Sibling Behaviour

Hi my daughter was 4yrs old wen i had my son in dec we prepared her by talkin about her new bro or sis whilst i was preggers. She absolutely loves her bro and is the model older sis she tried it out twice whilst baby was a few wks old by cryin wen he was but i went 2 see her first tellin her how important she was and that she was my gorg little girl and once she was sorted i then comforted baby this seemed 2 reassure her she was still important and it only happened twice. If baby is safe then always tend to older childs needs first this worked well 4 me as wen baby needs attention now she doesnt bat an eyelid, hope this helps
jackie

Congratulations on your new arrival and well done for thinking about these issues now. Ideally, it is best to prepare an older child while you are still pregnant. You would do this by chatting about the fact a baby is coming, reading books about babies, letting her play with dolls as her babies and so on.
Don’t worry if you didn’t get round to doing some of this, as it is more important now. One of the key things is to make sure she isn’t suddenly pushed to one side. It is very easy to do this without meaning to. Relatives can be so excited about the new baby that they literally rush past an older child who was previously the centre of attention and it is not surprising they then get jealous! As well as making sure your older child still gets some one to one time from you that is just for her, speak to grandparents and other visitors to remind them to include her in any compliments or present giving. It can be hard to find time when you are busy with a new baby, but even a small amount of time reading or playing with your older one will really help.

Let her help you with the new baby, bringing nappies, singing to her, but don’t force this if she is not keen. Say you think the baby seems to like her, and as soon as she starts smiling, make a big deal of the fact that she smiles most for her sister.

It is very likely you might get some regressive behaviour where your older child wants to go back to some baby ways –maybe trying a bottle again, maybe throwing a tantrum. Not all children do this, but it is very common. They are probably thinking everyone seems to think the baby is so great when all they do is cry and feed, so maybe I’ll try some of that!

As your older child is quite a bit older, you may find less jealousy than you would if the gap was closer. There is some evidence of this, so don’t automatically assume she will be jealous, but just make certain you are giving her some special time that she had before.

Always remember that each child is an individual- and treat them this way. If she asks- directly or indirectly who you love best never say I love you both the same (children always know who has the last crumb so don't believe. Instead say "You are the very best (sorry I don't know your older child's name) in the whole wide world". "You are such a special big girl". "I love big girls with lovely brown eyes.... and so on. Let her know you love her for who she is. Remember too that every one (and that includes you) should sometimes be number one in the queue. Sometimes she waits while you deal with baby. Sometimes baby waits because it is her turn. If baby must be dealt when its your older daughters turn express her frustration. "Little sisters are lovely to have but sometimes they can be a bit of a nuisance- shall we she wants and then we can have special time with out having to listen to her crying. See if you can make her smile" When feeding the baby talk to both children.
You can never stop all jealousy- but it arises less when children know they are loved for themselvers alone. At five she can be involved in baby care- praise her. Tell her how helpful it is to you. What she wants to know is that deep down you feel just the same way about her as you always did.
Dorothy Einon

Explain to her that babies need lots of mummys time, but thatyou still love her lots and lots its just that sometimes if the baby is crying she needs mummy.
Constantly ask her all day to help you out with things, even if its to grab a nappy from upstairs.
Let your older daughter hold the baby as much as she wants to get familiar with her and everything.
Maybe let her feed her sometimes, my 3YO can feed my friends newborn perfectly! And let her help with everything. Maybe say that when your daughter sleeps that its yours and your older daughters time, and do fun things like baking or something :)
Hope it helps! xxx

Try and make a little time to play something with all 3 of u, then later when baby sleeps get something for u to play with elder daughter together or let her feel big by helping change the nappy, my little girl has a wipe too and will even wipe poo as long as it doesn't touch her! I found she lies him more now hes 6months and moving about and reacts to toys and expressions, she does pretty good impressions of us and the silly noises we make to him! Really try not to push her away from baby tho it really upsets my lo. xxx

It is hard, I have a baby and a 2 year old and now even my baby being 3 months old he just ignores his little brother, being 5 she can understand more so all I can say really is just make sure you try and give her as much time as you can I know its hard when you have a baby that needs lots but I just make sure that I don't ignore my eldest and envolve him in things like nappy changes hes great at fetching nappies, wetwipes etc lol. The thing tho that I dont like is I seem to be missing out on my baby. My 2 year old goes to bed at 6 and my baby at 8 so I make sure I sit and cuddle him for those 2 hours and have mum and baby time.

Hi, we have just been blessed with a 2nd baby girl, how do we make sure that my elder daughter (5 year old) does not feel left alone or jelous about the fact that somebody is sharing her space.