Am I being unreasonable

Beanbear: No, you've not offended me at all. I actually take the same view as you. I didnt ask her to stop smoking in her own house, I just left, and I won't be going back. And if she thinks she's ever to babysit or watch over my child (which she already mentioned), she can think again (although there are other issues involved in that too, causing her own sister now 39 weeks pregnant to take the same view as me). I told my OH NOT to ask her to stop smoking because IT IS her house and she can do whatever she pleases, its just that I would have expected a little more of her to be honest, especially knowing miscarried not long ago and have just fallen pregnant again. I support your view that people can do whatever in their own home, but there is also curtesy and consciensciousness for others and I think that should be extended when you have non-smoking visitors (or pregnant visitors). I didnt know she smoked around her little one, and I didnt know she smoked in her house, Apparently she doesnt smoke anymore, otherwise I wouldnt have gone round.
My OH couldnt understand why I'd made excuses to leave and why I got upset, but he didnt know about the dangers of smoke, so I explained. After that it was fine and we left soon after that, but I was just p'd off with the selfishness and ignorance.

Hi,
I totally understand yr point of view. My husband and I both smoke but we do not smoke in the house or in the car..even if our little one is not about.My husband drives 30 mins to work twice a day but manages not to smoke in the car.Although I am a smoker and probably always will be but my children are not and I really hate to see cars full of kids with the parents chuffing away.I have family members who smoke and I point blank refuse to take my children to their houses if they smoke in there. Luckily only my dad and his girl friend are a problem but I dont take baby to theirs..if they want to see her they come to mine and if they want to smoke then they do it outside whatever the weather!! My children my rules..if they care at all about them then they will not put their health at risk..Being one myself I have no problem with smoking but just not around the children! So u stick to yr guns hun and don't be guilted into it..well donr on yr mum for trying to stop but at the end of the day is it really more important then her grandson....now i will get off my soap box and end my rant..lol Take care x

it is hard to give up smoking whether you know the health risks or not and lets face it there is no excuse NOT to nowadays. however when she takes care of your child she shouldnt smoke around your them if you specifically tell her you dont want her too. i dont think thats unreasonable. think you should give her benefit of the doubt though and let her take care of baby like she wants. you'll know soon enough if shes smoked around the baby and if thats the case the deal is quite rightly off. hopefully she cant argue with that. x x

i dont think your being unreasonable if she has your child alot,however if shes doing you a favour at all by having him then i think you have to give some leway(sorry cant spell)im not saying let her smoke around him or anything but maybe say after shes had a cig to leave all the car windows open for half hour before she puts him in it.

to celeste.please dont be offended by this but you cant go to otherpeoples houses and expect them not to do as they like under their own roof,and no before anybody says anything i am not a smoker and have never been,i just believe in what the occupants rules are applies.if you dont like it then just dont go round,know one would think any less of you for protecting your unborn child by not going round hun but i do think its unreasonable to expect people to do as you wish in their house.sorry if iv peed you off cause i dont want to,just trying to put things across from the other side
xx

You are NOT being selfish at all. I was exactly the same, and was told I'm overreacting. We went round to my OH sister the other day, and even though she's got two kids (3 and 13) she and her friend smoke in the house. I got really upset and made excuses to leave and take the 3year old with me. I then told my OH how upset I was that she'd smoke while I was there, knowing I was pregnant. I didnt know about not being able to hold a baby after having a smoke, but I'll enforce that for sure. I hate cigarettes and smokev with a passion anyway, but its the selfishness of other people that drives me nuts.

Sounds very childish, make sure you stick to your guns. I'd buy her a couple of 'no smoking' car stickers as a not to subtle hint that your not about to give in. x

Sounds very childish, make sure you stick to your guns. I'd buy her a couple of 'no smoking' car stickers as a not to subtle hint that your not about to give in. x

Well, I told her that we weren't going because I didn't want him travelling in the car, and she threw a massive paddy! She knows about not holding him after she's had a cig, I always make her wait at least 15 mins. Her defence was "it's not only me that smokes in the car, Phil does it too!" (Phil is her "friend" who she claims is not her boyfriend...) But it's her car so why can't she tell him not to smoke in the car too, and not do it herself. She isn't talking to me now, she's being really childish and thinks im being unreasonable and stopping her from having outings with LO. x