What am I doing wrong???

Hi. i kno u posted this awhile ago but as mum to four of varying ages I thought i may be able to help. I have major age gaps between mine but the jealousy showed up all the same..I also found girls were the worst...I found making special time for her was the way to go...I would give the baby to a relative or her dadsaying..right u and I are going to do something special sometimes she would want to go with but i would just say that they were going to have a boring old time..then each time i would do something just the two of us like a baking day..baby cant eat the results lol..or a dressing up day..we had a posh bath day- fill bath with bubbles put on a shower cap and be ladies of leisure lol..we did leaf collecting..bug hunting in the garden..art in the garden- this involves throwing paint on an old white sheet so best done outside. I have to make special time for all of my children..my eldest is now 15 so we watch news 24 and discuss the items or pick a subject an do for and against. The next one is 10 so we do especially girly stuff..i might take her out to a posh coffee shop and have hot choccie or we do each others nails..put on a face pack lol she has the two min and as i older i have the 30 min one lmao it is just a case of finding the time for each of them. It is very difficult with yrs being so young but with patiance and persaverance u will come out the other side xxxxhope this helps hun and even now i have the odd night that is totally pants!!!

Poor you! Your children are giving you a bit of a run around at the moment aren’t they!! Don’t worry – nothing out of the ordinary here and it can all be put right. On first reading your daughter seems to have a classic case of sibling jealousy! All these acts of hers are vey attention seeking so you are really going to have to take a long hard look at the relationships in your family at this particular moment. Your daughter was 2 and a half when her brother was born, she had had all that time as a single, much loved child and all of a sudden along comes an extra small, demanding person with a loud voice whose needs are met instantly while she now has to wait! (Well that’s how it seems to your daughter!) A perfect way to get your attention away from him then is to behave as she is – you cannot ignore butter in a bed or broken glasses and although the attention she will receive for these behaviours will not be very positive – at least it is attention. For the next few weeks you can try enlisting the help of other family members to take some of the strain from both you and your daughter. You mention your dad – can he or your husband be around to take the baby for a walk once a day so you and your daughter have some undisturbed time together? If so then plan some activities you both enjoy – go swimming, go the park, do some cooking together or just simply cuddle up with a really big pile of story books. If you can have some help for a while then do make sure that you build a routine around this help so your daughter knows when she will get your undivided attention and when she will have to share you, and do explain to your helpers that it is important they don’t let you down at short notice. Does your daughter go to nursery? If so then when she comes home try to make sure that the baby is already fed and either asleep or playing happily so you can talk about her morning or her day while she has a drink or a snack before you need to attend to her brother.

It is also important that she understands that her brother is here to stay and that she can help look after him too, let her choose what he will wear in the mornings (if you are worried about this give her choice of two outfits!) as he gets older ask her if she would like to have a bath with him? (Do ask her about this – she may not want to!) Let her push his pram when you go out together, involve her as much as possible in his care while respecting her need for time with you and her dad as well. As for Elliot’s sleeping pattern – if he senses that you are uptight he will find it hard to settle too, so once you have your daughter in a happier frame of mind, you will be more relaxed and you will probably find that Elliot will settle better. I do agree that it is not always best to leave a baby to cry, if a baby as young as Elliot is crying then he obviously needs you so give him a cuddle, and soothe him back to sleep. You will recognise his cries and you will soon know if he is upset, or frightened or just plain cross or bored and you can then react accordingly.

I use super nannys tips and think it works a treat. My 22 week old son has slept thru since 6 weeks old, wen he crys once hes been put to bed i leave him 4 a couple of mins then i go up put his dummie in, wait 4 him to latch on to it and say its bedtime, nite baby, and walk out the room. 2nd time he crys i go up put his dummie back in and say nothing, i keep doin this without communicating wiv him. If he is cryin to the point he is gettin into a right state i giv him a cuddle, wait 4 him to settle but so hes not asleep and put him down so he can settle himself off to sleep. Hope this helps. x

Have you tried putting a baby gate accross her bedroom door, we ended up having to do that for our little girl (who is 3 and a half) as she just wouldn't stay in her bed and would wander into the bathroom etc!! We were so worried about keeping her safe.

Hiya, I can't comment on the 3 year old - I too am a first time mum with 12 week old - but I think Supernanny is ace, do you use her tactics?? Like Kate said, sounds like jealousy/ trying to get attention -see what supernanny website says lol!

With baby, Jack was the same (and still sometimes is). I don't let him cry for longer than a couple of mins. If he wakes I leave it for a little bit as he's just learning to settle himself. But if after a couple of mins he's still going, I (or hubby) go and cuddle him. I don't think leaving them to cry this young is the right thing. Only after 6 months ish would I try controlled crying - as a last resort. I try (if others are around) to let other people try to settle him too so he doesn't get used to me going to him all the time. I got told by midwife to leave him to cry when he was 3 weeks and I just don't agree. They've been in our tums for 9 months, why should we expect them to feel happy all alone so soon? I'd just keep him close and try to get help so you can get on with day to day things etc etc. Good luck xx

(I can't imagine what it's like with more than one...one is enough for me to handle at the mo!!)

Sounds like a touch of jealousy to me hun..
With reguards to your 6 month old..my 9 wk old is the same with me. Im breastfeeding and when she cries she just wants me..no1 else can pacify her.
Im not too sure what you can do for the best hun as Im a new mum so not a lot of experience but good luck! xx

I have two kids, a 3 year old girl and a six month old son and last night had to be one of the worst nights ever!! My daughter keeps snak8ing into the kitchen and she took some butter and smeared it across the bed. Then in the early hours she stole my new specs anmd has bent them betond recognition. She's also taken baby's pack of biscuits and crushed them all up. As well as dealing with her tantrums i had elliot to deal with, he just wouldn't go to sleep! He was winded, fed and clean but wouldnt settle, my dad and hubby reckon i should let him cry but i dont like it, his crying makes me well up and i feel evil, babys dont cry 4 nothing. He doesnt want anyone but me, Im still breastfeeding but do express milk to give him so hes used to bottles. I really dont know what to do with them....help!