Hey. Me and my OH doesnt have sex much anymore, and when we do it because i ask for it. He has openly admited that the rare times we do its just for me and he doesnt really want it.
This makes me feel bad because i feel like im practically raping him, I dont want it to be like that. I want him to want me and i want him to ask for it because he wants it. its made me feel really undesirable. What makes it worst is that everyday he masturbates to porn. I feel like a necrophiliac for just wanting sex. Most of the time when i ask for it he rejects me, then later while im sleeping he watches porn. He rejects me so often ive actually stopped asking. Everynow and then he says 'ill give you sex tonight, i promise' and then later says ''sorry babe, dont want to now, promise tomorrow though' and again the same things happen, im sick of his empty promises, why say we could if he was just going to change his mind? wouldnt it be best to just not say anything at all?, it's teasing me but in a cruel way. I have told him how i feel, but he wont change anything. I love him but i feel like i should get sex from other men, do you ladies think id be wrong to do this? xx
To be honest, i know my partner loves me, but it doesnt mean that i dont have basic human needs anymore and as a partner, he should fulfil them, im not expecting sex everynight, once a week is fine for me, and its not just the sex, id like him to want to have it, i know that him wanting it cant be forced, but it would be nice you know. we have spoken about it a hundred times, but we all still have needs weather you talk about it until you're blue in the face or not, the needs dont go away. I feel secure in the relationship, we love eachother very much and in general we have alot of good times together and we look forward to coming home from work and watching tv together, but sex is still needed.
Hi, thought i would give another point of view. I love my partner very much and am still very attracted to him but i rarely feel like sex. I think this is due to my overall energy levels which are quite low a lot of the time and i have always been fairly lazy!. However, we have talked about this and although he would like to do it more he understands that its not because i dont love him. I think that it important, if you cant talk openly about it you can never understand the reasons and feel secure in the relationship.x
get rid of him .... 2 years is a long time to hurt that bad...
its not the pregnancy though because this sex problem has gone on for 2 years now :(. ive tried 'taking control' he says 'babe, i dont really feel like it'
can i just say you are 5 weeks gone maybe he is scared he will hurt your child. tell him your not a ketchup bottle you can bang on the end without anything shooting out lol and he can still have fun. its totally natural for him to be nervous even tho he wont admit it. the next time you speak to him talk about it. and take control show him what a good time you can have if you don't get anywhere try seeing a councillor but don't give up and try finding someone else to sleep with unless you end it after giving the opportunity to change.
PMSL!!! sorry i spat my tea out then!
haha i thought i was right lmao. sorry but it was funny
thanks very much for your help :) x
i think i will try that but my oh doesnt seem to have any libido so doubt it would work, but i will try it :). My OH will not accept help at all, i dont know what his problem is with help lol. To be honest, im a really shy person, ive never given anyone ultimatums and i feel like if i did, they'd just tell me to get lost cause at the end of the day, i dont feel like im special enough for someone to try to keep me, i find it hard 'laying the law down'. ive tried in the past but my other half has such a strong personality he just beats me down till i say im wrong x
Hun, if you are a shy person he has more freedom to put you down and dominate you! Then your confidence gets a knock and it only gets easier for him... you have to look after number one and that is you. If you are not feeling 100% you can't be good to him either. You don't have to be downright nasty just to put your point across! You have to be clear with him that you feel this way and by arguing with you and putting you down it doesn't change your feelings. Be firm, if you don't stand up for yourself you will only end up more unhappy. Perhaps you could try some assertiveness training (a councillor can tell you where to get that!)... it will take you some time to build the confidence to just say what you think without losing your cool (and sticking with your opinion) but it is such a confidence boost when you finally do it.
I was a vey shy teenager, and learnt to be assertive at university (and interestingly attended an assertiveness course at uni through some club I was helping to run)... My mother was the one who always put me down... she certainly doesn't do it anymore! We get on well now because I stand my ground! Infact when I met OH she didn't like him, so I just told her... don't make me choose - it really shocked her and she realised straight away what I meant! Now she knows him better she loves him to bits and always fights his corner.
The point is though you need to start by believing that your are worth something. I am a little rounder than I should be, but I still feel sexy, and clearly my husband thinks so too, so don't worry about no longer being a stick insect. Why don't you get some help, and you will be better equiped to be clear with him.
Good luck hun. Please feel free to turn to me for support!
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