Romance and children: is it possible?
So until recently where every anniversary, birthday and special day seemed the perfect excuse to celebrate your togetherness and rekindle the romance, which in all probability ended in a steamy rendezvous before the fireplace, the world’s greatest lovers now find it difficult to emote, let alone turn on the passion.
However, there’s no denying that sense of déjà vu every time romance is in the air. For example, watching your friends make the most of Valentine’s Day and then having to hear them rave about the simply perfect day that it was, can make you cringe with envy or even make their happiness seem annoyingly frivolous at times.
Which brings us back to where we started, is there romance after parenthood? Well it is true that romance does take some hit once the babies arrive, what with the physical and emotional toll of childbirth. But there are reasons to believe that the romance quotient dips, dives, plateaus and at worse turns dormant even when there are no children issues to worry about.
One of the reasons cited is that its quite likely that the longer you’ve been in your relationship, the higher are the chances that at some point, one or both of you begin to slacken and take things as they come rather than make things happen.
If there’s a baby now, there may have been other considerations earlier. But the freshness of the relationship then motivated you to plan and make your special time together extra special. Also highly likely now that you’ve virtually become second skin to each other, (and no offence to dads reading this), the football season, world news or more likely channel surfing may seem the ultimate remote-control to your man’s idea of a great evening.
So, to lay the blame entirely on children would be unfair. Factors like career, stress, exhaustion, depression, family difficulties and lack of time can also take a toll on the romance and chemistry of a relationship.
With other culprits emerging, suddenly children seem the least threatening to romance. If anything, the pure, unbridled joy that they bring is reason enough for you and your partner to celebrate your relationship, err ….romance!
Here are some handy hints to scale up your romance-meter.
• From very early-on try to map up a fixed bedtime routine for your children. While the routine, needn’t dominate your life, try sticking to it as much as possible. Once the kids are in bed, the possibilities are immense as are the opportunities. Candle-light dinner in the living room, soft music, romance in the air and more. All this without even having to step out of the house.
• Romance needn’t be a mushy affair every time, you can spice it up too. Flirting can be a great turn-on. So assign codes to a couple of names in advance. For example a special name which tells him you are hoping to hit it big at night. Don’t be too surprised if you find your partner more than willing to give you a helping hand with the chores, just so that you wind up early and continue with the plan.
• You don’t have to be Wordsworth to express your love. Just google for some romantic quotes, text message them or drop hand written notes (kissed in lipstick and sprayed with perfume) into his pocket, or leave them where he can see them and voila, watch that smirk on his face. There’s bound be to a gift waiting for you.
• Share your intimate feelings, your aspirations, your desires with your partner more often. Beware not to nag. Switch off the TV sometimes and enjoy some great evenings just talking to each other. Sometimes men are a lot more considerate then we give them credit for.
• Sex is important. At the same time, in the immediate period after childbirth, when you are most vulnerable, sex may be the last thing on your mind. Touch - back rubs, cuddling, caressing, and holding hands - can be a wonderful way to keep the romance alive until you are physically ready for intercourse and even otherwise. Intimacy without intercourse is a wonderfully romantic experience
• Find a good reliable baby sitter or persuade the grandparents to bail you out and hit your favourite night spots every once in a while, just like in the good’ol days
• There’s a lot to be enjoyed doing things together just like when the kids were only an idea. Relaxing massage packages for two, a swim or game of golf, whatever it is that gives the two of you time together in each other’s company.
• And finally, bring in the kids. Enjoy some late morning lie-ins on weekends, with plenty of cuddles, tickles and giggles. It may not be your conventional idea of romance, but it’s a great bonding experience for the whole family.
Of course, it won’t be as easy as earlier, but all these suggestions are very do-able and fun too! You could try these for starters and as you build on it, share your experiences with other gurgle mums too on our chat forum!
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Mothercare
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