Three ways having a baby will affect your relationship

From the moment they discover they’re pregnant, most couples start preparing for the arrival of their new baby. A nursery is lovingly decorated, a library of books are bought and read. There’s nothing most couples won’t know about their new born. But what no one can prepare for is how the new arrival will affect your relationship.

When your household grows from two to three, your relationship with your partner is bound to change. Here are some key ways having a baby might affect your relationship:

1.   Tiredness
At first, your new born may only sleep for a few hours at a time, and when your precious new baby is up, you're up. The resulting sleep deprivation can make you both irritable and turn tasks like household chores and errands into ordeals because you have less energy and can't concentrate. You'll also have less time for work, for yourself, and for your partner. Where you once enjoyed movie nights and long conversations, now you’ll talk about whose turn it is to get up for the night feed.

Make sure you take time away from your baby every once in a while to focus on your relationship. Occasional date nights will strengthen your relationship, and if you can’t bear to leave your baby, why not ask a willing grandparent to come over and watch the baby whilst you simply relax together in front of the TV.

2.   Body confidence
Becoming pregnant saw your body change dramatically, and now you’ve had your baby you’re watching it change again. It’s normal to carry a little extra weight. This teamed with dark circles from sleepless nights and scruffy hair (because most new mums don’t have time to visit the hairdressers!) can make a woman feel self-conscious and less attractive to her partner. Some new mums also find it difficult to reconcile the image of a mother with that of a sexual woman, so they may be less interested in intimacy.

Communication is key in this situation. Let your partner know how you’re feeling and why. That way you can work through your issues together, and he will feel reassured that you aren’t rejecting his advances because you’re feelings for him have changed. It’s important to remember that this is a very sensitive time for your partner too.

3.   Who’s holding the baby right?
When you have a new baby you’ll suddenly find that extended family and friends have plenty of child rearing advice they want to share with you. Family members may drop by unexpectedly or schedule regular visits to see your baby: and most new grandparents won’t be able to keep away! This is great, and shows you have a supportive family, but so many different child rearing techniques being suggested is bound to cause rows. You may even hear that dreaded mother-in-law cliché: “you’re not holding the baby right.”

Make sure you and your partner are reading from the same page. If you can present a united front when your parenting style is criticised it will make you both feel more confident that you’ve chosen the right technique, and ensure that your standing strong together.

How did your relationship change when you’re little one came along? Do you have any tips and advice to share?

Last Modified: 03/02/2011

your relationship. a baby they re pregnant new arrival sleep deprivation body change

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Comments

By sharlill 10 months ago

Hi ladies, I am suffering from both tiredness and lacking body confidence, gained weight, stretch marks, no time to make myself look good as I would always do before baby came. I quit smoking when I became pregnant and now I am fighting to stay off the cigs! With my partner I do not feel much, I dont talk to him, spend time with him, suddenly had thoughts I would be better on my own. It is so sudden though and I hate feeling this way. He is a great Dad and we are loving being parents! I just wondered if anyone else had these feeling.

By proudmummyxx 1 years ago

it was two out of three for us. Tiredness & Friends and relatives (+ neighbours). When Katie was two days old, our "well wishing" neighbour came round to see her. I was in the kitchen preparing the bottle, when she comes in & asks what is it tht i'm doing.I explained i sterilised the bottles & now was preparing the feed.what does she do?? Takes the bottle off me & starts to show me how to "properly" sterilise bottles, by boiling it in the saucepan!!!! what the heck?? I stood in my own kitchen in disbelief,being taught by a neighbour who we merely say hello to, how to sterilise bottles! hmm..something aint right here

i would of chucked her out!!! lol you didnt ask for her adivce the cheeky mare lol x

By proudmummyxx 1 years ago

I would say my family is complete now and with another addition it is a bonus of course im going to be tired when shes here but im very organsied and will have my mum staying with us to help us out if were needing a hand which is good and my body confidence i have to say its gone up! ive had no strench marks with this pregnancy and im more than happy to take my bra off and stand naked lol which before i would never ever do that lol and for as holding the baby right as long as the head is supported and shes not upside down then your not holding her wrong lol i wouldnt let any1 judge me i couldnt see myself being judged to be honest and even if i do they can shove it up there own a**s because i wont be intrested lol x

By proudmummyxx 1 years ago

By mummy1792 1 years ago

we got 2 out of three, my confidence in myself and my body is now non exsistant, i hate my body now and often feel that my OH dosent find me as attractive as he did before i got pregnant, and tiredness but that was to be expected but i have snapped at alot of people when i havent meant to but as for "your not holding the baby right" well my MIL would never say that to me nor would anyone else because i was snap back that they have no right to judge my parenting skills xx

By girllovesboy 1 years ago

Just the tiredness for us. I'm not bothered about my body as Adams happy with me how I am and it's my second section so will take a while for everything to get back to normal. And as it our second child no one really says anything about how we hold her. Just the madam sleeps fine in the day and is up all night so she better change her body clock lol xx

By GummyGrin 1 years ago

Had tiredness... but you obviously expect that with babies!
After my first 2 I wasnt that bothered about my body, went back to normal, but after having the triplets I am considering a tummy tuck. That is the only bit Im not 'confident' about - but can easily be hidden :)
We didnt get 'your not holding it right', but with all my girls they have premature and been in special care for a while, and were obviously open to any infections or whatever. There was always a very strict hand washing procedure before going into their room, yet OH's parents (esp MIL) decided that the only way of getting stronger is to let them be open to everything and getting their immune system used to it... yeah.., lets just wait til they can breathe on their own first!