A shoulder needed :-(

Men do have weird (to us!) ways of expressing their feelings. I think its partly to do with wanting to feel strong for you and partly not admitting to their own sadness. I'm pretty sure a lot of men sometimes wish they could cry like we can and just get it out of our system,but they feel they can't. My partner was very upset with our miscarriage and was extremely reserved when I got pregnant at first. He wasn't as overjoyed at the scan as I'd hoped,but its gradually getting better. I think maybe its their way of saving themselves a heartache?
As for marriage... I can see where you're coming from, and personally after 9 years, I dont think I'd leave the subject be until he decides to bring it up. For no, however, maybe work through your other issues first and then approach the subject again. After 9 years it cant be commitment issues, and if it is, then I think he may have gotten a little comfortable in the relationship. Good luck with everything you do. Communication usually is the key, but men sometimes avoid that at all costs. After 9 years I think you should know each other well enough to either work through it and make it, or decide that the relationship has reached its end. x

he sounds like hes really upset but like alot of people hes showing it in a weird way by being distant. think its a man thing. my oh is the same, his best made earlier this year and it was upsetting that he was so matter of fact and clinical bout it all. have either of you considered counselling? either together or seperately? sounds like you both need it. as for talking marriage id leave that subject for now- he clearly isnt in the right frame of mind. best wishes to you really hope you and your man get through this x x

I quite agree with the posts by katiejane and pheonix... you need to consider how he might be feeling about it all...
I also agree with Tredigo that you shouldn't be trying for a baby until you both know where you are heading with the relationship... but I certainly wouldn't give up on the relationship... maybe he needs a bit of space and time to take it all in. I don't mean a break from the relationship, but just some time for him to bury his head in the sand and think about something else!
If I were you I'd let him have some space for a while, and in a week or so if he hasn't bounced back, tell him that I miss him and would feel much better if he would give me some cuddles and a bit of understanding. In the meantime can you confide in his mum about how you are feeling (or is that going to make him feel pressured???) Perhaps the two of you could arrange to go shopping together or have your hair done? His mum may have some light to shed on his reactions - mum's are great when it comes to knowing their kids!!!
You may be best off focusing your attention on doing some girly stuff (not baby stuff!!!) with some freinds for a while...
I think he does love you but is also finding things hard!!! And I think it all scares him a little... if you look after yourself and don't wait for his support he will miss you and will want to look after you. Don't worry hun, he will bounce back... he just needs space and time!!! You will have to find some support elsewhere for a little while, but he will be back you'll see!!!

Hi, I can understand how upsetting this is for you, but looking at it from your partners point of few, he sounds like he's acting the way my husband did over the miscarriages I had. If he was very supportive through the first, chances are it upset him as well. As he was getting over the first one the second one could have shocked him just as much as it did you. I know its really upsetting and can be unusual to hear that the partner can be upset too. If he's anything like my hubby, the best thing to do is give him time to deal with it in his way. My hubby acting like it never happened so it didn't hurt as much. Your gonna be more emotional about it as it was your body dealing with it, but he's male and they think differently about it. There are plenty of people on here who can listen to you and sympathise with you in the time being. I know you would like it to be your partner you talk to but you will be able to in time. Not sure if this was what you were looking for but it might help look at it from a different point of view. Things will get better xx

Perhaps he's trying to protect himself from the hurt he felt 1st time round? I'm not saying that it's right to do but perhaps he feels like if he doesn't acknowlege what's happened then he doesn't have to face the greif and pain? Also, regarding the marriage thing, I think you honestly have to ask yourself if you would rather live your life and spend forever with your OH and nver get married, or if you could be happy to spend your life without him? If it's that important that you get married and he isn't going to commit then perhaps it is best to walk away, or perhaps you'll feel that it's nothing to do with you as to why he won't marry you, it's his problem, and just be happy to share you life with him. I wouldn't force yourself to choose now, you're probably still in too much pain to think straight, concentrate on fixing yourself now and then look towards fixing the relationship if you think it needs it. xxxx

Hi,
Without knowing him I cannot comment on him directly, but I can sympathise with you..I have been married for nearly 15yrs now and we have three living children..our third child was born poorly and died aged 2 and a half yrs in 2007. Hubby was absolutly brilliant he was my rock whilst i totally lost the plot..he cared for our older two children and I cannot praise him enough. In 2008 4 weeks before our first angel day i found out i was pregnant..it was a shock and a week after i found out i lost the baby..i was 6 weeks pregnant..i was heartbroken..a month after that exactly to the year of our daughters death I found out I was pregnant again...we now have a 25 week old daughter who is adored..our baby girl is remembered and spoken about but the baby we lost inbetween is never mentioned or spoken about..to me this baby was real etc but he won't speak about it..when i ask he says that there is nothing to talk about. I think there is..i was pregnant..i have three children who i look at and i wonder if this child would have looked like our others..they are like clones..i think it is disrespectful not to aknowledge this baby..we remember Lucy so why not this one??
As for the marriage thing..i dunno hun..maybe he is happy as things are..have u tried explaining about wanting a child in wedlock(old fashioned term I know lol).
Sometimes ppl stay in relationships because it is comfortable and maybe it is easier for him to keep the status quo?
Maybe as u say u now want different things..maybe it is worth asking him that question..I know u love him but does he love u in the same way..9 yrs is a long time to be treading water.
I wouldn't want to bring a baby into this until yr sure he want the same things.
Sorry for the essay and hope u get sorted out soon xx

I'd stop trying for a baby until you know what's going on in the relationship. Have you thought about going for relationship counselling? Places like Relate could help you talk things through without it turning into a big argument. Sorry you're having problems x

Hey girls I could really do with your opinions please. I have been with my boyfriend for 9 year and have lived together for just over 4 year. We had been together 3 year he asked me to marry him and even bought a ring however at the time i didnt get on with his mum and i was only young so after a few weeks he changed his mind and said we should wait, which at the time was heartbreaking but i agreed. In April this year we finally got pregnant but unfortunately lost the baby at 12 weeks naturally at home and he was with me all the way through and i must say he was brilliant. Things seemed to plod on and i just started to feel a little bit normal again only to find at the end of September id miscarried again only this time i didnt know i was pregnant, the doctor confirmed miscarriage and advised from the size of the sac/embryo i was 6-7 weeks. Since then my boyfriend has changed and wont even acknowledge its happened and when i tried to tell him how low i was he said i was crying over 2 things that werent even alive. This has hurt me deeply and now i feel like i have to hide my grief and i cant talk to him how i used to. I have also tried to bring up the subject of marriage numerouse times but he says he does want to marry me but gets really aggitated and it always ends in an argument. I would really like to know if you think im wasting my time, i love him so much but dont feel he wants the same as me, to me 9 year is a long time before someone pops the question and has no sign of doing it any time soon? Even his mum (we get on very well now)has asked if we are going to get married and he ignored the question! I dont know if we should stop trying for a baby until he does (or doesnt) ask me as i dont want to bring a baby into a relationship that may not be going any where. Or am i just being stupid? x