Although previously you may have been an ambitious career woman, your number one priority will now be the little person who loves you – and whom you love – unconditionally.Many mums, however –whether it’s six months or five years down the line - will return to work, either through choice or through necessity. Others will opt to stay at home and be a full-time mum.

I was a stay-at-home mum until my daughter was four and since then I have worked full time for gurgle, as editorial assistant. Having been on both sides of the coin, I can give my honest opinion about the advantages and disadvantages of being both a stay-at-home and a working mum:

Benefits of being a stay-at-home mum:

*The main advantage is obviously that you can spend quality time with your children. You can spend the early days establishing a routine and really getting to know your little one. Once your child reaches nursery age, you can take him to nursery or pre-school and pick him up at the end of the day – something that working mums miss out on.

*You won’t feel the inevitable guilt that plagues so many working mums, who worry  that they are not seeing enough of their children.

*You will feel a sense of pride that you – and no one else – is bringing up your child and are responsible for the person who he or she will turn out to be. You are the one to praise your children when they are good and discipline them when they reach the terrible twos!

*The more time you spend with your child, the easier you may find it to bond with him.

*You will be there to witness those all-important milestones, from your child's wobbly first steps to his first word. As a working mum, there is a higher chance that you will miss out on these special events.

Disadvantages of being a stay-at-home mum:

*Some stay-at-home mums feel unfulfilled, and crave adult conversation and mental stimulation.

*Mums who don’t work also occasionally feel as if they are being looked down upon or as if their job of being a full-time mum isn’t recognised as worthy or credible.

*Although stay-at-home mums won’t feel the guilt of being apart from their children, they might feel guilty at not bringing in their own income.

*Some stay-at-home mums find that they lose their sense of identity; whereas before having children they might have been quite ambitious and career-driven, they may now view themselves solely as a mother.

*It can be a bit lonely being a stay-at-home, so it's important to make new mummy friends, whom you can meet up with on a regular basis. You can meet these friends at playgroups, toddler drop-in coffee mornings or even at the playground. It can be a bit scary putting yourself out there at first, but it's important to build up a network of friends to ensure you never feel isolated.

Pros of being a working mum:

*Some working mums would argue that they are setting a good example to their children, because they feel that they are encouraging them to go out and earn a living once they themselves become parents.

*Working mums often feel a certain sense of satisfaction at being able to ‘do it all’ – go out and work and also be a Mummy.

*Some working mums comment that they benefit from having ‘me time’ and that working helps them to rediscover a sense of identity; they aren’t just ‘Jack’s Mummy’, but Jill the teacher or Sarah the editor.

*Working mums also might gain satisfaction from being able to provide for their children from their own income. Being able to contribute financially to family life can also have a positive impact on your relationship with your husband or partner; the fact that you are both breadwinners can help you to feel equal.

*As a working mum, the time you have with your child is precious and you’re likely to really make the most of your weekends – you may appreciate your time with your little one even more so than if you were with him all day, every day.

Cons of being a working mum:

*As mentioned before, working mums more often than not feel great pangs of guilt at the time they spend away from their children. I can vouch for this! Although I love my job, I really miss my daughter and wish I could be there to take her to school and pick her up every day. If you do work full-time, you could check with your boss whether there's a possibility of working from home for one or more days; that way you can do the school pick-up on these days. I have one day working from home, and when I pick my daughter up from school her face really lights up! Trust me, it makes all the difference.

*If you're out at work all day, there's a chance you may miss out on important milestones, such as the first time your baby crawls or says his first word.

*You have to put up with the fact that your child may sometimes ask for his nanny or even call you by the nanny’s name – a real heart-wrencher!

*Your child will also often lay guilt trips on you, so you have to be prepared for this: ‘Why do you have to work, Mummy?’ – (‘To keep you in chocolate buttons!’) or ‘I wish you could pick me up from school.’

*You often feel that you haven’t quite got the balance right and that you’re always spreading yourself a bit too thinly. This is increasingly likely if you are working full-time, rather than part-time. At the end of a long day at work, when you’ve put the kids to bed and are sitting down for a quick bite with your hubby before collapsing into bed, you may feel as if you haven’t had time fully to dedicate yourself to either your job or your child.

*Some working mums keep their children up a bit later at night than they would otherwise -I'm guilty of this! - so that they can spend time with them after work. The problem with this is that your child is more likely to be tired and grumpy, which can then lead to you being a bit snappy and irritable.

Don't beat yourself up!

At the end of the day, it's a completely personal decision as to whether you decide to stay at home or return to work (and your decision will often be based on factors such as whether you can afford not to work). The important thing is that both you and your little one are happy; you should never be made to feel guilty if you do work, or belittled if you don't! Ultimately, we are all our harshest critics and we mums should give ourselves a break. No-one's perfect and there's no 'ideal' situation; it's simply a case of working out what's right for you and your family.

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If you'd like to chat to other mums about whether they decided to stay at home or return to work, why not talk to them in the Work area of our chat forum? Or you could create your own group about your experiences of being either a working mum or a stay-at-home mum.

Last Modified: 11/05/2010