The impact of a new baby on your relationship
Although having a baby is a very exciting time, it can also be a difficult one.
Suddenly, you and your partner are making the transition from being a couple to a family – and although you both have so much to look forward to together, you won't be able to enjoy the quality time with each other that you're used to. Spontaneous weekend breaks and those long weekend lie-ins are all a thing of the past now!
The sacrifice will be worth it, but it does take some getting used to. Like it or not, having a baby puts quite a strain on your relationship and while many partnerships will flourish some buckle under the pressure. Communication is the key if you want your relationship to survive your new addition. Once your baby is asleep (finally!), set some time aside to talk to your partner about this new phase in your life. Express your emotions and talk through your feelings. Make sure that you build on your existing partnership and work together, not against each other. Enough of your energy will be spent on looking after your baby, without wasting any more on petty bickering. Research has shown that the strongest relationships are those in which the husband has a deep respect and admiration for his wife and her new role as a mother. He mustn't belittle her in any way; she may have given up work to be a full-time mother, but her husband should admire this and not feel jealous. As well as appreciating each other, remember to also be affectionate and loving.
There's no perfect relationship, so give yourselves a break – don't set yourself high ideals which you constantly try to live up to. If you and your partner do snap at each other, don't beat yourself up about it. Parenting is no mean feat and you're bound to feel tired and irritable at the end of the day. Don't underestimate the impact that having a baby will have on your lives. This new bundle of joy will alter everything but, if you let it, it will change your life for the better.
Most new parents suffer from sleep deprivation in the first few months and this is enough to make anyone cranky and you’ll likely to take it out on the person closest to you – your partner. It's perfectly normal but if it happens, remind each other why it’s happening and make an effort to apologize and spend some time together the following evening.
Share tasks with your partner. Even if one of you is working, you should both take responsibility for your child. Alternate what you do – for example, one of you changes the baby's diaper while the other gives her a bath. This will prevent either of you getting bored.
It’s vital that you make time for yourselves. It's normal to go off sex when you've recently given birth – suddenly you don't seem to have either the time or the inclination to be sensual and physical. However, it's important to remember that intimacy is a crucial part of any relationship. This isn't to say that you should rush things, however – it's probably best to wait a few weeks after you've given birth before you resume having sex, as your body needs time to recover. Wait until your OB-GYN or nurse-midwife has given you the all-clear. Read our feature on postpartum sex to learn more on this subject.
Try to get a babysitter now and then – if you're always listening out for your baby you're not giving yourself a proper chance to relax and unwind. Why not enjoy a special meal together, with some classic aphrodisiacs on the menu, like oysters or chocolates? (Or both!) Light some candles and put on some of your favorite music to really set the scene, and see where the night takes you... remember to use contraception though, as it might not be your intention to fall pregnant again straightaway! For more advice, have a look at our article on postpartum contraception.
The information in this feature is intended for educational purposes only. If you have any concerns about your health, the health of your child or the health of someone you know, please consult with a doctor or other healthcare professional.