New baby = no sex?

It’s likely your growing bump may have impact hugely on your sex life while you were pregnant, but even if you can’t wait to get it up and running again after you have your baby, it can be difficult to fit postpartum sex in around baby care. And the truth is that even if the spirit is willing the body often isn’t – you’re likely to be exhausted, may be suffering from postpartum depression, and might also be feeling a lack of confidence in your post-pregnancy body. It means that any quiet time in bed, if and when you get it, is likely to be viewed as time to catch up on sleep, not sex!

It can cause a lot of relationship issues between new parents when one is keen but the other is just too tired for it, but it is important that you try to fit some in somewhere. Sex is usually a big part of any relationship and in resuming your sex life, you’re entering back into that relationship, as one half of a couple – vital if your family is to flourish – as well as a mom. However, good intention often can fall by the wayside as you fall in love with your baby. You’re conditioned to focus all of your attention on her and there may be times when your partner feels he’s been totally replaced in your affections.

It’s important that you reassure your partner that this is just a temporary phase and that you still love and need him. Give him plenty of opportunities to bond with your baby too: don’t always step in to ‘rescue’ him – he needs to be emotionally invested in your baby too.

Your low libido is natural – it’s nature’s way of giving your body time to recover after carrying a baby for nine months and the endurance test that is labor. Other issues can factor in too. If you had a tear or episiotomy and needed stitches, you may be worrying that sex will be painful. If you did have stitches it’s likely that your OB-GYN or midwife will recommend that you wait until after your six-week postpartum check to think about resuming sex. (If you’re among the few couples who are raring to go the day after the birth, hold off on those urges – you are still bleeding at this time and are at risk of infections if you have sex.)

Don’t let that first time be an unpleasant experience that puts you off trying it again – use plenty of lubricant (your body will be producing less natural lubricant due to hormone fluctuations and this can continue for some time if you’re breastfeeding) and take it slowly. It’s also a good idea to try to arrange for your baby to be elsewhere at the time so you aren’t disturbed partway into it! See if you can get your mom or a friend to watch her for a couple of hours so you can take your time without worrying that she’ll start crying and being distracted when (inevitably!) she does. If you can’t get anyone to watch her, then you’ll have to work around her naps and bedtime. Try to see it as a challenge and use your imagination – sex doesn’t always have to happen in bed and at night!

The information in this feature is intended for educational purposes only. If you have any concerns about your health, the health of your child or the health of someone you know, please consult with a doctor or other healthcare professional.