Sex during pregnancy and after birth.
During pregnancy and after birth, you can expect to experience many changes, of both a physical and emotional nature. One area in which you might notice a difference is your sex life.
Sex during pregnancy:
While some women may feel more highly sexed, others might not feel like having sex at all. Whichever category you fall into, be reassured that there will be many people who feel the same as you, so resist the temptation to compare yourself to others.
If you're experiencing a normal, healthy pregnancy, there's no reason why you and your partner shouldn't have intercourse. If, however, your pregnancy falls into a 'high-risk' category - if you've experienced a miscarriage in the past, had a baby before 37 weeks or experienced any vaginal bleeding, for example, your doctor may recommend that you don't have sex. If you've had placenta previa or are having a multiple birth pregnancy, you might also be advised not to have sex. Talk to your doctor if you're unsure as to whether you fall into a high-risk category.
If you're not feeling particularly like having sex, it may put your mind at ease to know that these feelings are especially common in the first trimester of pregnancy. Whereas previously you and your partner might have enjoyed an active sex life, now that you're pregnant you may feel as if you have neither the energy nor the inclination. This may be due to the fact that, in the early stages of pregnancy, you’re likely to feel nauseous and tired. In addition, you may be suffering from morning sickness and tender breasts; it's not surprising, therefore, if your sex drive isn't particularly high.
As you enter your second trimester, however, your energy levels are likely to return and you may therefore regain your desire for sex. According to psychologist Dr. Petra Boynton, this is due to the fact that you may be 'getting over feeling grotty'. According to Dr. Boynton, some people might feel increasingly aroused during this stage of pregnancy as 'the clitoris is more engorged.' She also attributes the fact that some women are more sexually active at this time to the fact that they're experiencing a certain sense of liberation; they're no longer afraid of putting on weight and are 'more in tune with their body.' Indeed, Dr. Boynton asserts that 'this can be a very sensual and arousing time.' Furthermore, some couples might feel a certain freedom because there's no need to worry about contraception anymore. (Obviously this is assuming that neither you nor your partner have an STD). You may also be feeling closer to your partner, in which case sex during pregnancy can be a way of expressing your love. Your partner, in turn, might find your new body shape attractive and arousing.
If you are sexually active during pregnancy, it's worth remembering that after having sex, you may feel as if you’re having a contraction; this is usually as a result of your uterus contracting after orgasm. If you're concerned, however, you should obviously consult your GP or midwife. If you feel any pain when having sex or experience any bleeding, consult a midwife or GP immediately and refrian from having any more sex.
However, if your sex drive doesn't increase in your second trimester, don’t worry. There's no textbook way to feel; fundamentally, according to Dr. Boynton, it's a case of 'going with the flow.' As well as feeling tired and uncomfortable, you might be somewhat self-conscious about your changing body shape. The key, suggests Dr. Boynton, is to communicate with your partner and not to set yourself unrealistic expectations. Talk through your feelings; if your partner has any issues about your changing body or hurting your baby, this could be a time for him to voice them. Indeed, it's very common for couples to worry about harming their unborn baby, but in the majority of cases these fears are completely unfounded, as your baby is well-protected by both the mucous plug and the amniotic sac. Read sex during early pregnancy to learn more. Later on in pregnancy, other factors may affect your sex drive; you may have heartburn, indigestion and be feeling fairly exhausted and tired of lugging round the extra weight. For more information, read our feature on pregnancy sex: the good, the bad and the ugly.
If you do find that you have little interest in sex during pregnancy, there are many other ways for you to manifest your affection for your partner. For instance, you can keep intimacy and romance alive by kissing, cuddling, practising foreplay, stroking, massaging or sharing a bath (depending on your size!). Other options, according to Dr. Boynton, include mutual masturbation and oral sex. The important thing is to listen to your body and, according to Dr. Boynton, just ask yourself 'what is it you feel like doing?'
Sex after birth:
When you’ve got a new baby, sex may well be the last thing on your mind. Sleepless nights, coupled with all the other responsibilities of a new parent, may leave you feeling exhausted and more like curling up in bed with a good book and a cup of tea, rather than anything more raunchy! Doctors recommend that you wait until after your 6 week check before having intercourse. There are other ways to be intimate, though, and these are the same as mentioned above - cuddling, kissing and masturbation, for example. If the doctor gives you the all-clear, it’s your choice as to when you resume your sex life. It's important to remember that the six-week check is put in place to ensure that your body has recovered from pregnancy and birth; it shouldn't be used as an indicator that you have to now resume your sex life. While some couples may be keen to have sex as soon as possible, others may not feel the need or desire for many months. As Dr. Boynton asserts, 'if six months down the line you still don't want to have sex, that's fine.' It's very much a personal decision and not one that should be forced or rushed.
Furthermore, don’t have high expectations about the first time you have sex after birth, as it might well be different to how it was pre-pregnancy. Your body may feel tender and bruised; you may also be worried about how different your partner will find your body. To alleviate any fears, try to make your first love-making session fairly gentle. It might be advisable that you go on top or lie side-to-side, so that you can monitor how deeply your partner penetrates. If you’ve had stitches, or a C-section then you’ll probably want to wait much longer than six weeks. Rather than bottling your emotions up, talk to your partner about how you’re feeling and if something’s tender, tell him, so that he knows what you do and don’t like. It’s better that you express your feelings; your partner isn't a mind-reader. If the first time you have sex after birth is a diaster - don't give up. It will get better, easier and more enjoyable, especially if you take it slowly and don't put too much pressure on yourselves.
Some people worry that if they don't really feel like having sex either during pregnancy or soon after birth, it will drive a wedge between them and their partner, especially if one person wants to have sex and the other doesn't. According to Dr. Boynton, couples should not focus so much on the issue of sex, but on the areas that really matter, like 'communication, intimacy and closeness.'
The information on this feature is intended for educational purposes only. If you have any concerns about your health, the health of your child or the health of someone you know, please consult with a doctor or other healthcare professional.
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Last Modified: 30/01/2008