Think the dreaded postnatal depression is back!! :(

thanks harley16 and katethegr8, you have made me feel a little more 'normal'. Went to the doctors this morning and she was great, she rang straight through to talk to my cpn but he was on a day off so she spoke to someone else at the unit and they are referring me to a psychiatrist who speicialises in perinatal depression - they will come out and do home visits aswell as my cpn and will also 'tweak' my medication. They explained that it won't be an overnight recovery which I knew anyway having been through it with both my other kids when they were babies but just knowing that I am not going mad and I will be getting the help I need has made me feel a little better. Just wish I wasn't going through it as all I want to do is enjoy my new baby and our complete little family and at the moment I can't!! :(

totally hear wot ur sayin hun! i got pnd wiv my son n ave it wiv the twins! im takin medication 4 it! im not silly!! wld rather ave the tablets n feel gud instead of down! iv suffered depression 2! for years! lol! but like katethegr8 says try as hard as mite seem 2get up n walk in fresh air! or go swimmin wiv a girlie friend! u gotta fight bak at it! ur a fab mummy n im sure ur doin a fine job! atleast u can admit u got pnd! so turn arnd n bite it bak on butt!! get urself sum tablets n give it a wk n u'll b bak on form! i felt suicidal afta i had the twins! but wiv a firm talkin 2 n alittle help frm the tablets i feel LOADS beta!! xxxxxxx

I know exactly how you feel hun..best advice doctor gave me was to get up and go for a walk when I start feeling low. Ive had depression/anxiety for as long as I can remember but thought i'd bypassed PND..Boy was I wrong! :) I have seriously deranged thoughts running through my head sometimes and I feel like I could throw myself off the nearest bridge but I keep in my head that Im incredibly lucky to be alive and have a great bf/family and a gorgeous daughter and I go for my walks and when I come back I feel like 'what the hell was I thinking?!' Its also good to write things down when you are feeling your lowest and then go out an do something and then when you come back, you look at the paper and think 'that was a silly thought'. Its about training your mind in the long run. Exercise is definately the right way to go..I always feel better after walking/swimming etc.. Im determined not to go back on anti d's and my doctor is reluctant to prescribe them as she too feels I can manage. I have many up's and downs but every time I have come out of it on my own. Dont get me wrong, Im not too proud or embarrassed to get some medical help but I think sometimes we are stronger than we think and can do a lot more for ourselves. There may come a time now in the next few months where I think 'right I def need those tablets' but Im thinking positively (or trying too) :) If you ever need to chat message me on here or facebook hun..Im a good listener x

Thanks guys, spoke to my midwife today about how I am feeling and seeing my doctor tomorrow to see if they can change my meds as I had to take them all the way through the pregnancy anyway. The health visitor is coming on monday, midwife again on weds and then my clinical practice nurse next friday so I am getting alot of support - just wish I could go to sleep and wake up okay tho!! :( xx

Definately go back to the docs asap honey. Explain how you are feeling. Im currently on my third year of meds for severe clinical depression. I can honestly say I don't think I'd be here if they hadnt given me those tablets. I'm only on a tiny dose a night now, but it keeps me sane! If you are breastfeeding, there are anti-d's you can take during this, as I discussed with my doctor only yesterday. (im 27 weeks gone now) At the end of the day, you need to feel best for you and your babies. Don't feel guilty at all. Its an illness, not something you can help. I really hope you feel better soon, and if you ever need a chat, you know where we are. xxx

bless you hun - I know exactly how you feel I had postnatal depression for 2 years after my beautiful boy was born! I didnt get help until nealy 18 mths down the line as wasnt really sure what it was I was going thu then just broke down at the doctors! You have so many emotions and hormones flying around at the mo and you know how lucky you and how beautiful your baby is yet still you cant fight off your feelings that are dragging you down. You then feel guilty and so dont want to tell anyone its like a vicious circle cause if you dont tell anyone you wont get help! Also not everyone understands which again makes you feel worse. It helps to get it off your chest if only emailing on here but is there a doctor or anyone you spoke to before that you could see? Im really worried that mine will come back (Im 29 wks preg with 2nd) Your not on your own chick try not to feel bad about the way your feeling - email me if you want to chat xxxx

know how you feel- felt like that within days of lily being born. what you've described is basically how i felt/sometimes still feel. are you planning on going back on your meds? doctor put me back on mine bout 3 weeks after the birth and although it initially made me feel so much guiltier for feeling the way i did it was definately one of the best decision i ever made. still on meds now over 2 years later it helped. hope you have lots of supportive people round you it makes such a difference! msge me if you ever want to chat x x

I only had my beautiful baby son 10 days ago but already I think I am showing symptoms of postnatal depression - I know the signs as I suffer with depression anyway which is normally controlled with medication but also because I have suffered with postnatal depression with both my other children. Feel almost like I have been given a death sentence and that I have nothing to look forward to anymore. And then I feel guilty for feeling like this because I know how lucky I am to have my children and a wonderful husband but still, I just can't help it. I am very weepy and just feel like I can't cope with life at all at the moment. I just want to be normal and be able to enjoy my new baby but I feel asthough I am living in a nightmare. :( sorry, just needed to put into words what I am feeling.