Are we ready for another baby?
Your financial situation – while it’s true that you won’t have to make the big purchases again, second children don’t subsist exclusively on hand-me-downs and another child brings with it a new set of expenses. If you have returned to work, think about the financial repercussions for you both of giving up work again to have a second child.
Your age – After the age if 35, women’s fertility rates fall significantly, so if you are already 35 or over and planning another child, bear in mind that it may not be so easy to get pregnant the second time around.
Your other children – How old are your other children, and how will they cope with a new baby in the house? The debate has raged for a long time over when is the best time to have a second child. Is it better to wait until your first is out of nappies or even in school, or will a smaller age gap mean that they will be closer friends? See Toddlers and new babies for more information.
Here are some of the arguments on both sides:
Small age gap
- Children will be closer in age and therefore more likely to play together as their interests and abilities will be more similar than between siblings with a large age gap. It will also be easier for you as parents to find activities which are suitable for both of them. However, closeness in age is no guarantee of closeness of spirit, and you may find that a small age gap simply brings with it more competition and rivalry.
- Some parents like the idea of having their children in quick succession so as to get the “baby stage” out of the way quickly, rather than spreading it out over years with successive children.
- Some experts believe that a gap of less than a year helps avoid issues of sibling rivalry and competition, as children of one year of age have not yet fully formed their ideas of who they are and what their status in the family is, and will therefore be more accepting of a new sibling.
- A small age gap between your children may well mean that your first child is not yet out of nappies when the second arrives.
- A gap of 18-23 months is considered by some experts to be the worst age gap, as it can leave you with a toddler who is ill-equipped to deal with the panoply of emotions which assail them on the arrival of a new sibling, resulting in tantrums and aggression towards the new arrival.
Larger age gap
- Waiting until your first child is 3 or 4 and in nursery or school can make it easier for a second-time mum to spend more quality time with a new baby.
- Some studies seem to show that children who are conceived less than 24 months after another child tend to have lower birth weights. This might indicate that a mother’s body needs a certain length of time to recover for a healthy second pregnancy.
- Older children are often (but not always!) keen to get involved with the new baby and can be a great help to second-time mums by fetching and carrying things and amusing the new arrival.
- Experts also feel that by the age of 3, first children feel secure in who they are and where they stand with mummy and daddy, and will be less jealous of a new sibling than they would have been as toddlers.
- Some parents of older first children think they will find it hard to go back to having a small baby, and dread the sleepless nights and endless nappy changes.
- A larger age gap can make it difficult for parents to find activities which are suitable for both children when they are young, although this is less of a problem in later years.
See our article on Toddlers and new babies for hints on how to explain your new arrival.
Why not start a Chat discussion with other mums about when they decided to try for another baby?
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