This baby is the reason that i'm crackin down on this so much! until a few years ago i was a drug user, all the so called recreational stuff! i lost everythings i had because of it and the worst thing of all is that i lost my two girls because of it!! I got so bad that i went from being an Anthea Turner house wife and mother to some one i didnt't even recognise, a discusting person that i cant even bear to think about now! My kids now live with their dad and although i havent touched n e thing for 2.5 years and never intend on doing drugs again, they want nothign to do with me because of the broken promises i made when i was that person.
before i got pregnant with this child i was drinkin almost as heavily as my husband, although we wanted kids i never thougth it was gonna happen, i thought i'd blown my chances by doing drugs. It wasn't until i got pregnant and stopped drinkin and smoking that i realised how bad this problem was. I am so grateful for another chance to be a mum again, i have no intention of screwing this up!
My husband knows my past and my reasoning which would make it so much worse if he didnt give up the booze! I trust that he's gonna give it his all btu trust in him is gonna take a little time.
This child will either have two sober parents or i will be bringing it up alone!
my mum is a recovering alcoholic. hasn't touched a drop for nearly 19 years. those years when she was drinking her weight in booze were the scariest ever. everyone had turned their backs on her, our dad ran off with some slapper. me and my sister only had each other, and our pissed mum ofcourse. we lived on whatever my sister could reach in the cupboards and fridge and kat bathed in cold water (mum told her to never use the hot tap) and changed my nappies. (she was 4 I was 1) worst thing is I almost went the same way as my mum started drinking 4 days after my daughter's birth got totally ratted. totally ashamed when her dad found me trying to breastfeed her. knew I had to face up to stuff. cut down the booze- hardly drink now- and got put on PND medication. anyway sorry for yammering, what I want to say is stand your ground, I know it's hard. even when they give up the booze lot of the personality traits of an addict are still there lingering: guilt trips, compulsiveness, quick temper etc. hope everything goes well for you. x x
After all his empty promises his latest defence is to turn it all around on me! I'm a nag, He's sick of me telling him that he has to give up drinking! A week ago we had words after he had a pint when he said he would stop. Knowing a bit about addiction i realised that until he see's his drinking as a problem i'm banging my head against a brick wall. So i told him that he was in charge of his own drinking but if it got out of hand again he would have to get some help or move out
Here we are 6 days later and not 1 day has passed where he hasn't drank at least 4 cans of strongbow, He's been drunk 4 of those 6 days... But according to him he hasn't got a problem despite promising to cut down.
Any ways looks like i'm going to be a lone parent, i've told him that he has to find a place in the new year. I can't keep making excuses for him and hoping that he'll get better.
Why do i feel like the failure?
this absolutly is not your fault hun.You are trying your best here and deserve abit of credit yourself for what you've been through.Do you know something? You are going to be a dam good mom whether you'll be on your own or with him but i think you and your baby would be better off without him (I'm really sorry if i've hurt your feelings or upset you in any way).Please add me if you wanna chat,i actually know quite alot about addiction myself as i was brought up in that environment,It certainly doesn't make me an expert but atleast you could moan, bitch or be happy in confidence.I really do hope you find some peace in this
xx
After all his empty promises his latest defence is to turn it all around on me! I'm a nag, He's sick of me telling him that he has to give up drinking! A week ago we had words after he had a pint when he said he would stop. Knowing a bit about addiction i realised that until he see's his drinking as a problem i'm banging my head against a brick wall. So i told him that he was in charge of his own drinking but if it got out of hand again he would have to get some help or move out
Here we are 6 days later and not 1 day has passed where he hasn't drank at least 4 cans of strongbow, He's been drunk 4 of those 6 days... But according to him he hasn't got a problem despite promising to cut down.
Any ways looks like i'm going to be a lone parent, i've told him that he has to find a place in the new year. I can't keep making excuses for him and hoping that he'll get better.
Why do i feel like the failure?
My children have never met my husband, we've been together 3 years and my children and i have not been in contact for quite a bit longer than that!
Thankfully i no longer battle with addiction to drugs. I left that behind long before i got into another relationship. Because of my past i am training to become a substance misuse counsellor and it's because of this i am able to bring my husbands problem to is attention.
He does get involved with the pragnancy, he comes to most of my antenatal appointments when he's not working and talks to the baby in the womb! although he does have to brush up on his story telling skills! I know he is scared of becoming a dad, His own dad was, to put it politely a but if a hustler and his mums other relationships weren't exactly well thought out. so his experiance of fatherhood was very distorted!
We went to his first AA meeting last night and although he could see similarities woth other members i think it scared him. He's made a huge step but is still not ready to admit his addiction. He's been sober over a week now and even managed a poker night without drinking, he came home at 3am and couldnt sleep bacause of all the tea and coffe he drank! He actually said how much better it was that he was able to stay awake as opposed to falling asleep after one game.
This is the furthest we have got towards recovery and i'm really hoping that he will be encouraged by his improvement and carry on! we can actually sleep in teh same bed because his snoring has stopped, he's not smoking so much and he seems to be more relaxed!
He's still not to happy about having to do this but i think he's made a lot of progress so far!
I dont feel that you rae against me at all vutton. if i wasnt able to get advice and have a rant here from time to time i think i would have cracked up by now. you've been so very supportive.
ithink that all people are different and cope with addictions differently. has he had any health problems? all i can comment on is my experiences with alcohol and because of that i never drink. if you can help him them that is brilliant but please just keep an open mind. i think as well to try and keep his mind off drinking, so go out together and if he feels that he can tell you when he needs a drink then you caould divert him from that. its a brilliant step going to AA, and although hes not ready to adm,it to you he has a problem subconsiencely he knows. please keep in contact with me and let me know how thing are going, add me as a friend if you like xxx
Hi Daffydil77,
A previous boyfriend of mine was a gambler. I didn't know the full extent for months after we got together. It seemed everytime we visited his mother I would find out a bit more of how deep this problem actually went. A counsellor once told his mother that 'he might have to hit rock bottom before he made the decision to stop, even if that meant being left homeless with nothing' but, she wouldn't let that happen. As a result, he continues to this day to take money from her (and anyone else who's stupid enough to give it too him), telling dispicable lies to her to get money, he's 32 with no girlfriend/kids and I think a drink problem to boot. They don't call it tough love for nothing!
It sounds like your husband has started to make some progress. Just make sure he is doing it because he sees that he needs to, not just to stop you going on at him.
You said before that you were worried about not being able to drink again. Neither myself or my partner drink anymore and we find plenty to do and we have more money to do it as we're not spending £3 a drink in the pub!!! There's nothing to say that you can't drink on a night out with the girls. Good luck x
hi again i feel really strongly about you because as i said before ino a few people with alcohol problems. you say that your other daughters dont want to know you now, could that be anything to do with the man your with now too? how old are yor children? think of it from their point of view you have sorted yourself out kicked all of the habits you had (which i think is brilliant considering how hard it is)
now they are watching you try to fix another persons problems while you are probably still batteling your own. someone else mentioned that maybe it hasnt sunk into him yet about you having a baby, ino my bf didnt take much notice until my little was born.
you cant fix someone unless they want to be fixed thats what ive seen in my experience even when children are involved. do you want your children to see this behaviour. my step daughter was taken away from her mum at 3 and now at 5 we are still struggling through wiuth her day by day, bed wetting nighmares etc and sometimes i get angry at my partner at why he let her live through that.
ino some people have said help him through and i do agree but you have a baby to look after and in my book that is more important that helping someone who maybe doesnt want to be helped.
please dont feel im against you as i am not i have just seen this happening and i feel so strongly that if a parenet mum or dad cant pull themselves together for their children then the kids are better off without them xxxx
good luck to you in what you decide to do xx
My children have never met my husband, we've been together 3 years and my children and i have not been in contact for quite a bit longer than that!
Thankfully i no longer battle with addiction to drugs. I left that behind long before i got into another relationship. Because of my past i am training to become a substance misuse counsellor and it's because of this i am able to bring my husbands problem to is attention.
He does get involved with the pragnancy, he comes to most of my antenatal appointments when he's not working and talks to the baby in the womb! although he does have to brush up on his story telling skills! I know he is scared of becoming a dad, His own dad was, to put it politely a but if a hustler and his mums other relationships weren't exactly well thought out. so his experiance of fatherhood was very distorted!
We went to his first AA meeting last night and although he could see similarities woth other members i think it scared him. He's made a huge step but is still not ready to admit his addiction. He's been sober over a week now and even managed a poker night without drinking, he came home at 3am and couldnt sleep bacause of all the tea and coffe he drank! He actually said how much better it was that he was able to stay awake as opposed to falling asleep after one game.
This is the furthest we have got towards recovery and i'm really hoping that he will be encouraged by his improvement and carry on! we can actually sleep in teh same bed because his snoring has stopped, he's not smoking so much and he seems to be more relaxed!
He's still not to happy about having to do this but i think he's made a lot of progress so far!
I dont feel that you rae against me at all vutton. if i wasnt able to get advice and have a rant here from time to time i think i would have cracked up by now. you've been so very supportive.
This baby is the reason that i'm crackin down on this so much! until a few years ago i was a drug user, all the so called recreational stuff! i lost everythings i had because of it and the worst thing of all is that i lost my two girls because of it!! I got so bad that i went from being an Anthea Turner house wife and mother to some one i didnt't even recognise, a discusting person that i cant even bear to think about now! My kids now live with their dad and although i havent touched n e thing for 2.5 years and never intend on doing drugs again, they want nothign to do with me because of the broken promises i made when i was that person.
before i got pregnant with this child i was drinkin almost as heavily as my husband, although we wanted kids i never thougth it was gonna happen, i thought i'd blown my chances by doing drugs. It wasn't until i got pregnant and stopped drinkin and smoking that i realised how bad this problem was. I am so grateful for another chance to be a mum again, i have no intention of screwing this up!
My husband knows my past and my reasoning which would make it so much worse if he didnt give up the booze! I trust that he's gonna give it his all btu trust in him is gonna take a little time.
This child will either have two sober parents or i will be bringing it up alone!
hi again i feel really strongly about you because as i said before ino a few people with alcohol problems. you say that your other daughters dont want to know you now, could that be anything to do with the man your with now too? how old are yor children? think of it from their point of view you have sorted yourself out kicked all of the habits you had (which i think is brilliant considering how hard it is)
now they are watching you try to fix another persons problems while you are probably still batteling your own. someone else mentioned that maybe it hasnt sunk into him yet about you having a baby, ino my bf didnt take much notice until my little was born.
you cant fix someone unless they want to be fixed thats what ive seen in my experience even when children are involved. do you want your children to see this behaviour. my step daughter was taken away from her mum at 3 and now at 5 we are still struggling through wiuth her day by day, bed wetting nighmares etc and sometimes i get angry at my partner at why he let her live through that.
ino some people have said help him through and i do agree but you have a baby to look after and in my book that is more important that helping someone who maybe doesnt want to be helped.
please dont feel im against you as i am not i have just seen this happening and i feel so strongly that if a parenet mum or dad cant pull themselves together for their children then the kids are better off without them xxxx
good luck to you in what you decide to do xx
This baby is the reason that i'm crackin down on this so much! until a few years ago i was a drug user, all the so called recreational stuff! i lost everythings i had because of it and the worst thing of all is that i lost my two girls because of it!! I got so bad that i went from being an Anthea Turner house wife and mother to some one i didnt't even recognise, a discusting person that i cant even bear to think about now! My kids now live with their dad and although i havent touched n e thing for 2.5 years and never intend on doing drugs again, they want nothign to do with me because of the broken promises i made when i was that person.
before i got pregnant with this child i was drinkin almost as heavily as my husband, although we wanted kids i never thougth it was gonna happen, i thought i'd blown my chances by doing drugs. It wasn't until i got pregnant and stopped drinkin and smoking that i realised how bad this problem was. I am so grateful for another chance to be a mum again, i have no intention of screwing this up!
My husband knows my past and my reasoning which would make it so much worse if he didnt give up the booze! I trust that he's gonna give it his all btu trust in him is gonna take a little time.
This child will either have two sober parents or i will be bringing it up alone!
Hi Daffy. Sounds like you've pretty much been to hell and back.
I guess its more important for you than anyone that he gives up. You certainly need his support right now.
Everyone deserves a second chance in life and it really sounds like this is yours.
However, this was prob a little easier for you as you have a baby growing inside you and you KNOW you have to give up. He doesnt have that, he just has your word that he needs to quit and the distant promise of a child. Does he feel your baby kick? is he shopping for baby bits with you? he needs to be fully involved with this baby as much possible for it all to seem real to him. Your right,this will take time and it will take you ages to trust him-especially you've been there yourself.
You certainly both need counselling together, as your both making such big changes to the relationship you were used to.
I wish you both the best of luck xxxx
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