Naughty step???

Gurgle expert Thirza Ashelford says 'I would never, ever recommend the use of the naughty step for any child, no matter what their age. You are absolutely right to question its effectiveness particularly in one as young as your little boy. By sitting a child on a “naughty” step you are in effect labelling your child as “naughty” when in fact it is not your child but his behaviour that is unacceptable – he is not naughty. The other problem with the naughty step is that it is used as a punishment for every offence and therefore the child will not know how to behave correctly in each situation. As you rightly say – a child needs to understand what is expected of him before he can begin to know where he has gone wrong!

At 15 months your son is exploring the world, finding out what he can do and most importantly where his boundaries are. I would ask why we are using a punishment for a child who is just trying to make sense of the world? Each time he pushes his boundaries he must be told firmly that he has gone too far and be reminded of your expectations, but the way in which you tell him must be in keeping with the situation – for example: if he throws his food on the floor, take his dish away and tell him that he can have it back but he mustn’t throw his food on the floor. Give him his dish back but if he does it again tell him if that happens again you will take it away and he will have finished his meal. Carry this out! He may still be hungry so bring his next meal forward a little but no snacks! If he is hitting other children, tell him No, remove him from the group and sit him just a little way away for a few seconds. Then say to him that he can go back and play but he must not hit his friends. You do not say what your son is actually doing as a little terror but I imagine it is very normal 15 month old behaviour – as I said – exploring and pushing boundaries! There is an old saying “make the punishment fit the crime” and while I am not saying that a child commits a crime nor should we use the term punishment the theory is absolutely right – each misdemeanour needs an appropriate sanction – and never the naughty step!

My sis uses it for my Nephew and he just turned 2. Most of the time it works. He often gets reminded that the naughty step comes everywhere. Sometimes it back-fires cos he is such a nosey wotsit he wants to sit on the step to see what it's like! When he is being naughty when out in public you say "do you want to sit on the naughty step?" he says "yes please!!" x

ive used it for my 5yr old, she hardly uses it now but there was a time when she was never off it.

once she came off we used to sit and have a cuddle and talk about why she was there, say sorry ect.

Gracie is 1 and she is a bit two young to understand i think, but she has recently taken up biting so i dnt think it'll be long before she is the new resident on our stairs!

i think you are underestimating how much he understands you.kids pick and chose all the time. a naughty step is a great idea and with time he will learn what it is for, as long as you explain to him what is it when you put him down on it and why you are doing it, and do this every time you use it then he will learn that its not for fun.you have to talk to him in a firm tone so he understands that you mean what you say. its so hard when they are little s it breaks your heart to do that, but he will be fine. good luck

sorry i posted that twice!

yeah use it all the time! it's the bottom step in our house but we use it differently for the different ages! our eldest is 7 so she has it for time out where she really does have to reflect on what went wrong and how she needs to change a behaviour or handle a situation differently, our 5yr old has it for time out to think about what went wrong and why but she's normally very well behaved so is hardly ever on it! our almost 4yr old spends the most time on it coz she's very stubborn and most likely to throw a tissy! she stays 'to think about it' and comes off to say sorry but has to be reminded what she did and why it wasn't the right thing to do ie, hurt someone/made them sad, snatching, not doing what she's told (the usual reasons!) our youngest is only just one so hasn't been on it yet! hoping she won't have many visits! it's a great tool, as a nursery nurse myself and hubby a teacher we swear by it, it's good for time out for kids and for you to take a step backk and see what happened and give time to reason and reflect, its common for people to react in a situation and later think we could have handled it differently but if we take that chance in the moment to think twice it could make a difference to the outcome! it gives the child a consequence to their actions too and therefore assists in establishing boundaries- a vital tactic with toddlers! hope this helps!

yeah use it all the time! it's the bottom step in our house but we use it differently for the different ages! our eldest is 7 so she has it for time out where she really does have to reflect on what went wrong and how she needs to change a behaviour or handle a situation differently, our 5yr old has it for time out to think about what went wrong and why but she's normally very well behaved so is hardly ever on it! our almost 4yr old spends the most time on it coz she's very stubborn and most likely to throw a tissy! she stays 'to think about it' and comes off to say sorry but has to be reminded what she did and why it wasn't the right thing to do ie, hurt someone/made them sad, snatching, not doing what she's told (the usual reasons!) our youngest is only just one so hasn't been on it yet! hoping she won't have many visits! it's a great tool, as a nursery nurse myself and hubby a teacher we swear by it, it's good for time out for kids and for you to take a step backk and see what happened and give time to reason and reflect, its common for people to react in a situation and later think we could have handled it differently but if we take that chance in the moment to think twice it could make a difference to the outcome! it gives the child a consequence to their actions too and therefore assists in establishing boundaries- a vital tactic with toddlers! hope this helps!