help with 18mth old biter

It sounds to me as if he lacks stimulation at nursery and is not getting enough attention. Biting other children is a great way to grab people's attention and put himself centre stage-where he has a perfect right to be some of the time. At this age children care less about whether the attention they get is "good" or "bad". They just want to know that people are watching and caring. (From a survival point of view toddlers need to do this. Someone does have to watch over them).
Whether biting is unprevoked or not is a matter of opinion. If the other child screams and runs away and then cries and gets comforted he may well have some input here- Arlo is seeking a consequence from his actions- so he has an agenda too- who knows who starts these things. But the nursery should know how to deal with biting. Arlo is certainly not the first child who has biten other children. That he sometimes does it five times a day suggest they are not dealing with it properly. I'd pick him up and put him on the naughty step without comment- ignore him completely when he bites and give him lots of attention when he is playing nicely. Calling biting in children of this age bullying is inaccurate and totally unprofessional.

Arlo he is simply too young to understand that biting other people hurts them. He is too young to put himself in other children's shoes. If it does not hurt him- it does not hurt them. Yes it makes them cry, get cross with him, run away..... but that is all he understands. To bully you need to know you are hurting and intend to hurt.
I doubt your health visitor can help. At 18 months biting incidents have to be dealt with at the time they happen. You should tell him it is naughty- but its hard for him to remember this when he is at nursery.
The only way he can understand that biting hurts is to experience it Get him to bite his own arm- or bite him. This sometimes works. But the main effort in dealing with this must be when and where it happens.
Dorothy Einon

sounds like he is frustrated and you're probably right that he is bored in the baby room. seems silly of the staff to keep him there, surely if he isnt speaking much yet it would make more sense to put him in next age group up to encourage him to interact with kids his age, with babies who are younger he has no one his age to practice his speech with thats my opinion anyway for what its worth. bit out of order to tell you "arlo has been bullying again" he isnt a bully he is a normal little boy who is getting frustrated and lashing out, all little ones do at some time or other, surely those with qualifications in childcare would know this?! arlo sounds a sweety and the fact he isnt nasty or "a bully" to you or anyone else at home proves that he isnt a nasty child x x

It seems he isn't doing it maliciously then. I guess he is too young to explain that when he bites the little boy then it will make him go ow.
I just don't like nurserys for that very reason though, that they have a "baby room" and a "toddler room" as they have to reach specific milestones to get moved up to the next room, and although they may not have reached one of them, in every other way he has outgrown the baby room. I saw this when I did some work experience in a nursery and I knew I would never send my son to one, but it is all about personal choice, I know they have their pros too.
I do think you need to talk to the nursery staff about this, especially as you have a history with them and some sort of pre-established relationship. If they say he has been "bullying" ask what they suggest to stop this, or maybe ask if they see it happen to tell arlo "ow that hurt that little boy" as this is what he reacts to at home. It's hard at 18 months cos they're at a stage where they really need to start understanding, but they just aren't at that level yet! =]

hi rachael
thx for getting back to me so soon. i'm glad its not just me who thinks the problem lies with the nursery. up to now i couldn't fault them arlo has always been happy to go in in the morning and i had 100% confidence in the care they gave him. my daughter (8 next week)also went there and we had no probs and its a lot of same staff.
at home arlo is very affectionate, and if he hurts us we use ow that hurt lets kiss it better and he comes and gives you a big hug and kisses. he is very affectionate to his sister freya and even our new kitten!!
h x

hi rachael
thx for getting back to me so soon. i'm glad its not just me who thinks the problem lies with the nursery. up to now i couldn't fault them arlo has always been happy to go in in the morning and i had 100% confidence in the care they gave him. my daughter (8 next week)also went there and we had no probs and its a lot of same staff.
at home arlo is very affectionate, and if he hurts us we use ow that hurt lets kiss it better and he comes and gives you a big hug and kisses. he is very affectionate to his sister freya and even our new kitten!!
h x

have you spoken to the nursery and suggested that you think he is no longer happy in the baby room (this is one of the reasons I hate nurseries, but I won't get into it and it's just my opinion! lol). Also what action is taken by the staff? It seems to me that they could be being very negative about it if they are saying he is "bullying again" and I doubt this would help the situation. Does he do it maliciously or not? For example my son is 2, and bit me very hard on Saturday (I still have a mark), but he did not do it maliciously. I was picking him up to see if he needed a clean nappy and as I laid him on my legs he sunk his teeth into my arm, but not to hurt me, that wasn't his intention. I made it clear that he had hurt mummy and he kissed it better and told him that it was naughty to bite (we don't really use the word "no" cos I don't think it has any effect, we say something is naughty, which he understands as when he bumps himself he'll come for a kiss and say "naughty table/chair/floor/whatever hurt him). This is the only time in his life he's ever looked like he's listened to what I've said lol. Anyway, I think you need to talk to the nursery staff about this, especially if it is not a problem at home. If he used to nip your face in affection it might be on the same lines and he might not mean it in a hurtful way. You should make it clear your concerns for why you think he is doing this (he is bored in the baby room) if you haven't already. Hope that's helped in some way, although I'm not sure it will have! lol =]

hi i'm hoping for some reassurance advice or even just something to make me smile. my 18mth old boy arlo has been at nursery 5 days /wk since he was 9 mths old,he is still in the baby room and he is not yet speaking. at home he is happy and sunny natured and full of fun and adventure but does get frustrated when trying to communicate. he nods his head for yes and understands lots but uses only 1 or 2 words. he did have a phase of nipping our faces at home but this seemed to be a sign of affection and has now stopped. when i collect him from nursery i keep being told that he has bitten other children in the room (up to 5 incidents some days others none)and today was told that its often unprovoked,the same child and that this child is now frightened of arlo and runs away from him! i have been advised by the nursery to contact my health visitor for advice but she is new, not very approachable and knows nothing about arlo. I am worried by his behaviour but more angry at the nursery i think he is getting bored and is ready to move up to the next room. the other day the supervisor in arlo's room told me he had been "bullying again!!!" please help