can be sure that their baby’s father won’t have any issues with their sexual orientation as their child grows to adulthood.

Male same-sex couples can choose which of them will donate sperm to be used to artificially inseminate a surrogate, but this will be an expensive option. For that reason many male same-sex couples (and single gay men) choose to adopt.

The information in this feature is intended for educational purposes only. If you have any concerns about your health, the health of your child or the health of someone you know, please consult with a doctor or other healthcare professional.

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Last Modified: 15/03/2009

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