The naughty step
What is the naughty step?
The naughty step is a method of discipline that many parents use when their child has behaved badly. The idea is that if a child is naughty, she will be sent to the naughty step by her parent (s) and asked to remain there for a minute for every year of her life. In theory, she is meant to use this time to reflect about her behaviour and - if it works - learn not to behave in this way again. It is in essence a 'time-out' period for both parent and child.While the use of the naughty step has become increasingly popular, does it work for everyone? And is it an ideal way to discipline your child or are there other, preferable, ways to teach your child right from wrong? We asked several of our gurgle experts what they thought about the naughty step, and were very interested to hear what they had to say...
Liz Costagliola, health visitor:
Liz shared her views on the naughty step with gurgle. She told us that 'The naughty step has its place in parenting but this is usually saved for behaviour which could damage property or hurt other people. We recommend ignoring bad behaviour and praising as much as possible when a child is behaving well or playing nicely. Take every opportunity to praise, as this is the key to encouraging good behaviour. Children love attention even if it is negative attention and this is why we recommend ignoring the bad behaviour. Never tell a child that they are naughty, it is important to tell children it is the behaviour that is naughty and not them.'
If you do decide to use the naughty step, Liz has the following advice:
'We recommend a minute for every year of a child's life. So if your child is 2, keep her on the step for 2 minutes. It may not seem very long, but for a toddler it will seem quite a while. If she is still crying after the 2 minutes calm her down and bring her back into the room. If she repeats the behaviour that you put her on the step for, then put her back on the step for another 2 minutes. If you are consistent she will learn that you mean what you say and eventually you will only have to threaten her with the naughty step and she will stop the behaviour. Try to praise her as much as possible, so when she is playing nicely or shares her toys praise her and give her lots of attention. Children love attention, even negative attention so as much as possible ignore bad behaviour and give praise when she then behaves well. Some behaviour you can't ignore though - for example if she is hurting another child.'
Eileen Hayes, parenting expert:
Eileen told gurgle that the idea of the naughty step is not a new one, but it's actually the same as the time-out concept that has been around for years. She also thinks that although the naughty step is commonly used nowadays, it can have negative effects as if children are constantly being told that they are naughty they will think 'What's the point in trying to be good?' and will thus play up to their naughty role.
Furthermore, Eileen points out, independence is a part of growing up and it's only natural for children to play up - this doesn't necessarily mean they are being naughty. Also, Eileen notes that in many cases the naughty step isn't even effective - some parents find that their children become very upset, other children think it's just a game and some little ones simply won't stay on the naughty step!
Overall, Eileen favours positive discipline as she says that children should be taught how to behave, rather than how not to behave. If the naughty step is to be used, Eileen suggests that 'they should be seen as a short break, usually suggested as one minute per year of age, for the child to cool off, not as a punishment.' Indeed, Eileen goes so far as to say that the naughty step should be used as 'an absolute last resort.'
If you want to avoid using the naughty step to discipline your child, why not use one of these methods that Eileen suggests?
- Praise positive behaviour
- Set a few clear and fair boundaries
- Be firm, but also listen to your child
- Set a good example
- Show your child you care with positive comments and lots of affection
- Use a reward system as these are also a positive way of encouraging good behaviour
Thirza Ashelford, childcare expert
Thirza doesn't regard the naughty step as a good form of disciplining a child. She told gurgle:
'Although this has become a very fashionable addition to behaviour management, I would question its effectiveness in teaching children the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behaviour. When you hear parents say that their child spends all their time on the naughty step, shouldn't we wonder just how much the children are getting out of the experience?'
According to Thirza 'There are certainly times when a child needs a period of time away from a situation that they are finding stressful but this is where they need an understanding adult to help them find coping strategies rather than simply being told to sit on a step and reflect! In this case I am talking about older children and not children aged 18 months or even 12 months! Once a child reaches the age of about seven years they become better equipped to understand the difference between right and wrong but until then the child needs far more concrete support in understanding what is acceptable and what is not.'
Thirza also suggests that by putting your child on the naughty step you are thus labelling him as naughty, whereas it should be clear that it is merely his behaviour that is naughty. The danger with labelling a child is - according to Thirza - that 'once labelled, children will very often live up to expectations. If, however, we stress that it is the behaviour that is unacceptable we can lose that as soon as the behaviour stops, leaving the child nothing to live up to!'
Instead of using the naughty step, Thirza has some other options you could try:
'In the place of the naughty step I would always try to ensure that unacceptable behaviour is dealt with swiftly and replaced with behaviour that is acceptable. So if a child is throwing food around at a meal time the food is taken away. After a minute or so the child is asked if he or she would like the food back so they can eat it. If they say yes then they are told that is fine, if they eat it properly they can have it back but if they play with it it is going away and there won't be any more until the next meal. No fuss, no anger - just straight, plain choice. The difficult bit is carrying that out. The next time the child sits and eats in a way the family approve of then loads of praise should be given, but if food is played with again the same routine must be followed. If the child does not want their food back then this is fine - they have finished their meal!'
Thirza concludes that 'The naughty step is over-used and is a cop out for busy parents. Its use can also be quite indiscriminate - parents use the same sanction whether the poor behaviour is minor or major - children do not learn the difference between right and wrong or the severity of their misdemeanour. In over 35 years of working with children (and two of my own) I have never found the need to use it.'
Whether or not you decide to use the naughty step is very much a personal choice; whatever you decide, we hope that you have found the views of our gurgle experts helpful and insightful.
For more information about how to head-off a tantrum, cope with difficult behaviour or get your toddler to co-operate why not check out gurgle's Behaviour section? Remember that you can also chat to other gurgle mums in our chat forum.
The information in this feature is intended for educational purposes only. If you have any concerns about your health, the health of your child or the health of someone you know, please consult with a doctor or other healthcare professional.
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