Some trusty advice needed...

Your mom sounds very similar to mine celeste ;-) I know deep down they just want to be involved and to help out but probably I have avoided being up front with her for fear of upsetting her. It doesnt do me or her any good if I don't speak my mind, resentment festers.
I make a promise to myself and to u guys on here that from now on I will say things as they arise, be open honest and strong - I know she loves us, but I need to be able to do it myself!! I always hoped she would encourage me to do it for myself but she never has. She didnt even want me to breastfeed because it would mean she wouldnt be able to feed him! I managed to breastfeed though, and her face whenever she saw me feeding him was a look of defeat, not joy happiness and support. Sad isnt it?
We cant change our moms, I know - I guess we just have to accept how they are, and look at their good points
, at least they care ;-)
Thanks for much for advice big hugz to you all xxxxxxx

Hi,
I can understand what you're going through. My mum is the same. I'm a single child though, and as my mum had quite a disrupted childhood I had about the most caring and protected childhood ever.
I've had issues with her a lot in the past, partly because she want's to be involved, partly because she thinks she can do it better and I actually will desperately need her help and partly because she does genuinely want to help me and make my life easier. I'm sure your mum acts for exactly the same reasons, and I understand what you mean when you say it makes you feel unsettled and like you're a child again. I'm constantly battleing to show my mum I'm capable of living my life.
When I'm upset with her I don't swallow it anymore. I tell her right away. If you start butting down she'll continue to treat you like a child. Start talking to her like an adult, and raise issues immediately. I usually say something like: How much I appreciate her offer to do this or that, but that I need to have my own space to do this, and that I will tell her when I need her help. I tell her how much I appreciate her input and value her opinion, but that I want to learn how to do things confidently on my own and without anyone butting in. If the"nice" way fails. I tell her how it is, and to be honest without concern for her feelings, as she's not shown an interest in mine. If I don't want her there I will tell her so. Tell her the reasons and make it clear that its your house, your son and your rules. Tell her she has done a fantastic job with you and your brother, but that its your turn now and that you need and want your opportunity to do the same. Therefore you need scope to make your own rules and have people follow them. Its not as hard as it sounds. Have a little heart to heart and tell her how she makes you feel and I'm sure even tho initially she'll be upset she'll come round eventually. She needs to respect your wishes!!xx

omg ive have gone mental if anyone had said "aww come to mummy!" to my baby! mind you managed to (just about) hold it together all the times my ex MIL said things like "hows MY baby girl today?" or "this is MY precious little darling, lily". and so on. but think if i hadnt have lived in their house i would have told silly mare where to go. its just so insensitive. how would people feel if when they had had their baby someone acted that way?! x x

firstly youve done nothing wrong- had similar issue with my ex MIL- result being that i said she couldnt look after lily again til i could trust her- imo you behave like an irresponisble idiot you get treated like one end of. if your mum is offended because you "gently asked" her to let you know, as leo's mother, that she wishes to take him out somewhere that is her problem (personally i would have told her very firmly). try to have a chat with her bout it, ask her honestly how she would have felt in your shoes if she come to pick up her baby and find out he wasnt there. ofcourse he was safe with his granny but that isnt the point. you're his mummy and you deserve some respect and to know where your own child is. definately think you need to sort this out once and for all and be firm- maybe your mum is behaving this way simply coz she can? what are you most worried about? she clearly loves leo so even if she dnt speak to you for a while it wont last- it may sound devious but you hold all the cards here- her beloved grandson. she cant stay away for long. if worse comes to the worse you dont have to answer the door. btw its good to vent ive done it alot on here and everyone is so helpful x x

hi i havnt really got too much advise for you but if all else fails when she turns up without telling you dont answer the door then when she says that she called by just say o i must of gone for a walk with leo i like to get out more now hes abit older but ring before you come round and il make sure im in that way you can control when you do and dont see your mum...my mum said a couple of times r come to mummy but i got really annoyed with her and she said o sorry she feels like mine lol after a couple of months she was fine though,i dont think they mean any harm bless them x

Congratulations on baby Leo! If carefully worded E-mails and conversations haven't done the trick with your mum then I'd say you need to sit down with her (let OH have Leo for a while) and talk frankly about how you feel and how her recent behaviour has made you feel, let her know that she'll always be needed but you have your own little family unit to care for now and would like time alone with them, she may feel slightly put out but if you let it carry on your going to get more and more stressed out over her behaviour and if she loves you and your family she'll realise how she's been and be more than happy to cool it off a little. x

humm.... my mum is exactly the same, i did have her at the birth of my daughter aswell as my partner and i am glad she was there, however, since she has been born controlling isn't the word she drives me bloody mad (excuse the french)
she is constantly telling me how i should be doing things, what she should be wearing, why do i buy these nappies when these ones r cheaper, why don't we try her on this milk, its rediculous! i am perfectly capable of looking after my daughter but my mum seriously takes over with everything. I am 23 and been with my partner for 4 years and our daughter is 9mnths and she is still just as bad 9mnths on!!!
what topped it off 4 me was a little while back my daughter was really ill with an ear infection and she was just crying throughout the day and wen she got particularly upset 1 afternoon my mum literally took her off of me and said 'give her to me, i will sort this'
i was so offended and i told her how upset i was afterwards but it went in 1 ear and straight out the other. my mum also turns up out of the blue with no warning! raaagh
however without her i think i would be lost! xxx

Hi everyone - I hope there might be someone out there that could offer some good advice, as I'm in a difficult situation and I just don't know what the right thing to do is... Basically I'm a new mom (to baby leo) and am really enjoying it ;-) Its hard work (he gets reflux) but for me the whole thing is a really wonderful experience, the pregnancy, birth (although difficult) were just amazing and my husband and I love him sooo much. Anyway, the problem comes with my mom. She's always been a very loving mother, put me and my brother first at all costs including her marriage(mom and dad seperated several years ago) and was always quite controlling. Since I found I was pregnant, her actions started to become to much. She was devastated when she found she would not b present at the birth, as I'd chosen my husband (she thought i needed her) so she sat in the hospital car park for 7 hours while I was in labour! Since baby leo's been born she's wanted to be here constantly, right from day one. I told her we wanted a bit of time as a little family to bond and heal after the birth, but she was offended and turned up 3/4 times a week anyway. I must admit the help was welcome as I'd had a blood transfusion and was feeling pretty crap for a couple of weeks, but when she started telling me how to do things I started to get anxious and annoyed. I've had a couple of chats with her, asked my brother to talk to her and sent her a couple of meaningful emails - suggesting that maybe she pop round a couple of times a week to help out that would be great. Instead she just turns up unannounced, and all she wants to do is hold baby leo. I feel she doesn't even listen or take much interest in anything I say anymore, as she's so utterly consumed with baby leo. I feel anxious and unsettled when she's here to be honest, and we use to be close. So, today I booked a reflexologist to come to the house and give us both a treatment while the other played with leo in the bedroom. While I was having mine, she took him out round the village unbeknown to me, I only realised where he was when they came back. So I gently asked her, if she wants to take him out for a walk please just let me know in future so I know where he is! She took offence and left - and I feel soo unsettled again. How do I handle this? How can I make her feel wanted and needed without her taking over. It makes me feel as if I always have to show her how well I'm doing, to try and convince her almost that I am fit for the job! I'm 34 by the way, and still feel about 16 when she's about! Helpppp!!! Sorry its a long one, but most therapeutic just letting it all out on here ;-) xxxx