Child Disciplining Challanges
While it is safe to say that you’re going through the first real test of parenting, there’s no need to loose your cool. Child experts suggest the best way to handle it is through ‘positive disciplining’, which means helping your child learn valuable social and life skills without you resorting to shouting or tactics like withdrawal of privileges.
So how much ground can you concede without being too lenient and how do you strike the right balance. Here gurgle highlights some common disciplining challenges that parents face and handy hints to deal with them.
Hyperactivity and being destructive
Even at a young age, children can be very naughty and destructive. It can be difficult handling a situation, where your child just refuses to take ‘no’ for an answer or just does not seem to understand. For example, it’s not uncommon to find some children instead of enjoying their toys, deriving greater pleasure in breaking them. Identifying the triggers can help you with positive disciplining. For starters, do you pick toys appropriate for your child’s age or do you just let go at the toy store? Apart from being designed to stimulate the desired response, toys catering to a specific age group- if they’re of a reputed brand – are usually durable enough to satisfy and survive the curiosity of its little owner. So next time, you are tempted to pick up a fancy railway set, give it a second thought. Is it an elementary-level set, or is it a fancy concoction of accessories and electronics, which would be more fun ripping apart, for a curious two-year old?
Also, ask yourself, are you spending enough quality time with your child? Obviously you can’t play with your child all the time, but it is important to be involved at least for some time in his play. One reason for his destroying toys could be that he does not know of any other way to use them. Your child really needs you down on the floor with him. Playing with him will help him constructively enjoy his playtime whilst providing for some great bonding.
When dealing with your slightly older child who can understand, be firm, explain that you will not be buying him another toy if he breaks one and follow-it through. This will help him realise your views on discipline. A child understands the value of a product, if he realises that there won’t be a replacement.
Stubbornness
Certain situations almost always elicit a stubborn response from their toddler and most parents have in-built sensors that can almost accurately predict when one’s coming along. TV switch-off time, refusing to buy that soft-toy in the department store (you wouldn’t mind buying it, if you did not already have two of the same already at home) or perhaps even meal times… it’s almost as it kids love to see their parents try every trick in the book to get them in line- begging, pleading, at times even threatening and at worse bribing …in that order.How much is too much, then?
A common topic for discussion amongst mummy circles. Positive disciplining opposes conflicting styles of disciplining. Bribing your child with a chocolate just to get her to let go of the teddy bear in the store or for that matter go to nursery, may help you solve the immediate problem, but sets a wrong example for the long-term, where she’ll come to expect a bribe every time a similar situation arises.Stand your ground, when you need to, firmly but gently. In situations where possible, do meet mid-way like an extra five minutes of TV. And when those five minutes are up, follow it up by switching off the TV. It will help your child understand that you mean what you say. Remember young children don't understand time very well, so saying 'we have to leave the house in twenty minutes', or 'the TV is going off in five minutes' won't mean much to them. It's probably better to say, 'right, i'm going to switch the TV when this programme finishes, but then we're going to march upstairs for bathtime and you can choose the song we're going to sing in the bath...' I.e, give them another 'fun' option that isn't just TV off = bathtime.
Tantrums
Tantrums are a natural progression of stubbornness, when a child starts wanting his way out more often than not. If you notice your child beginning to deliberately disobey rules set by you and throws a tantrum when caught in the act, you will need to deal with the situation firmly, making your child understand the potential consequences of his actions. For young children, this can be hard to do and the only sensible course of action may well be a strict time-out. Also, when children feel they are being ignored, they may throw a tantrum simply to gain some attention. The clear solution to this kind of tantrum is to give them as little attention as possible, ignoring their behaviour and even leaving your child on his or her own, where practicable.However, it’s important to differentiate between a tantrum and frustration. A toddler who becomes frustrated with his inability to complete a puzzle and kicks the pieces across the room, screaming, needs to calmed by you patiently helping him to do what he is attempting rather than treat it as if it were a tantrum.
There is no one-size-fits-all way of dealing with tantrums, and recognising the tantrum trigger is the key to coping with it. For more on this subject you could visit our behaviour section, which houses plenty of information on dealing with tantrums- recognizing them, averting them and how to deal with them
Our handy tips for positive disciplining
• To begin with ensure that you and your spouse are on the same page. Presenting a conflicting parenting style before your child creates confusion and your child also knows that one of you is bound to give-in to his demands sooner or later. So first of all, positive disciplining demands that parents sort out their child-disciplining views first and in private, NEVER in front of your child and definitely not whilst a tantrum is in raging process.• Be a role model for your child. Difficult though it may be sometimes, never argue in front of him.
• Giving gifts and toys to ensure good behaviour is bribe that he will come to expect every time, in return for obeying you.
• If you need to shout, let him also know that it is the behaviour you are angry with not him.
• Finally, we parents do over-react at times. Work and other stress leaves us with little energy for the little ones, and after a bad or tiring day, our fuses do blow up for the smallest reason. Sometimes you need to cool-off and think carefully to avoid mistakes. So give yourself a little time responding to indiscipline.
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