Find the right sleep strategy – for you and your baby
Do you long for a time when you can pop your baby in her cot knowing that she’ll happily drift off without a murmur? Or do you look forward to snuggling up and keeping your baby company as she goes to sleep? Baby sleep patterns tend to vary in the first few months, but whatever your approach, once your baby is over six months of age she should be physically capable of going for 10-12 hours overnight. So try one of these settling solutions to help your baby – and you! – get a full night’s sleep.
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If you can’t bear to leave her crying, try Pick-up, Put-down
Perfected by Baby Whisperer Tracy Hogg, this is aimed at helping your baby learn to settle herself without leaving her to cry it out. It’s the gentlest way to teach your baby to fall asleep by herself, and you won’t have to suffer through hearing her cry.?Step 1
Watch for your baby’s sleep signs: yawning, eye-rubbing and general crankiness. ?Step 2
Put her in her cot drowsy but awake.?Step 3
If she cries go to her, pick her up and comfort her with a ‘shhhh’ sound until she stops crying – then lay her down again.?Step 4
Continue with picking her up if she gets upset. Eventually she’ll learn that she’s going to be put down again, not rocked to sleep, and will learn to fall asleep by herself. The bonus of the ‘shhh’ sound is that she’ll begin to associate it with sleep so if she rouses the sound alone should help her settle.?to have problems settling.If you can tough out the tears, try Controlled Crying
Conceived by American sleep guru Richard Ferber, controlled crying involves leaving your baby to cry for progressively longer periods of time until she self-settles. It’s probably the fastest method of sleep-training your child if it is done properly but you have to be prepared to stick it out because if you give in a go back in to your baby to comfort her, you’re back at square one. It’s probably best to try other methods before you resort to controlled crying, since it takes a lot of willpower to stand hearing your baby crying while every instinct is telling you to go and comfort her. While there’s no doubt this technique has worked for many parents, many health professionals feel it may be emotionally harmful to leave your baby to cry for any length of time.?Step 1
Put your baby in her cot awake, say goodnight and leave the room.?Step 2
If she cries, wait five minutes before going into her. Stay with her for a few minutes to reassure her, then lay her down again, say goodnight and leave the room.?Step 3
If she’s still crying after five more minutes go back in a repeat the procedure. This time, wait for 10 minutes before going back in to her and extend the time between visits by two minutes until she eventually falls asleep.??If you want a compromise, try Controlled Comforting
This compromise takes the sting out of controlled crying and it really is the middle ground between feeling you have to pick up your baby at the slightest squeak and leaving her to cry for long periods. However, it can potentially take a long time to work on any given evening and it may be several weeks before your baby learns to settle quickly by herself. You’ll have to spend time doing it in the middle of the night, when you might be too tired to accurately time each stage, and with with the feed and cuddle after an hour, the risk is that you’re rewarding the behaviour you don’t want to continue.?Step 1
Put your baby in her cot awake and leave the room. Wait outside for two minutes to see if she settles.?Step 2
If she doesn’t settle, go back in and lie her on her side, facing away from you (don’t panic: you won’t be leaving her to sleep this way). Sit beside the cot and when she starts to cry, place one hand on her shoulder and use the other to gently pat her bottom, saying, ‘it’s time to sleep’. If she stops crying, stop patting – the aim is to get her to settle herself and not rely on the patting to help her. ?Step 3
If, after two minutes, your baby hasn’t gone to sleep, leave the room and wait outside for four minutes. If she doesn’t settle, go back in and repeat the process, this time for four minutes. ?Step 4
Keep extending the time you spend comforting your baby and leaving her to try to settle by two minutes each time. If she falls asleep, gently roll her on to her back – never leave her on her side once she settles, as this is a cot-death risk. If she doesn’t settle within an hour, then offer her a feed and a cuddle – then start over until she falls asleep.?If you want her to know you’re close by, try Gradual Withdrawal
Many parents find this method easier, because you don’t have to watch the clock. It works by gradually reducing the contact between you and your baby, form placing a hand on her to not touching her at all and moving further away.Nights 1, 2, 3
Cuddle your baby until she’s asleep, then lay her in her cot. Wait 10 minutes until you’re sure she’s away, then leave.?Nights 4, 5, 6
Cuddle your baby while she’s lying in her cot, again until she goes to sleep. Wait 10 minutes before leaving, as before.?Nights 7, 8, 9
Lay her in her cot and pat her shoulder or bottom until she settles. Wait 10 minutes before leaving.?Nights 10,11, 12 Lay her in her cot and stroke her shoulder or bottom until she’s asleep. Wait 10 minutes to make sure before leaving so that you don’t disturb her.?
Making sleep easier for your newborn
Believe it or not, your new baby does actually sleep – but unfortunately, she doesn’t do it in one long session like you. Instead, she goes for as long as her stomach will take her and as soon as she feels peckish she wakes for a feed. Don’t even think about sleep training her before she’s six months old, because she simply doesn’t have the ability to sleep for long periods. But you can take steps to get her into good sleep habits by teaching her a bedtime routine that emphasizes the difference between night and day… ?- Signpost bedtime by sticking to the same pattern of bath, feed and story/lullaby. Although it’s traditional to feed your baby just before putting her down in her cot, this can result in her learning to associate feeding with going to sleep, so time it earlier. This way, if she wakes between feeds she’s more likely to settle down without needing an extra feed to help her.?
- Always have her sleep in her cot – she needs to associate it with sleep so she’ll know what bedtime means.?
- Keep night feeds boring. Dim the lights, try to avoid eye-contact and only change her nappy if it’s heavily soiled.??
Do you have to sleep train your baby?
No you don’t – if you want to, you can ignore all the relatives, friends and health professionals who tell you a sleep routine is essential if your child is ever going to learn to sleep through because she will learn to do it eventually anyway.You could decide to look at it this way: babies aren’t meant to be independent. They don’t stop feeling hungry or distressed just because it’s 2am and you’re asleep. They can’t survive without you – yet they’re expected to go without your comfort for 10-12 hour stretches overnight. Health professionals may well tell you your baby needs uninterrupted sleep to develop properly but very young babies have to wake frequently to feed – and it doesn’t seem to hinder their progress in any way, shape or form. Attachment parenting gurus point out that babies can only express their needs by crying and if you don’t go to them they will feel abandoned. And crying is no small effort: it can raise a baby’s heartbeat to over 200 beats per minute and affect his oxygen levels.
If getting up and rocking your baby to sleep when she wakes isn’t a problem for you, then keep doing it. If she’s happy to drift off with you lying beside her and you can think of nothing better than watching her peaceful face, then keep doing it. You’re not spoiling her – you’re teaching her that when she needs you you’ll be there for her. And that’s what being a parent is all about!
The information in this feature is intended for educational purposes only. If you have any concerns about your health, the health of your child or the health of someone you know, please consult with a doctor or other healthcare professional.
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