is my cleanliness a bad thing for my toddler to see?

Gurgle expert Thirza Ashelford says 'It is perfectly normal for a child of this age to copy what she has seen and behave accordingly so although her behaviour is perhaps a little extreme for one so young it is not unusual if her main role model spends most of her time cleaning! Now you have a choice to make – if you are happy with the situation and cleanliness is really important to you then you may choose to do nothing but do bear in mind that there may be times when your daughter may refuse to take part in activities which involve getting muddy or mucky – finger painting or cornflour play etc, and although this will not stunt her growth or her development in any way she will miss out on some tactile experiences that her friends are enjoying. If you feel that you would like to draw some attention away from the focus on cleanliness then there are lots of things you could try without confusing her by going to the other extreme! First of all – obviously – cut down a little bit on your cleaning routine while she is awake and playing, don’t stop altogether as this will seem strange to her but set aside some of her playtime to play with her rather than working. Encourage her to play with things that may feel strange and show her that you don’t mind getting “stuff” on your hands – make some pastry together or dough and show her how much fun it is to get sticky hands. When the weather is a bit better encourage her to help you in the garden, or if you don’t have a garden then invest in some plant pots and compost so she can dig around and sow some seeds or put in a few plants, again show her your dirty hands and make a game of it. If you have some paints at home then she may like to stand at an easel to paint with a brush, make sure she is well covered up so she doesn’t get paint on her clothes (this can be quite distressing for some children and you want her to enjoy herself rather than worry!). Offering her finger paints is going too far at this stage – she may never be one to enjoy that activity – but it is important that she feels happy painting, sticking and drawing without worrying about making a mess.'

If you are worried about the mess she may make on your table with her painting and sticking then buy a cheap plastic table cover that is just for her use and don’t keep wiping it! If it gets covered in glue and paint then great – your daughter will understand that mess is fine – in the right place. Finally it is important that you recognise that some children really do hate getting messy and develop a horror of getting even a spot of dirt on their clothes – some of this comes from their role models, sometimes they just don’t like the feel of being dirty!

I was like you I have to stop myself and now with going to have 3 little ones there wont be the time so trying to calm down thats not to say I have a dirty house far from it but, When my oldest daughter was little she was sick on her bed and just lay there she was to scared incase she got wrong about making a mess to tell me, that broke my heart. I went to the doctors about my cleaning and she said it is simple you have a choice spend your life cleaning or enjoy your life, and it is hard I make all the beds clean all the floors clean the dishes then spend time with my girls. the rest of the house work just fits in now. As long as its clean and every is put when it goes I leave it until later

the way you write suggests you know the answer! So yes she is immitating you and trying her best to please you. If you are constantly cleaning around her she will have learned that cleanliness leads to attention and praise. And you are right to think this could be problematic.

Her concerns are likely to restict activities such as painting, snipping and cutting out, sticking and gluing, playing with sand and water and baking and other cooking activities which all have developmental benefits. Especially for spatial skills and maths. Her concerns with cleanliness might also restict her physical activities- not getting her shoes dirty so not running on the grass for example or not riding the bikes at playgroup because they have dirty wheels. Ultimately her social activities and friendships could be affected too because her extreme aversion to dirt may turn away other children. Clean "germ reduced" homes are a good thing but ultaclean homes may nnot be. Children need to be exposed to some dirt and germs if they are to develop immunity. I'm not suggesting you become a slut- or even a bit messy- but for your daughters sake I think you need to address your problem with dirt. Leave the hoover until she is in bed- and unless you have a major mess- milk knocked over, jam dropped on the carpet- allow at least ten minutes between the making and clearing of mess.
Dorothy Einon

My step mum is a bit of a "clean freak" lol, my two half sisters are 5 and 7 and whilst Pip has copied this and has always loved cleaning and tidying and hates mess and dirt, my other sister Fi is a right messy little thing so I think alot of it is the child personality rather then just copying how you behave. I dont think you need to worry about it. Maybe do some more messy play (finger painting, mud pies etc) to teach lo that mess is ok! xx

I know what your thinking..how can cleanliness be bad? well lets say i like things to be clean, maybe a little too much. Infact most of the time im at home with my toddler im constantly getting the hoover out and cleaning the table etc when she makes a mess. Our childminder has commented on my daughter running her hand along her floor and saying ''yuk, dirty'' and my daughter gets so irritated by having dirty hands,feet etc..where i see other kids with chocolate all over their hands,face,feet and seem perfectly happy with it. if she drops food in the middle of eating she will not focus on anything else until its picked up and thrown in the bin (which she does by herself nowdays) is it normal for a 21 month old to be so aware of dirt and dust? is she just copying mummy and being helpful? or have i created a ''clean freak'' clone?