How to be a sexy mama
It can be hard to think of yourself as separate from your baby in the first months following the birth, and with 24-7 babycare leaving you too tired to do much more than slump on the sofa when you aren’t feeding, changing nappies or soothing those tears, feeling sexy will be the last thing on your mind.
Yet feeling good about yourself after the birth is vital for your self esteem, general wellbeing and libido. While your baby naturally comes first you need to ensure that she doesn’t squeeze the romance out of your relationship. Here are gurgle’s tips for getting your groove back and feeling great about yourself after the birth…
1 Give it time
You’ve just been through the hardest job you’ll ever do, so don’t beat yourself up over not feeling sexy. In any case, your midwife will probably recommend that you don’t have
sex until after your six-week check, to be sure your body is healing. And if you’ve had stitches after a
tear or
episiotomy, or had a
caesarean, feeling sexy won’t play a large role in your night life for a while.
2 Get out of the house
As tempting as it may be to schlep around the house all day inn your PJs, don’t go into purdah once you’ve had your baby. Getting out into the fresh air with your baby in her sling or buggy will re-energize you as well as help you burn off those
pregnancy pounds.
3 Mingle!
Keep in touch with the other women you met in your antenatal classes and arrange a weekly get together at each other’s houses. New to the area? Check out gurgle’s groups to find other mums with babies the same age as yours, or contact your local branch of the National Childbirth Trust to make contact with other new mums. Knowing you aren’t alone in the experience of mew motherhood and all of the emotional and physical ups and downs that accompany it can make a huge difference in how you feel about yourself after the birth.
4 Work that body
Pregnancy and birth take their toll on your body and it can take time to get back to your pre-pregnancy shape and weight. Every little bit of exercise helps so walk whenever and wherever you can, or see if you local leisure centre offers postnatal fitness classes. If you meet up with the other mums in your antenatal classes, why not get together at your local park once or twice a week with your babies, for a buggy workout? After all, that’s what those swish 3-wheel joggers are designed for!
5 Have a mummy makeover
Sleepless nights can make your skin look dull and you’ll probably find that the pregnancy hormones that had an effect on your skin and hair before you had your baby also affect your appearance as they retreat. You’ll see a big difference in your hair three or so months after your baby is born, when it will re-enter its usual growth-loss cycle and the hair you didn’t lose during your pregnancy begins to fall out. Now’s the time to book yourself a pampering facial and a haircut at a local salon… plus, get your eyelashes dyed and your legs waxed at the same time so you know you can look good first thing with a minimum of effort. It’ll boost your self-esteem no end. And while you’re at it, some lingerie will also make you feel red hot when the time comes!
6 Turn back the clock
For such a small baby, she sure makes a big impact on day-to-day life – if you let her! But really, why should she stop you from doing and enjoying the things you used to enjoy before she arrived? Just include her – she’ll probably be perfectly happy to sleep in her sling or buggy while you meander around an art gallery or museum together, she won’t notice if you play footsie under the table while you eat dinner, and she’ll likely be highly amused at the site of you bopping around to Madonna while she relaxes in her bouncy chair.
7 Plan date night
Once a week after your baby is tucked up in her cot have a late dinner with just the two of you – even if it’s just a pizza. Make it feel special by lighting candles and playing your favourite music.
Reconnecting in this way is vital and it demonstrates to each other that you’re committed to nourishing your relationship. Once you feel comfortable about leaving your baby for a couple of hours, hire a sitter (or better yet, take up your mum’s or a friend’s offer to watch her for a while so you can have a break). Take in a movie, or have dinner; or why not schedule a romantic lunch together if you’re at home with the baby while he goes to work or vice versa? Make it a regular monthly date if you can.
8 Don’t let babycare stress interfere with intimacy
If you’ve had a hard day with your baby try not to take it out on your partner once they get in from work. They’ll likely want to help you feel better so don’t throw the fact that you’re doing the lion’s share back in their faces. If your partner reaches out, respond, however tense you feel.
9 Tell your partner how you feel and what you want
Let’s face it, if frisky sex was your main way of expressing your commitment and love to each other before your baby was born then that’s what your partner’s frame of reference is going to be – unless you tell them otherwise. So if it’s a soothing neck and shoulder massage, a foot rub, a lie-in or breakfast in bed that turns you on now you’re a mum, spell it out for him! And tell him how you feel too – explain that your body is different and you don’t feel as sexy as you used to. Having him reassure you that you still turn him on will be a great confidence booster.
10 Take it slow the first time
The first time you have sex after giving birth you’ll probably feel as nervous as you did the first time you had sex full stop. Starting out with non-penetrative sex can help ease you back into your sex life: as you probably know there are plenty of ways to have a good time without having full sex! When it does come to intercourse, you’ll probably worry most about it hurting, especially if you tore or had an episiotomy. Vaginal dryness is a big problem following birth, as hormone levels drop, so a lubricant such as KY Jelly can help. If you’re breastfeeding and worried about leaking breast milk, pump beforehand – or wear a lacy bra during sex, with your nursing pads tucked inside! Above all, try not to worry about your jelly belly or
stretch marks… at the end of the day, he’s going to be so thrilled he’s finally getting some that he won’t notice them!
The information in this feature is intended for educational purposes only. If you have any concerns about your health, the health of your child or the health of someone you know, please consult with a doctor or other healthcare professional.
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Last Modified: 10/12/2008
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