We want to encourage independence in our children and also for them to recognise that they have the right to make decisions and that these decisions are respected. In this way we will develop the thinkers and confident decision makers of the future. You do not want to set a pattern of conflict for the future, and she must learn that independence is good, but temper and unacceptable behaviour is not going to give her that independence.

Your little girl is really beginning to show her independence. She has discovered the power of “No” and the effect she can have if she digs her heels in. The first thing to try to avoid is the opportunity for her to say no, so wherever possible give her a choice (but only of things you are happy for her to do!) For example – if you are going out give her the choice of wearing her reins and walking or going in the buggy. If she is very slow and you do not have much time tell her she can walk home or when you leave the house she can walk as far as the end of the road or to the letter box (her decision) then she can have a ride to the bus stop – or wherever you are going. As soon as she realises she can have a say in some of the decisions she will be less likely to have a tantrum. Whatever you do try hard not to give in once you have made a decision even if she is in a full blown tantrum. You must be sure therefore that when you do say no to her you can stick to it. It is always better to say “No, you can’t have that/do that but you can do this or have that – again give her a choice of things she can have so she has the opportunity to exercise her (limited) power. If she starts to hurt herself then you must put her in a place where she will be safe and not bang her head even if this means picking her up for a firm cuddle. If she starts to pinch you or injure anyone else she must be told very firmly that this is not acceptable and again put in a safe place where she cannot hurt herself or anyone else. As soon as she is calm you can pick her up and give her a cuddle. When a child is in a real tantrum they can get very frightened as they really do get out of their own control so never leave her alone when she is like this. Be near so you can go to her as soon as she starts to come out of it.

My Son is 20 months old, and it does feel like he is going the the terrible 2's early...he throws heavy objects, kicks, grunts and has even in his frustration hits himself and digs his fingernails in his face!!! Time out works ish as long as we're on our own and I can persist without him having an audience to think its a game.

My daughter is 21 months and exactly the same as you are describing! She's cheeky and tells me to shush when i tell her off or tell her it's bedtime! She says 'no' to everything and getting her dressed is like putting clothes on an eel!! Recently she's been getting out of her bed anywhere up to twenty times a night and driving me mad! On the plus side, she's so loving and funny and clever and every day is magic with her. I wouldn't change her for the world as I'm sure none of you would. xx

just wnated to add that my son is 20 months and i think his have just kicked in, stamps his feet, arches his back and shouts when i try to put him in the push chair, asks to be out when hes in pushchair and crys if he doesnt get his own way, never wants a cuddle pushes me away and hits me sometimes

Hi. I think my daughter must have woken up this morning and decided that today was the day she would start the terrible 2s. She's only 18 mths old and i've had to put her in her cot a couple of times just to calm down. she is fighting me at every post and when she says 'no' she means 'no'.
so today she didnt have her lunch but threw it on the floor and then just smiled. i had to take a deep breath and stay very very calm.
the above advice helped. thanks.

The idea of the “terrible twos” is really just a guideline for a range of difficult behaviours that are common in children from about 18 months-3+, so although they might be most common at two, it is not at all unusual for them to start around 18 months, or to go on beyond three years. These difficult behaviours include exactly the kinds of things you are describing –being negative, wanting their own way. It helps if you realise that this is just a very normal stage of development, even though it is difficult on parents. Most children around this age fight anything, which stops them being independent, such as being strapped into the buggy or car- seat. I know it is hard but it really helps if you can stay very calm. Where safety is involved, such as with a car- seat, you often just have to put up with the tantrum. However, it can help to try some distraction techniques -singing a silly song, offering a toy or a drink while you get the straps done, that sort of thing. Don’t worry, this phase doesn’t last forever and if you can act calmly and say something understanding like “I know you don’t like it, and would rather walk.” This can sometimes help. Do try to let her walk sometimes, so that she feels she has some control.

Hey! My daughter is just turning 20 months and has been doing the same as yours for the past two months or so. It can be very stressful especially when out and about and dealing with her tempers is hard but I just take a deep breath and very calmly but sternly talk to her she may not understand everything that I say to her but she does eventually calm down. I found the more I let her see her tantrums get to me the worse she got so I try and ignore them. She is defintely going thru the terrible 2's and is testing the boundarys and having experienced this with my previous two kids I know that it will eventually pass, some toddlers are not that bad. I found my son to be a lot easier to handle at this stage than my daughters, girls being girls are a lot more tempermental than boys! I do hope your little girl calms down for you soon just keep reassuring yourself that it is phase and it will pass!x