Will the heartache ever go away?

Thank you so much for all your kind words ladies it means so much to have someone to talk to.
The thing is with the first loss my other half was brilliant and was with me through it all, every step of the way while i was a total mess. Then with the second one this is when he changed so its not as if he cant be supportive hes just choosing not to be.
He asked me yesterday if i wanted to sell all the baby things we had?!? But then i think he realised by the look on my face how much that hurt and said we can just put them away until we need them. I just wish he would think before he speaks. Why are men so frustrating at times!

When we become pregnant we feel the changes to our bodies and almost straight away the baby becomes real to us- we think and dream. When we loose a baby- we may in fact only be loosing a tiny group of cells but along with this we loose those our hopes and our dreams-however early in the pregnacy our baby is a baby and suddenly they are lost.

Its harder for a man to realise the reality of pregnacy. Men sometimes do not feel the reality of a baby until they can see your belly swelling or feel the kicks on your stomach wall.

People are not very good at knowing what to say or knowing whether or not you want to talk about it- and if they have not shared the experience- quite what to say or how you might feel. From the outside it can seem something small- for those who have experienced misscarriage it is absolutely otherwise.
I am sure the good ladies on this site will listen to you, help you and understand.
Dorothy Einon

When we become pregnant we feel the changes to our bodies and almost straight away the baby becomes real to us- we think and dream. When we loose a baby- we may in fact only be loosing a tiny group of cells but along with this we loose those our hopes and our dreams-however early in the pregnacy our baby is a baby and suddenly they are lost.

Its harder for a man to realise the reality of pregnacy. Men sometimes do not feel the reality of a baby until they can see your belly swelling or feel the kicks on your stomach wall.

People are not very good at knowing what to say or knowing whether or not you want to talk about it- and if they have not shared the experience- quite what to say or how you might feel. From the outside it can seem something small- for those who have experienced misscarriage it is absolutely otherwise.
I am sure the good ladies on this site will listen to you, help you and understand.
Dorothy Einon

Sorry my answer has pasted loads of time : / I'm having some probs with gurgle at the mo. I just wanted to say too don't give up, I feel it will happen for you xx

Hi Sparkledust Welcome back to gurgle - a big hug for you x I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a sad time. Two things really struck me about your post, and I'm hoping I can offer you some support and explanation perhaps? If your fella is anything like mine, he could be coming across as awful when really it's because he doesn't like to see you so upset, and rather than actually understanding a womans need to talk things through and grieve, he will point out what he sees as the 'logical' pointer to make you not upset, ie it wasn't alive as in in his head not yet a fully grown baby - which of course comes across as uncaring or unfeeling! Does that make sense? Let me explain more -my hubby always tries to 'fix my problems with logic' and so can come across as cold and uncaring, when all I might want to do is have a little cry and someone to tell me it's ok, but men don't seem to get this. He may also be finding it hard to deal with, so this is his response is to close off the conversation with this kind of comment, like a self preservation thing. I'm sure he cares about you deeply. We are naturally programmed I think to care deeply for our babies from conception and I think it's hard for some blokes to understand this. I don't want you to think I'm making a load of excuses for your bloke, but I'm just thinking there could be alot more to it than your fella just being cold hearted. Obviously he could have handled it better! x As for your family, do they realise that you need to talk it through? People can sometimes avoid bringing sad things up to the person in question for fear of upsetting them, even those close to us. My sister-in-law had a miscarriage and I always look back and wished that I'd done more or said more at the time, but as I didn't know her so well I shied away a little. Do you have any close friends you can talk to, or perhaps there are some support groups near to you or on the web? Of course gurgle is always here! i hope I've helped a little? x

Hi Sparkledust Welcome back to gurgle - a big hug for you x I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a sad time. Two things really struck me about your post, and I'm hoping I can offer you some support and explanation perhaps? If your fella is anything like mine, he could be coming across as awful when really it's because he doesn't like to see you so upset, and rather than actually understanding a womans need to talk things through and grieve, he will point out what he sees as the 'logical' pointer to make you not upset, ie it wasn't alive as in in his head not yet a fully grown baby - which of course comes across as uncaring or unfeeling! Does that make sense? Let me explain more -my hubby always tries to 'fix my problems with logic' and so can come across as cold and uncaring, when all I might want to do is have a little cry and someone to tell me it's ok, but men don't seem to get this. He may also be finding it hard to deal with, so this is his response is to close off the conversation with this kind of comment, like a self preservation thing. I'm sure he cares about you deeply. We are naturally programmed I think to care deeply for our babies from conception and I think it's hard for some blokes to understand this. I don't want you to think I'm making a load of excuses for your bloke, but I'm just thinking there could be alot more to it than your fella just being cold hearted. Obviously he could have handled it better! x As for your family, do they realise that you need to talk it through? People can sometimes avoid bringing sad things up to the person in question for fear of upsetting them, even those close to us. My sister-in-law had a miscarriage and I always look back and wished that I'd done more or said more at the time, but as I didn't know her so well I shied away a little. Do you have any close friends you can talk to, or perhaps there are some support groups near to you or on the web? Of course gurgle is always here! i hope I've helped a little? x

Hi Sparkledust Welcome back to gurgle - a big hug for you x I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a sad time. Two things really struck me about your post, and I'm hoping I can offer you some support and explanation perhaps? If your fella is anything like mine, he could be coming across as awful when really it's because he doesn't like to see you so upset, and rather than actually understanding a womans need to talk things through and grieve, he will point out what he sees as the 'logical' pointer to make you not upset, ie it wasn't alive as in in his head not yet a fully grown baby - which of course comes across as uncaring or unfeeling! Does that make sense? Let me explain more -my hubby always tries to 'fix my problems with logic' and so can come across as cold and uncaring, when all I might want to do is have a little cry and someone to tell me it's ok, but men don't seem to get this. He may also be finding it hard to deal with, so this is his response is to close off the conversation with this kind of comment, like a self preservation thing. I'm sure he cares about you deeply. We are naturally programmed I think to care deeply for our babies from conception and I think it's hard for some blokes to understand this. I don't want you to think I'm making a load of excuses for your bloke, but I'm just thinking there could be alot more to it than your fella just being cold hearted. Obviously he could have handled it better! x As for your family, do they realise that you need to talk it through? People can sometimes avoid bringing sad things up to the person in question for fear of upsetting them, even those close to us. My sister-in-law had a miscarriage and I always look back and wished that I'd done more or said more at the time, but as I didn't know her so well I shied away a little. Do you have any close friends you can talk to, or perhaps there are some support groups near to you or on the web? Of course gurgle is always here! i hope I've helped a little? x

hi i understand how your feeling and am sorry for your lost,your partner out of order to say those words to you of course they were alive they were growing inside you,you need to talk about what happen and if your partner or family wont listen find someone who will the ladies on gurgle will i have a lady i can message who understands and thats comforting to me,i missed miscarriage my baby angel just over 2 weeks ago was told on the 24/09 the words ring in my head still,its something that stays with you but becomes easier with time,