Should I smack my child?
Picture the scene: no matter how many times you tell her not to, your newly mobile and very active toddler keeps trying to climb up the television – and we’re talking the 52-inch screen kind, the kind that could do serious damage if your child brings it crashing down on top of her.
At times like this, many parents will resort to smacking to get the message over that what their child is doing is naughty and to try to ensure that she thinks long and hard before she does it again. A lot of parents think of it as short sharp shock therapy, and if their own mum and dad spanked them they might reason that if it worked for them, then it’s fine to use the same method of discipline with their own child. But it is very important to think about what kind of message you might be sending your child, and about whether smacking is really you giving into your anger as opposed to guiding your child in the right direction.
Are you teaching your child to hit back?
The fact is, most parents admit to smacking their child – and most of the time it’s just a swat on the behind given at times of great duress when repeated verbal warnings haven’t worked to deter your child from bad behaviour. But no matter what the cause, smacking your child can be ineffective in the long term – and if you use it to enforce discipline, you risk teaching your child that aggression is acceptable at a time when she is too young to express her frustration verbally and is inclined to hit out, bite and kick anyway.The real irony is that you may well be trying your best to get her to ‘use her words’ even as you smack her to ensure she does as she is asked. When you smack you really are teaching your child that physical aggression is an acceptable method of resolving conflict – and it’s highly likely she will keep that in mind the next time a playmate or sibling takes the toy she wants to play with. Studies show that children who are smacked show more antisocial behaviour over time and are more likely to smack their own children or physically abuse their spouse. Children who are smacked regularly also are more likely to cheat or lie, act up at school, and bully other children. They also do less well academically.
Does smacking work?
That swat on the behind might work in the short term, but research suggests that in the long term it doesn’t. In one study, three year-olds who didn’t comply with a time-out were either smacked or placed behind a low barrier for the time out. Smacking wasn’t found to be any more effective in correcting the child’s misbehaviour than the barrier. Other research suggests that no matter how you choose to discipline your toddler, there’s an 80 percent chance of her repeating her bad behaviour that same day and a 50 percent chance of her doing it again within two hours.It’s important to keep in mind that young children often act out because they have little or no impulse control. They want and they do what they have to in order to get what they want. The point of discipline is to help teach them impulse control: to teach them to think about what they are doing. And while smacking might lead your child to comply with your wishes right then and there, it isn’t going to ensure that she controls her behaviour in the future, or when you are not there.
Something else you might want to consider is what your options are if smacking doesn’t work. In smacking you’ve already fallen back on the ultimate method of discipline – if your child is still repeating the behaviour you sought to correct what are your options? To smack her harder, or more frequently? Research has suggested that this is often the case, and that the odd smack can escalate.
Discipline without smacking
Often parents smack their children because they don’t know any other methods of discipline, and this can lead to them developing a ‘smacking mindset’ that means they are less inclined to see if other methods of discipline will work. In order to break the habit, it’s important to think about what your child is actually capable of when it comes to what you consider good behaviour. Whether your child is a boy or a girl also comes into play with what ever discipline methods you use. Your child may not be old enough to listen when you tell her not to touch something dangerous, and in these cases adequate childproofing can be a great way of removing the temptation to put herself at risk by touching things she shouldn’t.It’s also vital that you never discipline your child when you’re angry yourself. This may prevent you from acting rationally and if you spank your child under these circumstances you won’t be doing it to deter bad behaviour – you’ll be doing it to work off your anger. Taking a time out is essential – and more often than not, once you have calmed down you will be able to come up with a more appropriate method of discipline that doesn’t actually involves smacking at all. So, think before you smack – put your child somewhere safe and put yourself in time out so you can work out a more productive method of steering your child towards good behaviour.
The information in this feature is intended for educational purposes only. If you have any concerns about your health, the health of your child or the health of someone you know, please consult with a doctor or other healthcare professional.
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Mothercare
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