Are you turning into your mom
Many new moms report feeling much closer to their moms after they have their baby, because becoming a mother yourself gives you a whole new insight into your mom’s character, motives and parenting style. And in a lot of ways it’s no bad thing – after all, she did a good job raising you so she can be a great teacher when it comes to passing on those valuable parenting skills that will help you care for your baby as she grows. But it’s also important to follow your own maternal instincts as well as your pediatrician’s advice.
Often things you might have resented her for become so much clearer now you have your own child, and you might better realize that decisions you may not have agreed with when you were a child yourself were made under difficult and emotional circumstances and that she always had your best intentions at heart – sometimes mom really does know best!
How like your mom are you?
Ask yourself these questions to work out if you’ve turned into your mom since having a baby!
- Do you find yourself using her tone and phrases she used to use with you when you talk to your kids? For example, “I only have one pair of hands!”
- Have you given up some of your life goals and put your career on hold since becoming a mom, just as your own mom might have done?
- Do you handle the family finances just like your mom did.
- Do you cook the exact same meals as she used to cook for you when you were young.
- Do you sometimes stop mid-sentence because you have realized that you sound just like your mom!
- Is your partner is similar in mood and appearance to your dad!
Balancing your mom’s influence
Your answers to these questions might clue you into the fact that you’re like your mom in funny, harmless ways – but in some other ways, her influence might limit you as a parent and could even put your baby at risk. Baby care basics have likely changed a great deal since you were born. It may well be that the advice she gives you when it comes to certain aspects of baby care might run directly counter to your pediatrician’s advice, and to modern methods of raising a baby.
For example, your mom is from the generation of mothers who placed their babies on their fronts to sleep. However, research has shown that this is a big risk factor for sudden infant death syndrome, or crib death. Nowadays, moms are advised to place their baby on her back to ensure she
sleeps safely. You need to ensure that your mom knows how important this is, especially if she is caring for your baby while you are at work, or babysitting her so that you can have a night out.
You need to be strict – and if you find that your mom is not following your requests, and is placing your baby on her front or side you may need to avoid situations where she is the one to put your baby down for naps and overnight sleep. She also might have a tendency to overwrap your baby and
overheating also is a factor in crib death. In this cases, it can be helpful to show your mom official pamphlets from your pediatrician that explain how important safe sleep is for babies. She might be more willing to take heed of what she sees as the voice of authority if she is disregarding you.
Feeding also can be an area where you need to plow your own furrow. You may want to
breastfeed your baby but your mom may not have done so or might have been told her milk was ‘too thin’ or she didn’t ‘have enough’. If she is discouraging you from breastfeeding, explain to her why it’s the best start in life for babies, and how
breast milk is produced so that she has more understanding of your reasons. And when it comes to your older baby, stick to your guns in regard to weaning her later rather than sooner even if you mom keeps telling you that you were on
solids by six weeks old.
You might also remember that your mom wasn’t very emotionally or physically affectionate with you, which you definitely don’t want to repeat with your own baby, or she might have been a strict disciplinarian, whereas you would like to approach discipline in a less strict way. Did she
play favorites with you and your siblings? Again, that’s something you’ll want to avoid – and if you have more than one child you also will need to ensure that she isn’t repeating that behavior when she spends time with them.
Above all, try to write your own parenting plan – and keep in mind that you can pick and choose what to follow and what to ignore when it comes to your mom’s parenting style!
The information in this feature is intended for educational purposes only. If you have any concerns about your health, the health of your child or the health of someone you know, please consult with a doctor or other healthcare professional.
Related Articles
Last Modified: 17/07/2009
Related Chat
You'll need to be logged in to post new Comments and Answers or to Chat.
Login or
Register